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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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*looks around furtively*
Hello? Anyone here?

Where have all the /offtopic posters gone?

I see that fat cockerney gobshite Adele has now outsold Thriller, according to the BBC website. Tell me some facts that astounded you

Alt:
Just fucking post something.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 13:49, Reply)
This weekend is looking like it might involve the avengers, a bbq and sunday lunch
I think all weekends should be three days
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 13:55, Reply)
That isn't a bad weekend, all told
I am bored of Sunday lunch at the moment though
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 13:57, Reply)
replace with brunch and high tea

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 13:58, Reply)
Actually due to the kids we normally end up with a 5.30pm eating time

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 13:58, Reply)
More food timing news as it happens folks

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 13:59, Reply)
*puts an egg on to boil*
Let me know when its done Sporticus, yeah?
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:02, Reply)
*back flips to cooker*
Nope, not yet
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:02, Reply)
It's done now
*fucks Stephanie*
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:09, Reply)
Bobby's fat astounds me, does that count?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 13:57, Reply)
Yes
How does it astound you?
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 13:58, Reply)
purely the fact that that much matter can remain stable without collapsing in on itself
like a blubbery supernova
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 13:59, Reply)
Would that not be a fat hole?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:01, Reply)
That's Bella's vag

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:10, Reply)
The fact that anyone can use Google Streetview astounds me.

I bloody can't. It reminds me of being drunk, I keep coming face to face with unexpected walls.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:01, Reply)
I have a disappearing postman outside my house on Google Streetview

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:02, Reply)

w cock and b

That'd be Google CanalStreetview old chap, sorry to be the bearer..etc
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:03, Reply)
haha!

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:04, Reply)
i hate it when you get stuck against a wall and all you can do is zoom in
pricks
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:04, Reply)
Are you sure you're not watching a very old screen saver?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:06, Reply)
Wait, no...my mistake, I'm playing Driller.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:07, Reply)
i like using streetview to find places i've never been before, but it isn't the most user friendly interface in the world

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:07, Reply)
Scarpe can you do a show and tell for the class on your drunk high and low points please
Some of the kids could learn from your experiences
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:10, Reply)
This is taking you ages to put together ...

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:26, Reply)
Lots of memory blanks, sorry!

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:35, Reply)
pub quiz with clients last night (which we won, btw)
and one of the music questions was, what's her surname.

baffled us all. luckily the portuguese guy on our team thought it might be "atkins". turned out to be "adkins", but his writing was so bad we got away with it anyway...
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:02, Reply)
Kilospoon diet lols

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:03, Reply)
I want a coffee, but I don't want to make these other cunts a coffee
however they made me a (horrid) coffee earlier
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:04, Reply)
Go to kitchen - make coffee - go to meeting room - drink coffee

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:04, Reply)
yeah I but i need it back at my "desk"

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:05, Reply)
Walk out of the kitchen and thank someone in there for making you one

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:09, Reply)
fuckin prick cunts, might just make one and throw in their faces
Also the twat asks if anyone wants a "hot drink" this pisses me off almost as much as saying "I'll have A wine"
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:11, Reply)
You are certainly having a whine now
Go and make a fucking brew. If anyone kicks off, kick them in the cunt
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:12, Reply)
sound advice

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:13, Reply)
Don't fuck about with coffee

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:15, Reply)
fucks sake, no one wanted one anyway
I could have had coffee minutes ago
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:17, Reply)
FOOL

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:17, Reply)
did you see the list of top ten albums sold in the UK?
Queen appear twice and everytihng else is MEGASHIT
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:05, Reply)
link it

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:06, Reply)

bbcnews.co.uk\adeletop10\bestsellingfuckoffandfindityourselfyou.prick
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:07, Reply)
this had better not be "i love horses"

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:08, Reply)
That link doesn't seem to work q

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:11, Reply)
he's such a spazz with computers

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:12, Reply)

with computers
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:13, Reply)
i left because of this bullying but i came back

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:19, Reply)

1. Queen - 'Greatest Hits'
2. The Beatles - 'Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band'
3. Abba - 'Gold'
4. Oasis - '(What's The Story) Morning Glory?'
5. Adele - '21'
6. Michael Jackson - 'Thriller'
7. Dire Straits - 'Brothers In Arms'
8. Pink Floyd - 'The Dark Side Of The Moon'
9. Michael Jackson - 'Bad'
10. Queen - 'Greatest Hits II'
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:18, Reply)
Fuck me, that's grim

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:18, Reply)
it makes FHM's top 100 look like commandments from god

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:19, Reply)
Tulisa was No.1 right?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:25, Reply)
Yep, fucking ridiculous

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:26, Reply)
Are you saying you would'nt rub her N-dub?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:27, Reply)
List in full

100. Franziska Klein
99. Taylor Swift
98. Jessica Findlay Brown
97. Kate Garraway
96. Helen Skelton
95. Irina Shayk
94. Rita Ora
93. Alexandra Breckenridge
92. Florrie
91. Jenna-Louise Coleman
90. Jenna Randall
89. Christina Hendricks
88. Nicki Minaj
87. Laura Whitmore
86. Jorgie Porter
85. Alexandra Stan
84. Rachel Riley
83. Sofia Vergara
82. Alex Jones
81. Janina Gavankar
80. Caggie Dunlop
79. Jennifer Aniston
78. Freya Mavor
77. Alison Brie
76. Amanda Seyfried
75. Selena Gomez
74. Jennifer Lawrence
73. Kaya Scodelario
72. January Jones
71. Natalie Portman
70. Ashley Greene
69. Abbey Clancy
68. Minka Kelly
67. Lucy Mecklenburgh
66. Una Healy
65. Kim Kardashian
64. Emma Watson
63. Rachel Bilson
62. Hayley Williams
61. Jennifer Lopez
60. Yasmin
59. Britney Spears
58. Christine Bleakley
57. Florence Brudenell-Bruce
56. Kaley Cuoco
55. Carey Mulligan
54. Vanessa Hudgens
53. Olivia Wilde
52. Kristin Stewart
51. Miranda Kerr
50. Jessica Michibata
49. Jade Thirlwall
48. Caroline Flack
47. Helen Flanagan
46. Bar Refaeli
45. Adriana Lima
44. Dianna Agron
43. Nicole Scherzinger
42. Fearne Cotton
41. Jessica Alba
40. Olivia Munn
39. Naya Rivera
38. Beyonce
37. Emma Stone
36. Karen Gillan
35. Paris Hilton
34. Mellisa Clarke
33. Miley Cyrus
32. Kate Middleton
31. Angelina Jolie
30. Scarlett Johansson
29. Taylor Momsen
28. Katrina Bowden
27. Lana Del Rey
26. Michelle Keegan
25. Cher Lloyd
24. Holly Willoughby
23. Kate Upton
22. Berenice Marlohe
21. Laura Haddock
20. Kelly Brook
19. Frankie Sandford
18. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
17. Zooey Deschanel
16. Jessie J
15. Millie Mackintosh
14. Mollie King
13. Daisy Lowe
12. Pixie Lott
11. Pippa Middleton
10. Emily Atack
9. Mila Kunis
8. Keeley Hazell
7. Megan Fox
6. Katy Perry
5. Georgia Salpa
4. Rosie Jones
3. Rihanna
2. Cheryl Cole
1. Tulisa Contostavlos

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:28, Reply)
I don't even know who most of them are

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:29, Reply)
Same
Although, the fact that Olivia Wilde is only at 53 is ridiculous
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:30, Reply)
Cher fucking Lloyd?
Laura Haddock is a class name! As is Alison Brie
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:31, Reply)
who the fuck is florrie?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:31, Reply)
Alice's sister?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:32, Reply)
Model or summat

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:36, Reply)
I dont have the legs for it any more
Although I have actually found when tidying up a modelling gig I did many years ago!
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:43, Reply)
What?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:48, Reply)
Really
I ended up as a centrespread for a North Tyneside council owned restaurant in a leisure centre!

I shall scan the photo in at some point
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:50, Reply)
Ahh, I see.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:56, Reply)
What the fuck is a Rosie Jones?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:35, Reply)
Page 3 model

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:36, Reply)
*googles*
*raises desk*
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:36, Reply)
Shes the only one I could be bothered to fuck

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:19, Reply)
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
EXCLUSIVE!
"Fat sweaty internet shut-in grants exclusive access to awkward-socks-on-monkey-love to Page 3 stunna!"

"It's just like winning the lottery!" she whispered croakily at knifepoint.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:04, Reply)
I think Jane Russell won this, last time I read FHM. Or possibly it was Eve.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:48, Reply)
"read"

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:18, Reply)
Bar Refaeli sounds like a shit Italian restaurant

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:09, Reply)
Just reading through that now, fucking hell.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:25, Reply)
Not got access to it at work

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:26, Reply)
your mum came second
the rest of us spaffed in her eyes simultaneously
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:27, Reply)
My Mum always comes first
Unless she was faking it all those times?
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:29, Reply)
tulisa beat her

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:33, Reply)
With her one-titted blowjob special move?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:34, Reply)
It's almost as if most people are shit and cunts and haven't got a clue, or something.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:17, Reply)
Cunt in their shits, I say
No, that's not right...
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:19, Reply)
oh wait i dug around a bit and found this
11. some shit by Hawkwind

:O!
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:20, Reply)
That's only in the UK though, thankfully.
Alt: I found this fairly interesting.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:16, Reply)
I was a bird flu survivor
Amazingly, almost everyone didn't die
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:17, Reply)
I thought it was just the female equivalent of man flu?
Now that really is fucking deadly.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:18, Reply)
It was meh
I felt shit for one day but had to take the week off work so I didn't infect others
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:20, Reply)
winna

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:23, Reply)
*runs to top of stairs*
*punches sky*
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:25, Reply)

sky Quinten
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:26, Reply)
I'm a lover, not a fighter

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:26, Reply)
:|

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:27, Reply)
It's one of a few publication/ethics debates doing the rounds
it is pretty interesting
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:01, Reply)
What song are you listening to right now, or what was the last song you listened to?
I am listening to Incubus -Blood on the Ground
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:26, Reply)
Living Colour - Nothingness

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:27, Reply)
listening now

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:35, Reply)
was ok till he started singing

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:36, Reply)
I like the eerieness of it
Try Leave It Alone from the same album
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:39, Reply)
The last thing I listened to was 'Promises, Promises' by Incubus

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:29, Reply)
Liquid - Sweet Harmony (Danny Byrd remix)

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:29, Reply)
Is that The Beloved?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:30, Reply)
No, not that one, 100% less naked models in this one

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:30, Reply)
Awww

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:31, Reply)
listening now

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:37, Reply)
it's ok, i prefer the original i think though

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:39, Reply)
When I first heard a version of it it was a remix that was sped up
and I always preferred it. The Danny Byrd one is close to it.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:45, Reply)
firework and the one that got away by katy perry
i used to hate her but my girlfriend likes her so i'm giving her a chance and she's not as bad as i thought
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:30, Reply)
oh wait sorry i mean something by hawkwind and megadeth and loads of bands you've never heard of

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:30, Reply)
I was into Katy Perry before she was born
she's totally sold out now.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:55, Reply)
paedo

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:00, Reply)
She is hot pies

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:31, Reply)
i don't like her that way, she's just a poet who speaks to me on a deep and personal level
"did you ever feel like a paper bag, floating on the wind, wantiong to start again? did you ever feel like a house of cards, only paper thin, one blow from falling in?"

beautiful
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:33, Reply)
+ tits

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:34, Reply)
haha!

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:34, Reply)
Archeology - Sweet Billy Pilgrim

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:35, Reply)
The Murder of Maria Marten - Shirley Collins

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:41, Reply)
Alt: My new trainers are amazing.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:48, Reply)
Tell us more Barry

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:51, Reply)
Did you get very far?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 14:54, Reply)
Excellent

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:00, Reply)
Formaldehyde by Bad Brains.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:05, Reply)
how serendipitous
i'm currently listening to Embalming Fluid by Well preserved Minds
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:06, Reply)
Woah dude

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:09, Reply)
Kula Shakers follow up .....

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:10, Reply)
I would love to finger Katy Perry
The full fist, up to the wrist.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:16, Reply)
Katy Perry watch

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:17, Reply)
fuck that
wear her like a hat.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:18, Reply)
you guys are sick and disappoint
she's just a woman, same as most others, your girlfriends would be very disapointed, shame on you all
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:21, Reply)
Thank god you're here to defend the rights of the women of the world.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:21, Reply)
this place would be a creepy hive of pervy old men if it wasn't for me

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:22, Reply)
did you see that article about discrimination against men?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:30, Reply)
His female boss wouldn't allow him to read it.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:32, Reply)
she's probably bitter because all the male bosses earn more than she does

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:32, Reply)
They say that a woman's work is never done.
Which is why they earn less.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:44, Reply)
I haven't got a girlfriend.
I have been keeping myself pure for La Perry.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:22, Reply)
well she's never gonna touch it so you may as well settle for berk

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:23, Reply)
There would be no "settling" with berk.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:26, Reply)
she's no katy brand

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:27, Reply)
She needs branding

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:29, Reply)
and packaging in the meat aisle

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:39, Reply)
I suspect my wife would wonder what was wrong with me
If I didn't suggest wearing that Perry lass like a hat.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:36, Reply)
I dont think you could
She's recently had her massive cunt removed
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:36, Reply)
there are nicer ways of putting it
' i'd like to hold katy perrys hand and tell her her music speaks to me'

i'd fuck that katy perry so hard in the face her jaw would fall off and she'd starve to death

that kind of thing etc
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:38, Reply)
not me though, she isn't my type

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:38, Reply)
conscious?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:46, Reply)
no just a bit bland and got a face like a disabled
also a bit skinny, curves are nice and i've never seen her in anything that made me think 'you knoww hat? she'd be fun'
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:49, Reply)
see?
legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/012011/Katy-Perry-Secrets-5.jpg

legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/012011/Katy-Perry-Secrets-8.jpg
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:53, Reply)
arh she looks quite sweet before she became a manufactured sex fembot
i485.photobucket.com/albums/rr219/september17th/katyperry.jpg
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:00, Reply)
Katy Perry is my ideal woman.
She'd have to spend the afternoon in a sheep dip bath to get the Brand off her, though.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:24, Reply)
Katy Brand is much more your league

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:25, Reply)
Katy Brand
would love a piece of me.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:37, Reply)
She didn't receive all those toenails you sent her in that display case then?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:38, Reply)
Only if she had skipped lunch

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:39, Reply)
ask her out, dog

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:39, Reply)
I had to LTI for a while as my connection was down, but I've fixed it now
woot?
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:41, Reply)
Is this at home or work?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:41, Reply)
I'm on site at a client's

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:43, Reply)
Woo hoo!
My bet came off!
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:49, Reply)
and floated down the river?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:50, Reply)
Excellent
What odds did you get?
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:50, Reply)
12/1, stuck £5 on it

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:52, Reply)
bugger, I knew there was something I was supposed to do at lunchtime!
Who was the tipster anyway?
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:54, Reply)

This site
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:56, Reply)
whats their hit rate like?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:01, Reply)
Not sure tbh, this is the first tip I've taken of theirs.
I've seen people thank them before though, so it's not all bad.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:02, Reply)
Nice one

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:56, Reply)
My ex has cancelled my visit tonight and is taking my kid away for the weekend.
I want to wring her fucking neck the spiteful cunt.

My ex is alright though.

LOL*

*no lolz here. I am most upset.

/beakerwoes
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:50, Reply)
Why has she cancelled?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:51, Reply)
Spite. Seriously.
She asked if I would come round last night to write our appeal re school but I was busy - and as I was coming tonight anyway and not staying, we could have done it whilst I was already there after our kid went to sleep. This suggestiob made her go mental and start going on about 'your girlfriend won't let you come round' and all manner of insane and completely made up nonsense. Now tonight's off too. CUNT.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:53, Reply)
why does she hate you so much? what did you do to invoke these feelings?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:54, Reply)
I broke up with her.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:58, Reply)

up with
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:58, Reply)
ah right, i can see why that would drive someone to the edge of contempt

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:00, Reply)
This is in breach of your agreement?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:55, Reply)
Yes.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:58, Reply)
Can you not do something about it then?

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:01, Reply)
I would guess: no

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:04, Reply)
They the 'agreement' seems to be worth fuck all

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:04, Reply)
It's the sort of thing that could turn Monty into an angry, bitter man.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:05, Reply)
You have to go to court which takes time and money
and all the judge can really do is ask her not to do it again.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:05, Reply)
Well....
I could spend three plus grand taking her to court. She’d be told off, she’d apologise. The end.
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:06, Reply)
I suspect that it's because she's a spiteful cunt.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:54, Reply)
Sorry to hear that, man.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:51, Reply)
I want to break something

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:54, Reply)
5 minutes and some fresh air will be better.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:56, Reply)
Thanks "Fred Durst"

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:56, Reply)
wind lolz

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:58, Reply)
Do a music thread, you'll break offtopic.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:08, Reply)
Can you not just turn up on the doorstep?
When yout girl sees you she'll want to see you and well you're there anyway...
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:56, Reply)
2nd floor flat. No access from street without being buzzed in.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 15:59, Reply)
"Delivery for spiteful cunt flap, don't worry I'll bring it up"

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:00, Reply)
Absail.

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:01, Reply)
Who dares wins

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:02, Reply)
+ rodney

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:03, Reply)
Right I'm off you harem of horrid homos

(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:06, Reply)

you to try out the cumbox special at the
(, Thu 3 May 2012, 16:11, Reply)

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