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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Morning benders
If you had to choose forever between books and music, which would it be? Answer and pose your own dilemma in your reply.

Alt: what was the last lie you told?

Alt alt: did you get away with it??
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:14, 140 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Books. Definitely.
Italian or French food?

Alt: I'll be back by 6.

AltAlt: No.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:20, Reply)
I think I could get by without either.
However, if you posed the 'Chinese or Indian' choice I'd be screwed.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)
Indian, every time
I had a Chinese takeaway last night. meh

Never as tasty as a good curry
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:55, Reply)
I'd be really torn
I'll admit that a lot of Chinese takeaway food can be pretty meh, but then again so can Indian. Home-cooked, either cuisine is fantastic and there's so much variation in both.
Don't make me choose between spring rolls (the proper ones that look like deep-fried mutants and are chock-full of awesome not the uniform machine made type) and real samosas.
DAMMIT, that's me going down the Foleshill road today to stock up!
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:02, Reply)
I went for a Vietnamese meal yesterday.
It shits on Chinese from a great height.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:08, Reply)
I would choose the unnamed third option: death.
Life without either would be so utterly shit I couldn't face it.

Alt: I never tell lies.
Alt: Just now

Alt alt: Well I would have if it hadn't been for those meddling kids.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:25, Reply)
Perhaps you should start by DYAAKY

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:35, Reply)
It's a thought.
But then so is 'fuck off'.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)
It's more of a lifestyle choice than a thought really
That, and you bumming cats
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)
I have no answer to that, genuinely couldn't choose.
Dogs or cats?

Alt: "Of course you've got a chance with her, go for it!"

Alt Alt: He got shot down almost immediately.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:39, Reply)
Never go out drinking with Douglas Bader.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)
Must. Fight. Urge. To....
Nope, I can't do it...


You'll end up legless.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:45, Reply)
Cheers

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:45, Reply)
Beers.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)
Tears for Fears

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)
Ray Mears

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)
Hazel Blears

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)
Mr Flears' sticky out ears.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)
Wackford Squeers

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Germaine Greers

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
*FEARS MORE*

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)
Nasty. Bit early for that isn't it?

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)
NO NEED

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)
*fears*

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Books. 100%.
Alt: I said 'Books. 100%'


AltAlt: I don't know, I owned up too quickly.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)
Difficult
If it was a 'gun to the head' choice it'd be music.

Alcohol or coffee?

Alt: No I won't be well enough by Friday to attend the meeting.

Alt alt: Totally!
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)
Alcohol
I need coffee to be able to interact with the world enough to buy booze
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Caffeine addiction is relatively easy to break
So I'll keep alcohol too.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:05, Reply)
That is a toughy
Music evokes far bigger emotions than books but I NEED to read often!

Daddy or chips?

Alt:
That we have chips

Alt Alt:
Not so far. Chips anyone?
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)
Without question it would have to be music.
Of course I would miss books, but I suppose I could always read the liner notes on the backs of the records.

Alt: I won't cum in your mouth

Altalt: I was found out immediately and your dad still hasn't forgiven me.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)
Books. No two ways about it.
Can learn a lot from books, not much from music. You can learn ABOUT music FROM books though.

"No, that coffee stain on your boob isn't hugely noticeable"

No.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)
Tit coffee FTW

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)
it's best when you suck it out of the cloth.
or so I've heard.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:56, Reply)
*Pours coffee on crotch*

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:58, Reply)
you can suck that out yourself.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)
Clever dick.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:04, Reply)
Ha ha ha. James is getting tetchy.
b3ta.com/questions/hoarding/post1608559
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)
He really did a good foot shot, didn't he?

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)
Really? That's what you consider to be getting tetchy?
And you wonder why people who post on off topic have a bad reputation.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:04, Reply)
I have explained to him where he went wrong.
And also given him a brief review of his book which I think might be of use to him.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:10, Reply)
I'm gonna be honest here, this is some proper weak 'trolling' going on here.
___(o 0)__
|---m-()--m-|
WOT NO VITRIOL ?
Killroy woz ere.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:21, Reply)
Couldn't choose, no way.
I got asked once, would you rather be blind or deaf? I settled on short-sighted and a bit hard of hearing.
Can't remember, we lie all the time; QOTW should be thoroughly checked out.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Hobson's choice but if I had to choose, music.
Oral or anal?

Alt: It's every other sentence, I can't be expected to remember.

Alt alt: More often than not.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:07, Reply)
Oral or anal?
Give or take?
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)
Couldn't possibly choose.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:31, Reply)
I don't know, I don't think they could do that if they wanted too, no matter who 'they' are.
I mean, how would you stop a man walking down the street who has just seen a pretty girl, from whistiling the theme tune to zelda? How would you stop a man who has just found out his father no longer has cancer, from whistiling the theme tune to zelda? I don't know how one could stop someone who has just found out that he is a father with the women he loves, from whistling the theme tune to zelda. The theme tune to zelda is VERY infectious. DO dooooo doDoDO DOOO. God I love that that theme.

And with books, pretty much all written word cold be a book, like Andy McNab and Chris Ryan. How can someone stop that? Even killing the printing press wouldn't do it anymore.

I donno what my last lie was, probably when myself and one of the guys in the corner shop played a joke on the third guy. I've been learning Tamil from them and I shocked one of the guy's sons or nephews or whatever. I only started learning Tamil 'cus I asked where they come from, to make general conversation, and I suddenly thought that they would think I'm racist if I don't follow it up with "Oh, ok. Great. I've never been there". This is also mostly how I learnt turkish too.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)
I'm always worried about coming across as racist if you ask where they are from.
But it looks like that isn't the case.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:28, Reply)
'Tottenham, mate'

'Ah. Sorry'

Lusty's old flatmate was once asked whether she learned kung fu at school (she's of Chinese extraction). 'What, in Basingstoke? No we didn't'
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:29, Reply)
I think the Basingstoke LEA tends to focus more on the teachings of Confucius

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)
Racist.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:33, Reply)
What you couldn't see
was me pulling the corners of my eyes up and sticking my top teeth out, whilst pronouncing Confucius with a comedy Chinese accent.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Ah. Solly.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Taoist surely?

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Why would that come across as racist?

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:30, Reply)
Al's a middle-class hand-wringing liberal who sees racism wherever he goes.

I think that's why.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:31, Reply)
I'm not sure, but I think you are being racist here.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)
That's the spirit!
I demand dual-language road signs and translators to help with my dole applications please.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:33, Reply)
you're just assuming that because it's monty
like assuming that if i posted it, it's about tits or blowjobs. or both. or if gonz posted it, it's about food. or if al posted it, that DIY and/or running will be the subtext...
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
I went running and fixed my banister rail yesterday.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:44, Reply)
and yet i did absolutely nothing with either tits or blowjobs
my new meme might have to be the gym and blue cheese.

sign of incipient middle-age.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:49, Reply)
I only read the words 'tits and blowjobs' here
*checks gaz box*
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:45, Reply)
*cockgazzes*

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:49, Reply)
Partly like Monty says,
partly because if they have a thick east end accent it seems a bit silly to ask where they are from, even though what I'm really interested in is which country did their parents/grandparents come from, and in asking such a silly question the implication could be that even though they sound English I could be inferring that they couldn't possibly be english because of their skin colour.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)
I think if they have a thick east end accent then it is clear that they come from the east end.
But as 'swipe says below, you could always pose the question to ask about their origins. People often like to talk about that sort of thing.
Just don't get my mother started on genealogy though, she can bore for England on the subject.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
to be honest, it's a question i ask nearly every new person i meet regardless of accent/clothes/colour/job etc
i'm always interested to learn about people's backgrounds.

you know, just to check they are fit for me to associate with......
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:45, Reply)
She can also suck cock for England,
and indeed will be doing so this very summer at the 'twenty twelve' Olympics.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:51, Reply)
She is considering having her teeth removed specially for it.
But needs to check with the IOC to see if this is permitted under their rules.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Yeah', same here. I only ask because I'm interested in culture and its a good opener to start up some nice conversation.
Where you from?
How long have you been here?
I've never been there; what's it like?
I've heard of/tried [x] dish, it's pretty good, whats the rest of the food like?
You heard of the EDL or National Front? No surrender Noooo Surrender. NO SURRENDER to the ta-li-ban. SPORT ARE TROOPS.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)
i think it depends how you do it
"where you from then?" not great. "where are your family from originally?" shows you are interested in someone and in hearing about their background. and if you're not interested in them, fuck off!
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:38, Reply)
I find if you say
'Very jolly good sir' in a 'comedy' 70s 'Indian' accent whilst wobbling your head from side to side, you get welcomed into their community and given free fags for life.

Particularly if they are Turkish.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)
You are Ashton Kutcher AICMFP

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:40, Reply)
Stupid who?

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Dirty what?

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:42, Reply)
If you're blatently not turkish but order your kabab in turkish, it's like a secret code to get a free turkish tea or coffee.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:45, Reply)
Unfortunately I find Turkish coffee disgusting.
What do you have to do to get some of that yummy Efes pilsner?

Actually, I don't want to know.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:47, Reply)
If you go on holiday in Turkey with your blonde girlfriend
it's like a secret code to get her sold into slavery.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:59, Reply)
Why do some people pronounce turmeric 'tewmeric'?
Is it one of those 'aluminum' things where it's just plain wrong?
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:30, Reply)
Because they are fucking stupid.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:33, Reply)
It's one of those mispronunciations made by uneducated proles
When they are trying to present the appearance of not being an uneducated prole.
Cf. receptionists misusing reflexive pronouns.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Actually the Aluminum/Aluminium thing is a bit less straight forward
if you look at the periodic table you've got Sodium, Magnesium, Potassium, Rubidium etc. so the original name was actually Aluminum it's just we changed it for some reason.

But Sulphur should always be spelt with a ph not an f.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:37, Reply)
I didn't know that re aluminium.
Over and over again I discover that the 'wrong' US versions of words/terms are actually the original ones and thus are more 'right' than ours. Cf spelling things with a Z rather than an S.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)
I think our spellings are more aesthetically pleasing.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:45, Reply)
I find your mum's tits more aesthetically pleasing.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)
NERDRAGE
So. Z vs S. "S" was codified by the Victorians as being the correct spelling. Prior to that, people spelled everything however the hell they god damn felt like it because, prior to the Victorians, the world was a savage place full of barbarians that only occasionally stumbled across something useful viz Newton.

At some point int he early 20th century Teddy Roosevelt, president and contender for the title of Hardest Man That Ever Lived, codified US spelling as part of his personal quest to simplify and phonetise it. He chose Z as the default as that is closest to the sound the majority of the words use. Linguistically, neither are any more right or wrong than the other. Aside from the fact that they're Americans and are therefore wrong by default.

Aluminium was originally called Aluminum. I can't remember which nationality originally discovered it, but the Royal Society decided it was fucking stupid to have a periodic table full of "iums" with only the one "um", so they changed it. The Americans, being wrong by default, ignored their betters and remain wrong to this day.

Happy to help.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:53, Reply)
Merci beaucoup, you French cunt.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:56, Reply)
It's a fucking poor show when I have to educate an Englishman
on his own culture.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
The thing is, you aren't quite right.
The OED favours Z over S repeatedly, to this day. Thus even in the UK there's no overall consensus even now.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)
WHAT?
I am going to have to write a *very* stern letter.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)
The current stance is that both are acceptable, apart from some specific exceptions:
oxforddictionaries.com/words/ize-ise-or-yse
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)
Now that I did not realise
Presumably, the ize ending is now archaic at least, I certainly was always taught to use ise when at school.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:09, Reply)
I feel like the ground has shifted under my feet

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:09, Reply)
Z is such a tacky letter

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:03, Reply)
There used to be an explanation of this on the OED website
Something to do with the Greek origins of particular words. It concluded that -ize was technically correct.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:04, Reply)
I believe the americans are technically correct in describing tortoises as turtles
but I can't be bothered to check
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:59, Reply)
there's no real distinction between the two
although its commonly accepted that 'turtles' tend to be sea bound, whereas tortoises don't have flippers and live in old peoples gardens
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)
cf frogs and toads.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:01, Reply)
you have to kiss alot of toads before you find a frog

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:01, Reply)
Bonjour!

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:03, Reply)
i'd rather kiss janet aylia's moose knuckle

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:04, Reply)
I just sicked in my mouth a bit :(

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:06, Reply)

bit so much that it burst forth and covered the person sitting opposite me which in turn caused them to vomit on their neighbour as thus a vomiting game of dominos was started
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)
aka 'Vominos'

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)
Or a 'Mexican hurl'

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)
bet she has dreadlocks there too

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:18, Reply)
Not on purpose

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:19, Reply)
cf indians and pakistanis

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:05, Reply)
There's a Sri Lankan man who works here.
He consistently goes on about 'Pakis'. I haven't the heart to break it to him that to all his colleagues in the warehouse that's precisely what he is.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)
hahahahaa

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:10, Reply)
Have you seen the Modern Toss periodic table of swearing?

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Have you seen your mother, baby, standing in the shadows?

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:01, Reply)
i'd choose music
i love books but to read you need to make time to read, whereas you can have music on in the background while you do almost anything

you alt and alt alt are too shit to bother with
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)
your face is too shit to bother with

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)
I look handsome today, mama said so

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:44, Reply)
now you've put that awful tom jones song "mama told me not to come"
in my head.

you've done a lot of bad things in your time, but this is the worst.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:51, Reply)
I have The Shirelles, which I don't mind.
Here, replace it with this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQlImg2bm28
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:53, Reply)
What I want to know
is why Tom Jones' mum was telling Tom Jones not to shoot his bolt.

"Put it over me tits, tidy boy".
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)
wasn't it kelly from steophonics's mum? kelly's a stupid name for a boy isn't it?
stupid fucking wellsh cunt i hope he's dead
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 9:59, Reply)
ahahahahhaha
Officequietchuckle
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:06, Reply)
Oh lol, I should have read the replies first.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:28, Reply)
I believe she was encouraging the sumneresque practice of tantric sex.
by suggesting that coming was no way to have fun.

son.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Oh dear god all mighty, I'm probably being thick here, but its just clicked that come could be read as cum.

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:27, Reply)
All of the Corrs or none of the Corrs?

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:13, Reply)
ALL OF THE CORRS

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:14, Reply)
All.
3 to one odds, innit.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:14, Reply)
No that would be one of the Corrs
All the Corrs means Andrea, Angela, Jasmin* and man Corr

*not sure of real names
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)
Juan.
Juan Corr.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)
+netto

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:18, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)
You must be joking...

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:27, Reply)
I thought the game was
that you say "all" and one got picked at random.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)
No, you can have sesx with all of the Corrs or none of the Corrs

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:19, Reply)
I still say all
Go big or go home. I'll be dead of sexual exhaustion after that drummer whatever happens.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:21, Reply)
But what would Carla say?!

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:21, Reply)
Haven't you been reading the news?
She's well used to it.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)
I'd make her used to it

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:24, Reply)
D'accord
/Kroney
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:18, Reply)
I'd begrudgingly fuck the lad as a trade off for a go on his trois soeurs.
Congrats on your first socialist president in 26 yeras.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)
Il est un gros imbécile

(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:18, Reply)
Mais oui.
They deserve nothing more.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:24, Reply)
Books.

Alt: I'll definitely make those changes to the annual report on Friday.

Alt Alt: Well, yes and no.
(, Tue 8 May 2012, 10:34, Reply)

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