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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Alright?
What have I been missing, then?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:09, Reply)
Wow.
All that? Really? Wow.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:24, Reply)
I reckon you missed the stables and the hay COS YOU IS A HORSE INNIT

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:30, Reply)
Oh, wait, no, you've misunderstood my username again.
If I didn't know any better, I'd start wondering if you were doing this to upset me.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:35, Reply)
He's a frightful bully. Everyone says so.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:38, Reply)
Andrew said worse things than that about me the other day.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:39, Reply)
Andrew sounds like a frightfuller bully.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)
Some of the things you come out with risk 'un-friending', I have to warn you.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)
It's not my fault Monters, it's society projecting its unrealistic expectations upon me that makes me this way.
I think you should take me out for a nice steak dinner.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)
No problem.
You bring the money and I'll bring the conversation.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)
Nakers can supply the converstation

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)
Hahahaha

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)
This sounds like a HAWT DATE.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:56, Reply)
I'll wear my best pants.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)
Only pants

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:16, Reply)
I'm going to "unfriend" him on "Facebook"
In fact I am starting up a "Facebook page" encouraging others to "unfriend" him too, because he is such a "cunt"
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)
Don't ask me why I felt the need to make such "excessive" use of "quotation marks"

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)
"Why" did you feel the need to make such "excessive" use of "quotation marks"?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)
"Oops."

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)
"HE" SAID DON'T ASK, YOU FOOL.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)
OK, I "won't".

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)
I "think" your "use" of quotation marks
gives the "impression" that you are nothing more than a frightful "bumder"
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)
I am "this close" to unfriending you "Al"

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)
Awww-raaaaght.
Yo P-Horse how's it going?

It's been frightfully tedious here.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:31, Reply)
Well, it's been a tumuulltouos a tumolterou a time all right.
I started a bird watching blog but it has been very wet and I have been very busy so I haven't been able to photo many birds with my camera yet.
I'm hoping to go to blashford lakes on my birthday next week though, so that'll be nice.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:34, Reply)
Squirrels have eaten through the bottom of two of my dads bird feeders.
He was very cross.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:35, Reply)
Oh man. Were there birds feeding on them at the time?
Imagine that. Squirrels with tits.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:39, Reply)
Make sure you take some sandwiches and a Thermos!
And a Pac-a-mac!
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:35, Reply)
Nah.
I'm hardcore.
I wear these special trousers I bought from Asda and nothing else.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:36, Reply)
Special in a 'Peter Sutcliffe customised jumper' way?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:37, Reply)
Pink knickers intended for a seven year old girl.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:38, Reply)
Not a huge amount.
In other news, mmm bacon sausage, egg and cheese double decker sandwich
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:31, Reply)
In other news, coronary heart disease and diarrhoea.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:32, Reply)
Wouldn't it be funny is AA died after eating that sandwich
We could all go to his funeral and on his gravestone we could write "He didn't wake up when September ended"
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:34, Reply)
I, for one, would perform a sexually-charged dance routine at his funeral.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:35, Reply)
I'm not sure who the guy is, but I'd happily piss on an orchestra in his name.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:39, Reply)
I'm more than prepared to crap in a tuba to commemorate his life.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:41, Reply)
I'd be pleased to vomit on a violin in His name.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)
If pushed, I'd spunk in a serpent for the benefit of his family.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:45, Reply)
It would take little more than asking to encourage me to put bras on the brass section as a dignified protest at his passing.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)
The funeral will most likely be in the north of England
So you might have to make do with breaking wind in front of a brass band.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)
Breaking wood wind?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)
You could shatter a bassoon

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)
Exploboesions everywhere.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)
A brain?
Oh yeah, I totally went there
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:44, Reply)
Oh man.
You question of the week types are worse than talk for harshing people out.
I thought, "I'm bored of harshing each other out all day. I'll have a change and visit the nice question of the week people; they are pleasant."
And then I got here and you were all bullying me and, you know, it's making me a bit sad.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)
Hey, don't be sad, we're not all like her.
I for one would happily brush your mane and plait your tail with ribbons and feed you some fresh cut grass and a carrot COS YOU IS A HORSE.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)
Fuck this shit.
I'm going back to /talk where people are nice.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)
Oh swipe. Just when I thought you were becoming that much more likeable, you go and say something so rude.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)
Well kindly remain there.
Thank you.

In other massive news, as of last night, my ex has 'some reservations to discuss but once we've done that it (namely overnight stays) should be fine'. I am ecstatic.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)
I'm happy for you, but I feel sad for your daughter having to listen to the first 12 seconds of Tom Sawyer badly "cut" together all night.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)
You mean 'beat-juggling the Sawyer break with expert precision'.

I know you do, even if you don't yourself.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)
Will these beats be "clean" or "dirty"?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)
I think 'shit-caked' says it best.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:56, Reply)
Excellent news.
You should celebrate by going out on a massive drink and drugs bender. Take your daughter too.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)
I did that last night.
I left her in a bar somewhere in Shoreditch, I think. I can't remember.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Top stuff, you can be woken at 5:30am like me now, whoop*


*not whoop
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)
Not mine.
12 hours solid kip a night.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
If I hold her down.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)
Nonsense, his daughter is more sophisticated than that.
Much more likely that she would ring the police, and they would come and wake up daddy.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Good old 'speed-dial'

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:57, Reply)
Espresso martinis + 4 hours sleep = unhappy Ape

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)
Espresso Martinis are the finest drink ever invented.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)
They get pretty sickly after a while, but it was happy hour all night
so 2-4-1 cocktails were the order of the day
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Oh man, we've got to go there.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:55, Reply)
Innit.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:57, Reply)
Am I sensing sarcasm?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:58, Reply)
Not at all. 2-4-1 is KING.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)
No, Jonathan is King.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:16, Reply)
B@1 opposite "The Windmill"
you need to download their app, then you get an hours worth of 241, or if like me you are on a table with many iphone cunts, then you get 241 all night \o/
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:19, Reply)
MOR-NIIIINGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!

HI APE, ARE YOU ALRIGHT??????
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)
Actually i'm fine, just a little tired
cup of tea and pint of water before bed cure all ills
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)
EXCEPT MY AIDS!!!

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:54, Reply)
Tea before bed?
Are you mad?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:18, Reply)
You've missed loads.
Rory got banned for front loading joints which pissed off the mods.

And sex trafficking mice from Albania.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Wot a cant.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:57, Reply)
Those Eastern European mice are the sexiest ones

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:18, Reply)
You've missed this place being fat ballbag free for a while. it was nice.
Sadly this state of affairs no longer pertains, so you've missed the good times.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)
I read in the Metro today
about some lolwaki students who went around the world in a taxi, costing them 80k. I thought of you.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:58, Reply)
you're really stretching for it Boyce.
Don't get me wrong, I like the whole Victorian explorer/Philias Fogg meme, in fact I'm considering buying a pith helmet to look more like Professor elemental but you need to put more work in.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)
I'm not even joking.
I'll try to find the article.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nGrYEFG6Ho
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)
I repudiate that worthless show.
dumbed down idiocy for people who fine Phileas too confusing a name. You must have loved it.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:06, Reply)
I prefer the name Phileas.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:07, Reply)
CQ on his way to work, carrying his lunch.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:12, Reply)
I have a better top hat and tasche than that man and my tail-coat fits better
Also a gentleman does not eat crisps.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:18, Reply)
*ahem* Me too.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:17, Reply)
I did, i also loved Dogtanian
and that video of you mum being buggered by a horse
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:12, Reply)
Who came back and spoiled it CQ?
Tell me who it was and I'll get really cross.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:59, Reply)
ThatLOLwaki Japster Baldmonkey/personality horse
but he seems to have fucked off again, so that's good.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:02, Reply)
Lacist.
He's from Pompey.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)
I don't give a shit where he's from as long as he fucks off back there.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:07, Reply)
I thought you communists were more tolerant than this?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:12, Reply)
To The Re-education Camps with you.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:16, Reply)
See, you're just being intolerant here.
PH is one of the finest posters known to humanity.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)
No, no he's not.
And the whole 'let's pretend he's a comedy genius' gag is shit too.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:08, Reply)
You're shit, too, Foggsy.
The chap's quite clearly excellent value.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Yes, I am shit and not particularly funny.
But what I have that he doesn't is that I know it.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:16, Reply)

that I know it bad AIDS
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:17, Reply)
I'd prefer that to being him.
Even Rory was funnier than him and Rory was a tedious little tit.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:19, Reply)
I didn't know he's from Japan

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)
He had a dose of the vapours

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:04, Reply)
You know 'the internet', right?
You know those green things on the ends of tree branches, right?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:06, Reply)
\o/

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:10, Reply)
I really think so

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:06, Reply)
see above

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:07, Reply)
poor bm :'(
why are they being such cunts to you?

you'd think they'd appreciate some excitement and perhaps even LOLZ for a change.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:55, Reply)
Good day shitcunts and Personality Horse.
I have just breakfasted and feel my arteries thickening as a result.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:56, Reply)
I had Weetabix!
God, I am getting old.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:58, Reply)
I had a luxuriant go on your crippled old mum.
She was...accommodating.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:02, Reply)
You only get another 2,00 gos before I have to start charging you.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:17, Reply)
Ah yes but the Nectar points I'll get will pretty much cancel that out.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:19, Reply)
did you have a fry up?
was it served on a plate from a dolls house?

cuase you're short innit.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 8:59, Reply)

2 fried eggs, 2 sausages, 2 black pudding slices, mushrooms, fried bread and baked beans.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:00, Reply)
437 Cheerios

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)
You have OCD.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:02, Reply)
No he had Cheerios.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)
My cereal had raisins in it.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:02, Reply)
I can see 3 red cars and 2 blue cars

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:06, Reply)
Did they have a race?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:19, Reply)
All Ape wants to do is stuff his face.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:23, Reply)
are you sure they were raisins?
not mouse droppings?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:14, Reply)
Not anymore

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:19, Reply)
Sorry to break your illusion of raisin-happiness.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:23, Reply)
It's his RAISIN D'ETRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:25, Reply)
Kill yourself. NOW.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:25, Reply)
OK. Bye everyone.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:28, Reply)
get to fuck with the baked beans
where's the bacon?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)
The bacon didn't look too good this morning so I gave it a miss.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:04, Reply)
Did it have that white jizzy residue on it?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:05, Reply)
aka 'bacon milk'

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:05, Reply)
Best of all the milks

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:10, Reply)
The 'why is Battered such a fat cunt?' conundrum appears to have been solved.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:05, Reply)
+ he can afford to buy food, unlike some people...

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:07, Reply)
its things like this that bolster your hardman reputation

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)
oh man, this place is well mean Q

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:12, Reply)
It's like a particularly rough Mexican jail in here.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:14, Reply)
when we get cold we can use chicken fajitas!

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:14, Reply)
hahahahaha
I am clicking this like an OAP's hip.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)
coffee coughing right now

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)
see, comments like this drive people away.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)
and cars, cars drive people away too

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:18, Reply)
And hansom cabs.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)

and the ugly ones too

lol
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)
I'm sorry.
It was a poor attempt at 'ribald humour'. I see now that I took things too far. Sorry again.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:18, Reply)
BIT LATE FOR THAT I'M ALREADY CUTTING MONTY IS A MEAN CUNT ONTO MY ARM

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:19, Reply)
4 REAL.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:19, Reply)
people who cut themselves are sometimes called emos

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)
like they're australian or something?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:22, Reply)
they used emus in the scene witht he running dinosaurs in jurassic park and CGI'd over them
this is facts
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:30, Reply)
How did they stop them from cutting themselves?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)
i think they envolved wings and learned to fly

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Has Rory been stepped?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:13, Reply)
he hasn't been around since yesterady afternoon
i'm starting to get worried, i left a saucer of milk and some cat food in a jar by my back door last night but no-one's seen him

:(
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:14, Reply)
haha, poor Rory
like all great artists doomed to not be appreciated in his own time
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)
i don't know why he was banned, i said just as much as he did, if not more with links to his sites and everything
i'm way worse than rory, i guess i'm just more liked
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:16, Reply)
Maybe MOD EDIT was just annoyed at him
for saying he was an alcoholic paedo.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)
what scaryduck? i think there was history there
maybe lyon was abused by duck when he was little, it would explain the bitterness
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:21, Reply)
Maybe Lyon was caught by his wife doing unspeakable things at the duck pond.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:22, Reply)
nah in my head scaryduck groomed lyon way back when andi peters was on the beeb
lyon, being king of the serengeti grew up FURIOUS that he'd been violated by the 12 inches corkscrew penis of one of his more laughable subjects

he found scaryduck's address, put on a shirley temple outfit and broke in, setting up a webcam just in time for scaryduck to come home. scaryduck by this point has turned to drink to deal with the guilt issues he has for all the paedophilia, and to suppress his own childhood abuse by his father, the very reason he became a paedophile to begin with.

Drunk and horny, scary sets about beating lyon and tearing at his clothes, forcing his turgid member in the young lyon's innocent eyes, little knowing that he's been set up.

lyon dials mrs duck on his mobile after scary flips him over, mrs duck arrives not long after, screams, vomits profusely and signs divorce papers on the spot

thats just how i see it
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:28, Reply)
You have surpassed yourself with this.
* Applause *
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:31, Reply)
There aren't enough clicks in the world for this ACCURATE DEPICTION.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)
Whereas we know Stunned is the real alcoholic paedo.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:22, Reply)
isn't that scarpe?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:22, Reply)
Oh Quinten, you're terrible.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)
but so damn likeable

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:21, Reply)
apparently.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:14, Reply)
what for?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)
Bumming squirrels

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:16, Reply)
fner
he was burying his nuts alright
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:17, Reply)
Stepped or banned for good?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:16, Reply)
whatever he said he didn't mean it
we just want him back for good
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:18, Reply)
ha!

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:18, Reply)
Take that back.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:21, Reply)
ooof
Puntastic
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:22, Reply)

back
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:22, Reply)
That's the...

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:27, Reply)
...way a-ha a-ha you like it?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:29, Reply)
No, he likes it round the back

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:29, Reply)
+ of your mum

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:30, Reply)
Doesn't everyone?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:34, Reply)

the take
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:29, Reply)
Morning horse
I am drowning in snot today. It is not a good look
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:21, Reply)
Bukakke Friday chez Sporto.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Its all about the tips

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:27, Reply)
AA lolz

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:27, Reply)
haha!

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:28, Reply)
oxymoronic lolz

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:31, Reply)
this just reminded me
theres a lot of penis surgery going on on this board, why are you all so unhappy with your members?
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)
1 nut chop and 1 penile haircut

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:34, Reply)
is this the recipe for the bakewell tart thing now?

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Its all about the nuts

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)
Mine is just too darned big Q, I don't know what to do with it
I called Monty's mum as I heard she gets a wide on like a hippo yawning, but it turns out she is a filthy clam jouster.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Including the stubby teeth?
No wonder she's strictly plastic only.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:38, Reply)
vagina dentata
such a wonderful phrase,
it means no penis,
for the rest of your days,
it's our penis free,
philosophy, vagina dentata
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:40, Reply)
Click for hippo yawning

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Porridge wogs and whippet fondlers, I thought you'd like to know what a beautiful sunny day it is in your magnificant capital city

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)
It really is. My morning stroll was extremely pleasant.

(, Fri 11 May 2012, 9:53, Reply)
It's glorious here in the City.
Don't worry, we'll take good care of the national wealth when we get back from the pub.
(, Fri 11 May 2012, 10:06, Reply)

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