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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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11:08 - New Thread o'clock
Bored with non-gay chilli squid now.

Sell yourself to offtopic. One paragraph of why we should hire YOU. Yes YOU, the grubby one. There. You! I'm pointing at you now

Alt:
Or another b3tan
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:09, Reply)
Depends on what you're hiring me for. I can hardly sell myself if I don't know what I'm getting into now can I?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:12, Reply)
He's looking for a concubine.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:14, Reply)
Fuck that shit.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:14, Reply)
that's the spirit!
you're hired
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:14, Reply)
*rolls eyes*

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)
*rolls back*

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:39, Reply)
Quintz, alright mate, soz I didn't reply before.
The squid/octopus thing also works on frog's legs. It's the [chemical name for salt] in the soy sauce makes the mussels contract and expand to give it the apparence that it's still alive.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:32, Reply)
Is that a key skill?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:14, Reply)
Mayhab it is, mayhab it ain't

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:34, Reply)
I'm a results driven team player responsible for multiple accounts and direct reports.
I'm extremely creative and great at working to deadlines, I thrive on challenges and I am motivated to expand my learning going forward.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:14, Reply)
*Bullshitometer melts*

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:19, Reply)
Where was that copy and pasted from?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:20, Reply)
you forgot "pro-active"
would have been a buzzword bingo full house
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:22, Reply)
Needs more blue-sky thinking

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:39, Reply)
I'm honest, hardworking, a team player and can also take solo iniative...
What a load of bollocks. Really, has anyone ever believed a CV/covering letter or written one honestly? As For SWOT analyses, I can't still get my head round them. What are my weaknesses? I'm idle, drink too much, and aren't very punctual. Please hire me. WTF.
Alt, I'd hire Monty. I'm sure he's really Boris Johnson, we could drink fizz and verbally abuse people.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:15, Reply)
I have no experience in counting paperclips and only occasionally change printer cartridges
sorry o/t I'm not what you're looking for
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:26, Reply)
I can teach you.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:29, Reply)
i've always wanted to be 'part' of a forum, it's lonely being the shunned outsider

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:31, Reply)
Change your username to something vaguely female you'll get away with anything.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:32, Reply)
tried that, got totally perma banned after a week
I musn't have been very convincing
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:37, Reply)
Oh snugglesacks I knew we'd meet again.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:38, Reply)
my enormous breasts bring all the boys to the yard

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:40, Reply)
Don't they just.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:42, Reply)
haha
You were snugglesacks? Genius
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:46, Reply)
I don't think he was.
Although I do suspect he might be the person using BGB's rejected username on qotw at the moment.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:06, Reply)
is that not really the real BGB then?
i thought it was, it seems like her
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:25, Reply)
I believe it's part of what's known as 'a mental breakdown'
She's renamed her original account, switcherooed the name to another account and now posts under the second account as 'Big Girls Blouse', mostly to gob off at lothario fat mental american 'the resident loon'. This all means something, somewhere, I'm pretty sure.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:39, Reply)
But am a functional alcoholic, have a warped sex drive and keep heads in the fridge.
Maybe a position for me?
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:30, Reply)
At Dahmler

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:39, Reply)
dahmer more like

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:43, Reply)
#insert THAT'S THE JOKE pic here#

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:45, Reply)
then why did you spell dhamer wrong?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:02, Reply)
FFS
Daimler is a car manufacturer
Dahmer was a head manufacturer
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:08, Reply)
so why did you say dahmler if it's daimler?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:12, Reply)
Which one is the chocolate bar?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:12, Reply)
it used to be dime but now it's daim
they had taht armadillo advert but i don't think he killed anyone or ran a carcompany
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:18, Reply)
So who was the guitarist in Pantera?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:20, Reply)
dimebag darrell
no affiliation to the chocolate bar, car company or serial killer i'm afraid

his name apparently comes from the fact that he used to carry bags of diamonds worth a dime of drugs or something
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:24, Reply)
So who was the actress who played the mermaid in Splash?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:34, Reply)
Tom Hanks

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:42, Reply)
So who was the lead guitarist in The Shadows?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:47, Reply)
Cliff

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:01, Reply)
So who presented Holiday '85?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:04, Reply)
Jill Dando

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)
So who was the singer in The Lemonheads?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:06, Reply)
Keith

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:08, Reply)
You know it's Blizzard have banned the name Psycho from their games
So I can't be PsychoChomp on Diablo 3, I have to be PsychChomp. Which is gay I'm sure you'll agree.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:33, Reply)
PsychChomp sounds really disturbing for some reason

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:35, Reply)
Sounds like he's put someone off by biting them.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:52, Reply)
What am I going to have for my lunch?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:54, Reply)
I'm in the same predicament
Might have to get a subway
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 11:57, Reply)
This may be a good plan
Either that or visit the legendary "Baps" for a sandwich
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:01, Reply)
i can smell onions

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:29, Reply)
This is one of the first signs of a stroke

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:45, Reply)
Or a frenchman

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:45, Reply)
It doesn't look as though there are many applicants to this job.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:02, Reply)
Fucking welfare state sponging cunts

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:03, Reply)
The problem with these people
is that they don't want to work
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:04, Reply)
*gets on my bike*

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:37, Reply)
Exam one finished.
I don't want to to work for you, what's so good about you huh? Wanker.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:03, Reply)
I have four stomachs

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:07, Reply)

That is not a reason to work for you. That is just a big lie.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:11, Reply)
My belt says otherwise

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:43, Reply)

my belt says your belt is a cunt.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:49, Reply)
Well, my belt is bigger than your belt
Oh, hang on. It isn't
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:59, Reply)

My belt will eat your belt.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:07, Reply)
I spend most of my day on OT, I am lazy, I steal office supplies
I take 2 hour lunches every day, I watch TV online at my desk. Hire me
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:39, Reply)
Tell me a joke and you've a week's trial.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:42, Reply)
How many potatoes does it take to kill an irishman
none
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:52, Reply)
You'd be a shoe in if only you'd brought 'scent of a womans fanny' on your chubby fingers
those days are gone phillie
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:42, Reply)
That was just a tuna sandwich

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:44, Reply)
fuck I'm bored
I may go to the pub
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:50, Reply)
I'm .off at 3pm. I may consider this.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:51, Reply)
I had to turn down a pub visit this lunchtime due to work
*shakes head*
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:58, Reply)
well that's awkward timing....

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:59, Reply)
meh
Have a pint for me
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:01, Reply)
I shall have a chaser too,
and damn all work!
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:04, Reply)
Duncan Norvelle is going to the pub with you?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)
Off to the pub! WHOOP!

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 12:58, Reply)
Yeah? Well fuck you then, Ape.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:00, Reply)
*joins in*
GO ON, FUCK OFF!!

Me and tangles will run /offtopic this afternoon then
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:06, Reply)
YEAH!

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:07, Reply)
*fistbumps*

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:08, Reply)
There er...
Really is only you and me in here, sporto.
Did everyone go outside?
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:11, Reply)
Sporto?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:13, Reply)
Should I turn off the lights or something, if I'm the last one in here?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:14, Reply)
Sorry, w*rk getting in the way again
Carry on
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:14, Reply)
It is annoying when that happens.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:15, Reply)
What feels like the 743rd run through of my latest scripts....
zzzzzzzzzzz
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:15, Reply)
I don't even know what that means.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:18, Reply)
Every time I have to make a change to some code, I need to test it
This takes about 45 mins and is not tedious at all
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:20, Reply)
Woop!
It fucking works!
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)
Why didn't you just do that in the first place?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:22, Reply)
Our wonderful developers keep changing things
This means I have to change things afterwards to fix it
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:23, Reply)
I was feeling like that this afternoon while I was finishing my assignment.
then I finished it and felt better.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:19, Reply)
I'm here too.
lurking.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:13, Reply)
Afternoon Poppet

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:14, Reply)
Evening.
I'm snuggled up in bed watching Friends. I feel it is a good reward for finishing my mahoosive assignment.
how are you?
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:16, Reply)
Full
I've eaten too many sandwiches
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:16, Reply)
I got given a dozen bread rolls for free today.
the student union was doing lunch and my friend is one of the volunteers, and she gave it to me when no one was looking.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:17, Reply)
I've just eaten 4
I feel sick now
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:19, Reply)
One for each stomach.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:19, Reply)
haha!
Mooo!
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:20, Reply)
urgh.
too many.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:20, Reply)
Well if you want to run /ot with me and sporto you need to do more than just lie there watching shit telly.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:22, Reply)
Agreed

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:22, Reply)
tell me what I need to do and I'll decide if I can be bothered.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:23, Reply)
*resists urge*

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:23, Reply)
*nyahhhh*

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:24, Reply)
TITGAZ!

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:24, Reply)
hmm,
Nah. I'll pass. I don't do titgazzes
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:25, Reply)
Like my co-owner says below
GO on, start a new thread
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:26, Reply)
I'm not asking a lot
Just be more entertaining than work.
It shouldn't be too hard.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:25, Reply)
Right into the fucking ground, aye.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:15, Reply)
DAMN RIGHT
Wait....
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:15, Reply)
YEAH!

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:19, Reply)
It's fucking £28.99 for a 2-disc DVD of Noggin the Nog!!!!!!!!!!!
Broken fucking Britain RIGHT HERE.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:29, Reply)
Man, that's Nogbad

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:33, Reply)
And all that goes to boosting the economy of Northlands
We here in Britain will see very little benefit.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:33, Reply)
Yet the complete Mysterious Cities of Gold (6 discs) is only 15 quid
What a world
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:34, Reply)
What a bargain.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:36, Reply)
Mendoza!!!!

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:36, Reply)
Esteban was a gaylord

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:39, Reply)
Esteban was no Telemacus

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:40, Reply)
Innit

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:41, Reply)
It's a theme tune that will stick with all those that have heard it

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:39, Reply)
Aaaaaahooooohooohohaaaaah one day we will find the ci-ties of gold.

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:43, Reply)
Oooh I'm having that shit

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:39, Reply)
Zavvi innit
Free delivery and EVERYFINK
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:40, Reply)
Sweet blud

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:42, Reply)
*fist bumps* long time

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:43, Reply)
I think I stopped watching it on BBC1 as the monkey faced one and the fat one used to get on my tits

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:40, Reply)
Oh man, I didn't get off at the right bus stop and it caused me to be 5 minutes down the road from my office and there is a really good sushi place and a really good sandwich place and really good everything really.
OH BOY, I fucking _love_ working near sushi places.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:33, Reply)
day off today woo
Now I am sitting in The Dispensary waiting for a steak burger and drinking a pint.

Later I will hopefully be getting my broadband connected so I can stop sponging off the neighbours, they keep turning their router off, the cunts.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Getting your winnits sandblasted off again?

(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:36, Reply)
it's a pub, you oaf
...but yes.
(, Tue 22 May 2012, 13:43, Reply)

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