That thread got big. I can't be bothered to read through it.
What can't you be bothered to do today?

NB: I can, however, be bothered to vanity search. I do not smell of Jo Malone, although I did once. The train ride home stinking of woman's perfume was EXCELLENT fun. Especially since it was one of the last that day and was packed. I got Looks. It turns out that what may smell good on a woman makes a man smell like a tart's gusset. I also do not smell of garlic and camembert. I stink of red wine, like all good Frenchmen.
( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:33, 151 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Oxymoron there.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:33, Reply)

I aint gonna post in your thread

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:34, Reply)

I don't want you to, anyway :'(

( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:35, Reply)

it's ok kroney I was just being 'edgy' and 'off the wall' and 'krazy'
you loveable cunt
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:37, Reply)

It's not true what everybody says about you, you know.
Let's man-hug.
( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:40, Reply)

there's a damp creamy mess in my pants at the very thought

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:42, Reply)

I am not feeling very good today.
I cannot be bothered to do anything at all, and would like to be in bed.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:34, Reply)

How's your imminent kidney failure coming along?
Can you taste metal, yet?
( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:35, Reply)

:o((((((((

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:36, Reply)

lower back pain is also not a very good sign

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:38, Reply)

A slightly numb pain
as though somebody's punched you is the one to look out for, I believe?

I give him about twenty minutes before he turns yellow and starts poisoning himself from within.
( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:39, Reply)

yer, that's the one

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:40, Reply)

I've been doing that for over twenty years.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:40, Reply)

You're a trekkie.
You smell of desperation and loneliness.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:36, Reply)

ZING!

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:37, Reply)

You've named yourself after a character in a Terry Pratchett book
Stones, glass houses etc.
( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:40, Reply)

You tell him, Ensign!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:42, Reply)

This is true
Although Discworld is a little more mainstream than Trek.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:42, Reply)

Still didn't help get you laid though did it.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:44, Reply)

Eh what?
I can't think of a single person who got laid using discworld. I do know of a bloke who was seduced with Tom Lehrer though.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:50, Reply)

I bet even that cunt Pratchett didn't.
Not that he'd remember it anyway.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:52, Reply)

I think dressing like the world's most middle class pimp
is what put the kibosh on Pratchett's sexy exploits.
( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:53, Reply)

The times I've seen him
he was dressed like a gay cowboy at a real ale festival.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:55, Reply)

no it's not it's shit and bent and everyone that reads it will get alzhiemers

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:50, Reply)

I'm cross with you, but I can't remember why.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:52, Reply)

errr me neither

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:53, Reply)

Is it because he's a bender?

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:53, Reply)

You forgot 'spastic'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:54, Reply)

Have I said how nice it is to have you back?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:56, Reply)

td;dr

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:37, Reply)

I can't be bothered working.
Hence being here.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:38, Reply)

^^this
rather sleep.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:39, Reply)

^this
Although, I have done a lot of work already today. Now I'm bored, and knackered.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:39, Reply)

Is that festival happening again this year?
Headlining the awesome Blue Haze
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:39, Reply)

Oh man!!!!!!
Haze-stock is back on???????
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:41, Reply)

What is he on about now?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:42, Reply)

Okay, I'll explain it very slowly, since you're clearly a bit thick.
You are a virgin.

But you are trying to draw attention away from this by claiming to have had loads of birds, like.

This makes you sound similar to Captain Hood-Butter who also once claimed this.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:46, Reply)

That's a bit of a strange statement to make.
I never once mentioned anything of that personal a nature. But fair enough.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:47, Reply)

He's posted up pictures of his model girlfriend Tara
www.b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=37903
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:43, Reply)

He used to have actual nude pics of his wife on his profile.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:45, Reply)

that crazy alzheimers fool

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:46, Reply)

True.
Gammy, saggy old tits and all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:46, Reply)

Proper lol here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:46, Reply)

I like the way he says he chose to give up an Aston-Martin V8
for a Sierra.
( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:46, Reply)

is there nothing that man hasn't done

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:49, Reply)

I'm done. All finished. Everyone is paid. Invoices out.
I even came in yesterday morning to make sure all my work was done for the end of today.

I refuse to do anything else.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:46, Reply)

You should rub one out in the office and drink some cider.
Get some practice in for the weekend.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:46, Reply)

I'm off sex.
I'm not off cider though.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:48, Reply)

You could have sex with cider.
I'm sure there's an excellent "in cider" joke to be had there.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:51, Reply)

I hope your jokes are going to improve over the weekend.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:52, Reply)

Yeah good luck with that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:54, Reply)

I don't hold out a lot of hope either.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:57, Reply)

It's gonna be muddy, Al...

( thealternativefact, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:58, Reply)

It's alright, I've got waterproof trousers.
And a BGB to carry me around.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:59, Reply)

What do you prefer? Fireman's lift or piggy back?

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:01, Reply)

Can you put me in your pouch so I can suckle while we walk?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:02, Reply)

Haha!

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:03, Reply)

Do you have a chair?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:57, Reply)

A folding one, yes.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:59, Reply)

Oh man...I might have to get one.
Or I could just sit in the mud.
Or on Al's (removed first) waterproof trousers.
( thealternativefact, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:01, Reply)

I was going to leave them in the van in case of emergency.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:02, Reply)

Van? Waterproof trousers.
You've changed, Al.
Edit: And an awning?
FFS
( thealternativefact, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:02, Reply)

I know. For the better.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:04, Reply)

Not a moment too soon.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:04, Reply)

It's been a struggle for us all, Monters.

( thealternativefact, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:06, Reply)

I for one wouldn't want to change a hair on his head.
*snigger*
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:07, Reply)

tee hee

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:09, Reply)

Harsh.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:14, Reply)

Innit doe.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:22, Reply)

I also have some plastic sheeting to sit on.
For emergencies.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:02, Reply)

We have an awning.
It will be lovely and dry.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:03, Reply)

YAY!
This is going to be fun.
( thealternativefact, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:03, Reply)

I hope so.
I'm overdue for some fun.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:04, Reply)

You bloody well are.
I was supposed to send you something beforehand but I managed to forget there was a BH holiday in the way, so I'll do it when I get back.
( thealternativefact, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:05, Reply)

Ooo! Ok.
*ponders*
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:06, Reply)

I was in the office at 7 this morning, so I am now at the stage that I can't be arsed to do anymore.
I shall leave at 4.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:52, Reply)

I was in at 8 and have been at the same position as this since, err, 8:10.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 14:53, Reply)

i like wearing men's cologne

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:00, Reply)

I wonder if this is an appropriate time to shout "I LOVE LAMP!!"
And be ever so original.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:01, Reply)

I wonder if this is an appropriate time for you to learn what being with a woman feels like.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:02, Reply)

Yeah! even I know that.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:10, Reply)

I wonder what the appropriate response to this would be?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:12, Reply)

DYAAKY

(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:13, Reply)

In your case, perhaps this is a good thing.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:14, Reply)

No, you seem to have missunderstood, though I'm not sure how.
I'm saying that you should DYAAKY.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:21, Reply)

It's not exactly a secret on here.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:14, Reply)

So do I!

( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:02, Reply)

it is better on a man
Lord have mercy, ain't nothing quite as nice as a good smelling man
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:05, Reply)

That last line makes you sound like a southern belle.
Also, I can think of quite a few things nicer than a good smelling man.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:08, Reply)

Hundreds of supermodels disagree
Hood-Butter has his own line, so successful has his wearing of it been.
( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:12, Reply)

monty's had a few lines in his time
doesn't make him successful
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:14, Reply)

Zing!

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:15, Reply)

i think being tired has made me a bit naughty today.
perhaps i should just dmaakm
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:16, Reply)

There's more suicide threats on here than the depression forum I was on.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:17, Reply)

i'm just tired.
i might fuck off for a bit and crash out.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:19, Reply)

Inexplicably, I woke up at 4:45 this morning.
Realising this was waaaaay too early, I went back to sleep until 6:30. I've felt like shit all day since. Any explanations? Haven't been bothered to do anything all day - even though I've booked flights to Germany, sorted out a hotel and started on my presentation for the meeting I'm still pretty meh.
As to smell - I smell of Hugo Boss and easystart (still can't get the petrol strimmer started!)
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:04, Reply)

So you smell of Germans and petrol?
That can't be a good thing...
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:14, Reply)

Germans and Ether
An even less appetising combination!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:16, Reply)

Smelling like a rapey sausage fiend.
Wonderful.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:19, Reply)

Hugo Boss was a committed Nazi.

( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:32, Reply)

True to his cause or stayed in a nuthouse?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:35, Reply)

As was Adi Dassler.
And Rudolf Dassler too I see.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:04, Reply)

I don't think Easyjet are sorry to be keeping me waiting

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:15, Reply)

I'm sorry you're being kept waiting.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:22, Reply)

I'm sure they're positively mortified at keeping you waiting.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:22, Reply)

I think it's one of those situations where they *say* they are sorry
but really they don't care if you die in a horrendous house fire.
( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:23, Reply)

I also don't care if he dies in a horrendous house fire.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:26, Reply)

I care very deeply that he hasn't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:27, Reply)

Sorry "Shameless Mick"
I'd popped out to buy some fags alright?!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:27, Reply)

Totally crossing my fingers for the old
falling-asleep-in-bed-with-lit-cigarette "tragedy", right here.
( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:31, Reply)

^ this ^

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:32, Reply)

I hope a klingon shoves their phaser up your cock end so you shit out a Shatner

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:34, Reply)

With all that seasoned wood on your floor
your flat'll go up a treat.
( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:36, Reply)

it burns because it's true

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:38, Reply)

true wood
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:54, Reply)

Right! I'm off the the gym.
Better work on my upper body if I'm going to be carting Al around all weekend.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:28, Reply)

Will you be saying "Hodor" every time he talks to you?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:31, Reply)

whats a vanity search?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:33, Reply)

It's what cunts do

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:34, Reply)

yours would be this
b3ta.com/search/posts?q=bent+spastic
(PsychoChomp, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:38, Reply)

I get one page and it's all bullyin

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:39, Reply)

yeah when are they gonna realise being a bent spastic is a compliment?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:49, Reply)

I meant if you search for NAked_ape, ACtually

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:50, Reply)

shut up you bent spastic

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:51, Reply)

you've changed man

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:54, Reply)

that's how evolution works, you bent spastic

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:56, Reply)

Shut up Nakers you bent spastic.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:57, Reply)

That's it, I'm NEVER coming for pizza now

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:02, Reply)

Has anyone recently mentioned what a bent spastic you are?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:58, Reply)

shut up you bent midget spastic

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:01, Reply)

What, hang on, you're a bird now?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:02, Reply)

5am shut up floor spactic day off bent

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:03, Reply)

You bent 'spactic'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:04, Reply)

He's so bent and spactic he can't even spell bent and spactic.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:05, Reply)

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and call him a bent spactic.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:06, Reply)

I hope the limb breaks and you fall to your death
and the limb was your leg and it really hurts
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:07, Reply)

You can talk, what with your spactic limbs and all.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:08, Reply)

yours would be this
b3ta.com/search/posts?q=Quinten
(PsychoChomp, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:37, Reply)

i don't like how herb's being mean about me there

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 15:42, Reply)

Well, this is good isn't it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:16, Reply)

kroney's a well known ruiner
he'll die unloved and alone, you mark my words
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:17, Reply)

Within the next week, I hope.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:18, Reply)

My biggest problem
is that I'm almost *too* sexy.
( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:30, Reply)

I've started a new thread.
Saving the internet, one thread at a time.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:20, Reply)

Should have gone into work
didn't bother. Bought more stuff to make costume from instead. I will regret this decision when I pick up the box of marking tomorrow
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:18, Reply)

this thread is dead and the new question is shit and dull
fab. meanwhile i have to work for people who do things like review my fee quote and ask if i can just confirm that they are definitely going to win BEFORE they approve the quote. yes. yes i'd love to spend 5 hours reading everything for free, then give you an opinion, only for you to say "oh well, i no longer need the work then, i'm gonna win."

i hate clients sometimes.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:25, Reply)

The next time some Doris has a crack at me about having "man-flu"
I'm going to point her at your Facebook for today.
( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:31, Reply)

i am sicker than a sick dog on sick drugs
this NEVER happens to me. why? why?? whyyyyyyyyyyyy???
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:35, Reply)

Because you're a pussy.

( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:36, Reply)

you leave your filthy talk out of this

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:38, Reply)

I wouldn't know how. It's just the way I am.

( Kroney, Wed 6 Jun 2012, 16:40, Reply)