Ok then
if you had to insert an object into one of Al's orifices which object and which orifice would you choose?
( I saw Al kissing Santa Claus before doing it reindeer style under the tree, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:12, Reply)

I'd stick my fist
right up the stupid cunts japs eye until I could pull his bladder out.
(althegeordie kissed a dog and he liked it., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:21, Reply)

Were you breast fed as a child, Cheeses?

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:53, Reply)

After a moment's contemplation in the sandwich shop,
I've decided that was a bit unfair and I should take it back: I think you were breast fed all the way to adulthood.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:06, Reply)

Too many options!
For now though, Gordan Brown, in his aural orifice.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:22, Reply)

Satsuma /
empty eye socket.
(Christmas Santa-iago paradiddles, ratamacues and inverted flam-taps., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:24, Reply)

what would you empty it with first?

( althechristmasgeordie is complicated, like a squirrel in a flan., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:25, Reply)

Suction
That way you get a nice tasty treat.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Has an atom bomb, a motherfucking atom bomb, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:27, Reply)

I assumed it would have been prepared
in preparation of my visit? Is there not a butler for that sort of thing?
(Christmas Santa-iago paradiddles, ratamacues and inverted flam-taps., Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:27, Reply)

Oh too difficult to choose!
Erm, his head up his arse? No wait, bindun.
Oh I know, my head up his arse - I can catch all his posts at the source then.
*prepares industrial headgear*
( clendrix spit-roasting on an open fire has a new BFF and he's HOT, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:26, Reply)

I have a respirator you can use.
Old stage prop, but still works. Crampons may be neccessary too to deal with the mountains.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:32, Reply)

Oh lovely, thank you.
I also have a trowel and a garden hose.
( clendrix spit-roasting on an open fire has a new BFF and he's HOT, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:33, Reply)

Claw hammer
Urethra
( Captain V, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:34, Reply)

Onion!
A most versatile vegetable.

This comment 100% recycled.

EDIT: Except the last line. And this one.

ANOTHER EDIT: And the carriage returns. And this line.

AND ANOTHER EDIT: I only answered half the question. Um. In the eye.

A CONTINUATION OF THE LAST EDIT: This comment is now mostly new material.
(ThomsonsPier is mistrustful of the words you say, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:34, Reply)

double hand-operated whisk
up the jacksie
( Festivipros you caught my nose in your left castanet, love, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:35, Reply)

A chicken
Then we'd have eggs coming out for daily omelettes.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:43, Reply)

Tricky,
all the best orifices are gone.

Are we allowed to make new ones? We could rip him a japs nostril or maybe a tear duct poo shooter?

(Not sure how much mileage I can get out of this one...)
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:48, Reply)

Hey,
We could sew him up, one orifice at a time, till he explodes!
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:51, Reply)

Oh *clicky*

( clendrix spit-roasting on an open fire has a new BFF and he's HOT, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:53, Reply)

:-D

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:07, Reply)

Pineapple
In the nose!
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:56, Reply)

Haha!
That works PERFECTLY when read with your name and sig :-)
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:15, Reply)

Can I stick a moistened finger into Al's ear.
I have a feeling he'd really hate being given a 'wet willy'.
( big-girl's-baubles thinks everything tastes better than skinny feels, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 12:57, Reply)

Seeing as the position is still free...
Your mother.
(Mullered now has reflective shot. He also needs food, badly, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:04, Reply)

Airbus A-380
in the ear. Might need a little forcing.
( The Light In Giftwrap won't play poker with the Skull Spark Joker, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 13:33, Reply)