I have a runny nose and a bit of a cough
Can you please help diagnose me. Please consider the following pertinent information:

- I have skin to protect me from nasty bugs (and insects)
- My mucus membranes are really, really sticky, kind of like glue. They catch nasty things, like willies, that try to penetrate me
- I've never come in contact with anybody with any illness ever
- Even if I had I can wash my hands much better than people from the 1920s so I'll be ok right?
- If I get really ill I'll just forge a visa and move to another country to kill those fuckers with my germs.
- I am a fairly normal human being but I have a cat's face. I don't have sex with cats though.
( Captain V, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:01, Reply)

are we going over this again?

(Psyc-Ho-Ho-Ho-Chomp **bearer of the waki crown**, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:02, Reply)

The doctor thought I might have a nasty disease because lots of other people do
But I definitely don't but he kept asking me so I got upset and I flounced and I got some medicine.

I need your help though because I don't want to take the medicine because I'm not really ill so I need your help INTERNET PEOPLE. SAVE ME!
( Captain V, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:03, Reply)

be sure to refer to infections as diseases
then edit the original when I point it out.
Oh and interchange vaccines and anti virals.
(Psyc-Ho-Ho-Ho-Chomp **bearer of the waki crown**, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:10, Reply)

You have
CAT AIDS
( I saw Al kissing Santa Claus before doing it reindeer style under the tree, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:02, Reply)

Yes!
CAT AIDS.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:02, Reply)

That's right people,
He's got CAT AIDS from fucking a CAT.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:02, Reply)

my name is Kate.

( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:03, Reply)

It's close enough
You may want to get to a resturant right away to get yourself checked out
( I saw Al kissing Santa Claus before doing it reindeer style under the tree, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:04, Reply)

It wasn't you.
It was Mr. Tibbles.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:04, Reply)

Gay cat AIDS?
shocker.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:05, Reply)

Yeah.
The Bad Kind.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:05, Reply)

No
I don't have sex with cats even though I am one.
( Captain V, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:04, Reply)

I'm ever so sorry to tell you this
but you have Lupus.
( Mary's sexbox explosion makes me The Jesus, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:02, Reply)

sounds like an STD,
but probably just an Internet virus.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:02, Reply)

Have you tried turning yourself off,
then turning yourself back on again?
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:03, Reply)

I can turn myself on
But not off without you around.
( Captain V, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:04, Reply)

*reboots*

( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:06, Reply)

*attempts percussive maintenance*

( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:07, Reply)

Cold shower, wank, cold shower, wank
lather, rinse repeat
( Mary's sexbox explosion makes me The Jesus, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:05, Reply)

these are my plans for this afternoon.
I approve.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:06, Reply)

Does this mean
"have you tried having a wank"?
(wellgroomedkrampus you are our second favourite food, OTHER THAN WOOD, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:05, Reply)

I cannot believe someone got flamed for mentioning she was pissed off at the doctor.
Is life really so boring right now?
( big-girl's-baubles is still too scared to ask someone out : (, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:06, Reply)

I don't even dislike VC
But I missed out on the fun of the last thread so thought I'd tell everybody about my suspiciously similar situation in hope of a similarly entertaining thread developing.
( Captain V, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:08, Reply)

I don't hink anyone dislikes VC but bloody hell.
There were some straws grabbed in that thread.
( big-girl's-baubles is still too scared to ask someone out : (, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:09, Reply)

strawgrabbing is a classic symptom
of False Authority Syndrome.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:10, Reply)

Really?
What are the other symptoms?
( big-girl's-baubles is still too scared to ask someone out : (, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:11, Reply)

Sometimes you get a rash
Occasionally a swollen genitals.

The best treatment is a 3 week course of MTFU.
( Captain V, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:12, Reply)

It comes from an old article on computer viruses
but applies right across the Internet.

The word best describing such a sufferer is "ultracrepidarian". FACT! (Or is it? Hmmm.)
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:17, Reply)

She gets pedantic when she gets defensive
Even if she doesn't mean to it provokes the people she's being defensive towards to get pedantic too. Good old vicious circles eh?
( Captain V, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:11, Reply)

Shes a likeable young loon
But she was digging and digging in that thread
(The Dirty Christmas Treeker I will bite your face off, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:16, Reply)

That's not really why she got flamed though.
Just thought I'd mention that.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:27, Reply)

Tru dat

( Mary's sexbox explosion makes me The Jesus, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:31, Reply)

I know why she got flamed and I still think it's a bit desperate.
But 10/10 for sticking up for herself.
( big-girl's-baubles is still too scared to ask someone out : (, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:33, Reply)

Hmmm.
Perhaps 10/10 for tenacity.
0/10 for success though.
(wellgroomedkrampus you are our second favourite food, OTHER THAN WOOD, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:35, Reply)

Story of my life.

( Cawl - King Of Wales, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 14:00, Reply)

And just what
would you have all said to her if she hadn't reacted defensively to the initial attacks on her?

Would you have all been nice, or at least reasonable?

Or would you have flamed her anyway?

Take a good long look at yourselves, b3ta, you're a pack of fucking cunts sometimes. You were just looking for an excuse, and you know it.
( warmfuzzyfestivefuckingfeeling brings you corporate festivities, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 20:50, Reply)