Ok, so I'm at work, and I'm very, bum-crimpingly drunk....

(long story...)

I get picked up in less than an hour. What can I do for maximum spacktardedness before I am collected?

nothing too strenuous though...I'm a bit drowsy to be honest...
( Pooflake , for imsomniacs who don't respond to strong drugs, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 15:48, Reply)

leave a note on the toilet lid saying 'open for a big surprise'

( Kristine doesn't want a fucking christmas name, you cunt, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 15:51, Reply)

Right oh...

Be back in 2 minutes...
( Pooflake , for imsomniacs who don't respond to strong drugs, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 15:52, Reply)

OK so I'm back....

I wrote the note out and took it to the bogs...

Unfortunately, all three traps were full...(for a fucking change!)

So I waited until one of the shitters finished, and as soon as they flushed I waited RIGHT by the door.

They opened it in quite a startled fashion.

I then said 'Don't mind me', shut their bog seat, placed the note and walked back here.


Right then...what's next?
( Pooflake , for imsomniacs who don't respond to strong drugs, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 15:58, Reply)

brill
start hiding things, put a plant in the office fridge, take everyones stapler and arange them in a pretty pile, make a necklace from paperclips
( Kristine doesn't want a fucking christmas name, you cunt, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:06, Reply)

Time trial
See how long you can walk (stagger?) round with nothing but three sheets of paper and a determined look on your face.

Or go for an extra-long poo.

Nothing beats being paid to poo.
(Miraclefish was employed for his good with words, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 15:52, Reply)

You've just described...

My usual working day...
( Pooflake , for imsomniacs who don't respond to strong drugs, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:02, Reply)

I think a repetition
of the pooing your pants scenario would be great.
( althechristmasgeordie is complicated, like a squirrel in a flan., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 15:55, Reply)

I'm not a performing seal you know...!

But it is my sad duty to report that an...erm...'incident' happened to me a couple of weeks ago that I am waiting for the right time (and right QOtW) to post about.

/is ashamed
( Pooflake , for imsomniacs who don't respond to strong drugs, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:00, Reply)

When the phone rings
Shout "Aaaaaaaaaaargh the bells!!" and hide under your desk.
( jingle_bob, jingle_bob, jingle all the way... is a waterproof rapist. Apparently., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:05, Reply)

Now done...

some funny looks, but no trouble.

I'll shout louder next time.
( Pooflake , for imsomniacs who don't respond to strong drugs, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:14, Reply)

Right...
Say this line to the next fella who walks into the office:

"You know, I've been having some serious doubts about my sexuality... And it's all because of you... D'you fancy exploring this further tonight over drinks, a little dancing, and some a stong as fuck bottle of poppers? Don't worry - I'll let you be the man."
(SpankyHanky, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:06, Reply)

I would...

But the bloke sat next to me looks like linford Christie.

He'd split me in half.

Besides, I said ' not too strenuous' and if getting butt-attacked by a bloke who looks like he's got half a drainpipe in his pants isn't strenuous, I don't know what is...
( Pooflake , for imsomniacs who don't respond to strong drugs, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:15, Reply)

Point taken...
start with a little fella, preferably a horny midget, and work your way up.

In that case, attempt to mummify yourself with a roll of selotape.
(SpankyHanky, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:23, Reply)

I doff my hat
to you sir. I am now picking out half chewed bits of Crunchie from my keyboard and screen.
(Ethelred is currently sick. MOAR SYMPATHIES PWEASE, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:25, Reply)