Today's very important question
Your mission is to maim Al, but not kill him. To fulfill this mission, you must choose your:
Weapon
location
duration
( Mary's sexbox explosion makes me The Jesus, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:22, Reply)

My body
My bedroom
4 days should do it
( big-girl's-baubles thinks everything tastes better than skinny feels, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:23, Reply)

This is my favourite one

( althechristmasgeordie is complicated, like a squirrel in a flan., Thu 2 Jul 2009, 11:00, Reply)

Hmm.
Honda Accord
Dark Street
10 minutes of revving
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:25, Reply)

rail gun
really far away
in the blink of an eye
( Festivipros you caught my nose in your left castanet, love, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:27, Reply)

...
It doesn't really matter what I write, all Al is going to do later is fwap over the others!
( Agnostic Antichristmas X-Box Live: BouYatFastard, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:27, Reply)

Weapon - Hornets.
Location - On the balls.
Duration - 'til they get bored of stinging him.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:27, Reply)

Hmm
I would get a room and cover the floor in various bear traps, glass shards and other sharp things.

I would then aquire several stuffed dogs and glue these to the floor in between the traps

Then I would turn off all the lights and make Al walk around in the dark whilst I filmed it with my infared camera laughing as he fell over the dogs into the traps.

I'd probably give it a few hours.

B3tans with infrared goggles and electric cattle prods would also be allowed to carefully nudge Al towards the traps.
( I saw Al kissing Santa Claus before doing it reindeer style under the tree, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:30, Reply)

this has my vote
let's do it
( Festivipros you caught my nose in your left castanet, love, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:31, Reply)

Geez, you've really thought about this haven't you?
I'm liking the infra red goggles though.
( Mary's sexbox explosion makes me The Jesus, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:31, Reply)

This is the most inventive one and wins the prize

( althechristmasgeordie is complicated, like a squirrel in a flan., Thu 2 Jul 2009, 11:01, Reply)

The Jonas Brothers
The Disney Channel
Non-stop
(himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:31, Reply)

Mmmm Nasty Goodness.
Weapon: Baseball bat covered in honey
Location: On top of a fireant mound
Duration: Until the sun is past the yardarm so I can drink while enjoying the spectacle.
(porkyulelips Built for comfort, not for speed., Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:33, Reply)

Weapon: Forcing him to be nice continually by attaching a probe to his skull that measures his brainwaves and every time they spike with nasty thoughts, he gets a minor to severe shock, depending on the strength of his brainwave (and therefore, the nastiness).

Location: Above the temporal lobe.

Duration: until he's a gibbering wreck.
(Poppet Nothing like an almighty urgency-fuck!, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:34, Reply)

This one should have been
a) Lack of a British Passport
b) Another European Country
c) as long as it take to get a visa.
( althechristmasgeordie is complicated, like a squirrel in a flan., Thu 2 Jul 2009, 11:02, Reply)

/yawns
Your british passport is nothing but an accident of Birth mate. :) You could so easily have been born here, and I there. Love and fluff. xo
(Poppet Nothing like an almighty urgency-fuck!, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 13:26, Reply)

HOLOCAUST - AUSTRIA - 10 YEARS

(Wormulus, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:44, Reply)

hahahaha
nice.
( I saw Al kissing Santa Claus before doing it reindeer style under the tree, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:47, Reply)

Jolly good fun!
Weapon: Tweezers - for the removal of hair and nails, pinching of skin, ramming down ears, pulling nose hairs, eye torture, scratching and stabbing.

location: In a deep, dark wood - admission by invite only.

duration: Such activities should have no timescale.
(Spikey halls and boughs of Pickle fa la la la la, la, la, la laaaaa wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:53, Reply)

Hmmm
Weapon - Farty twins
Location - A small, sealed room
Duration - Until he promises never to mention precum and Spakka's cock again.

*edit* Oh yes, and beckyletters can join him too.
(PJM Does not love Liberace, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 9:57, Reply)

Ummm, you said the P word. I'm telling PJM... Oh wait
PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM PRECUM
( Mary's sexbox explosion makes me The Jesus, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 10:04, Reply)

*gibbers*
*wails*
*sobs*
(PJM Does not love Liberace, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 10:06, Reply)

Now then now then

Massive strap on

Jimmy Savill's bedroom

Until the end of time
(Naked rape the whores with bows of holly, tra la la la la la la la la Can I play with badness?, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 10:08, Reply)

Two birds, one stone...
Weapon: Snugglewugglez by Becks
Location: Back seat at the local picture-house.
Duration: The running time for the Dawson Creek movie.
( Dance, Gonz, where ever you may be, for you are the lord of the dance settee. Disclaimer: I'm joking, soz for potential offence., Thu 2 Jul 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Actually, I've got one
A rangers shirt
The away end at Ibrox
The 90 minutes of the Old Firm Derby

I don't think he'd be killed, but he'd come back a quivering wreck.
( Agnostic Antichristmas X-Box Live: BouYatFastard, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 10:32, Reply)