Mad old people
We had this mad old lesbian, brain warped from years of sapphic desires, down our road when we were kids who hated children playing in the street outside her house.

She'd come out the front whenever we were there, waving a broom, an umbrella, or on one memorable occasion, something that resembled a 14 inch Monster Kong vibrator, threatening us will all kinds of trouble if we didn't clear off pretty sharpish.

"I'll have you all sent to the orphanage"

"I'll have your dog poisoned"

"A spell in the Hitler Youth will do you good"

"I've got a gun and I'm not afraid to use it"

"I've got a friend who's a judge and he'll have your parents sent to prison, you mark my words"

The fruitcake.

Revenge. We put a dog turd in a paper bag, set fire to it and left it on her doorstep, and watched in fits of laughter as she stamped out the flames.

She told our parents, who congratulated us on our efforts.

_________________________

Choaderboy's effort reminds me of my late great aunt. She invited herself to stay, and while we were watching Top of the Pops one Thursday evening, you could see she was fit to explode.

After watching an entire programme of punx, metallists and weirdoes, her only comment was one of disgust at OMD: "He's got his shirt tails hanging out!"

We thought she'd finished, but as the end credits rolled, she trumped this with the immortal "There's far too many darkies on television these days."

She's dead and my brother got her car.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 11 Mar 2004, 13:59, Reply)