shot in the face
We've all been there I suppose - I was happily wandering down your typical English suburban street - every so often I'd see a single brick hovering magically in mid-air above my head. I jump up and punch it - a coin comes out. "How fortunate" I punch it again, another one. I keep doing this about 9 or 10 times and then nothing. Fair enough, and on I go.

Suddenly I'm confronted by a chicken/turtle thing (?) walking towards me with about 4 identical creatures following behind. It makes no attempt to get out of my way and I bump into it. This is the weird bit - I decrease in size, almost by half! Angered by this, I jump on the bugger and he disappears into his shell. I jump on him again and send the shell hurtling into all his mates knocking them into oblivion. I look around for any police officers or animal welfare types and thankfully find none but thinking it wise to lay low for a bit I jump down this massive green pipe into a sort of cave thingy.

More coins! Suspended in mid-air. I gather as many as I can for fuck knows what reason and emerge on the other side out of another enormous green pipe. I carry on for a bit until I find another box above my head, tantalisingly bearing a question mark. I punch it and a little (I say little, it's about as big as my entire body thanks to that chicken thing. Wanker.) star, flashing yellow and red, pops out of the top. I chase it and manage to catch it.

Suddenly I feel invincible and go looking for those chicken things. Oh how the tables have turned! Now, when I touch them - THEY die! "This is marvellous" I exclaim and sprint about the place killing all sorts - big plant creatures with cocksucker lips (they live in the pipes I think?), little spiky shelled hedgehog bastards and weird green lads who have a seemingly endless supply of hammers that they never tire of chucking at me.

But...and this is the 'ouch' moment.... it wears off completely without warning and I run head first into a fucking massive shiny black bullet with a face on it (??) and i go flying into the air and fall off the face of the earth. Ouch! Bloody Ouch.
(Andrew Avetoom, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 21:03, 3 replies)

watch out
i wound up on a ship once, which was inexplicably floating above the clouds. those bomb-things were all over it! if i hadn't punched a brick containing a leaf, which magically gave me a tail, i doubt i'd have got out of there alive!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 21:48, closed)

The worst part
is when the Great Giana Sisters pass off your anecdotes as their own.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 7:53, closed)

The wife still says
"Let's-a-go" and sings the little tune (du-du du-du-du DU!)
EVERY time we leave the house.......
(greatoldone Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl f'tagn, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 8:55, closed)