Voila, les anglais sont fou
When I lived in Paris, was in a block where every floor had two apartments, each a mirror of the other. I lived next to an elderly couple, very sweet, very polite in a borgeousie french kind of way. Never really had any friendship with them, except for a smile, a "Bonjour" and a few pleasantries when we passed each other on the stairs.

A few months into my stay, I missed having a pet around and got a nine week old kitten. A while later, as usual, I passed the old man on the stairs and he asked how I was. We started chatting a bit (bit of a challenge, as my limited O'level french hadn't really got any better). To my surprise, he asked me if I had a new girlfriend. Thinking for a few moments, I realized that he must have heard me talking to the kitten so I replied "non, j'ai une nouvelle chaton". He stared at me for a few seconds with a look of surprise and then started giggling. He giggled SO hard, that soon he was clutching the bannister and was almost choking with laughter. I just stood there, lamely smiling (as you do when everyone is laughing at a joke you don't really understand). I assumed I had said something stupid in French. When he finally got his breath back, he wiped his eyes and told me in English, "my wife and I thought you had a sex-mad new girlfriend". Ok, now really confused, but then it hit me: like all kittens & puppies, my little one was always wanting to play at 3am, or early in the morning when I was sleeping in weekends. My automatic response was to shout at her, and they must have heard that through the adjoining wall

"leave me alone, it's Saturday morning!!"
"fuck sake, go to sleep!"
"get off me!"
And the classic (when she would scratch me to get attention):
"Stop scratching me, that bloody hurt!"

(I might add that I love her dearly..she's been around for 15 years now... just have limited patience at 3am)
(sabre32, Mon 29 Aug 2011, 18:27, 7 replies)

This is excellent.
Have a CLICK.

Good job it's not now that the couple overhear you shouting at your little friend:

"You'll not live to see 16 if you don't stop scratching me, you little bastard!"
etc etc
(Rsoles, Mon 29 Aug 2011, 19:24, closed)

ok, JUST choked on my first slurp of tea! Good one!
(sabre32, Wed 31 Aug 2011, 7:53, closed)

Ahh bless!

My late and sorely missed cat once kept demanding more and more fuss one night. After the 280th time I just ignored him and went back to sleep until the little fucker walloped me hard around the head with both paws with claws at full extension!!!

Still do miss him though!!!
( Vambo, Mon 29 Aug 2011, 22:19, closed)

"Dogs have owners, Cats have personal assistants". Mine has recently discovered that the best way to wake me up is to stand with all four paws on the centre of my forehead. The effect when hungover is remarkable
(sabre32, Wed 31 Aug 2011, 7:54, closed)

My cat used to stand over me then fart in my face
Just a perfect way to wake up, especially with a hangover.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 12:23, closed)

Yeah,
that and all the fucking.
(salvadorevincent, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 11:49, closed)

Made me smile.
Reminds me of being thankful I told my girlfriend about having cats when she heard me over Skype saying "No! Not down there Jeff, ow! That hurt! Get off me!
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 18:18, closed)