no.
sorry!
i can make something up if you'd prefer..?
well there was this one time....
(Euphrosne, Mon 23 Jan 2006, 10:21, Reply)

I will make you an offer you can't refuse...
Several years back, while on a booze-fuelled trip to Benedorm (disgusting place) my friend and I were sort of between bars - looking for the next one, that is - when a man seemed somehow to sense our thirst, approached us and promised us a place with lots of cheap alcohol and beautiful girls. This didn't sound too bad so we went along. On entering said place, we realised that the guy probably hadn't been perfectly impartial as the drinks were ridiculously expensive and the ladies seemed rather... businesslike, to say the least. It slowly dawned on us that we had unwittingly wandered into one of the most notorious brothels in Benidorm. Obviously we were immediately beset by ladies of the night offering their services. Neither of us was in any condition for the goods being offered (besides, most of them seemed to have passed their "consume by" - date) so we decided to bugger off. The only problem was that they seemed to view this as haggling. So they followed us out the door, trying to cut us a deal.

The most persistent one was a middle aged, black lady, rather overweight, who finally grabbed my mates' arm and uttered the immortal words:

"Hey! You - me - your friend ... 5000 pesetas!" (~£20)

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if we had accepted...
(angurgapi So now I'm a mathematician. Now what?, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 23:51, Reply)

I can suggest an alternative.
Pay for an £80,000 car instead of paying for sex. Then - for some reason- you can always get sex, no matter how socially inept or ugly you are.

I test luxury cars for a UK posh-car marque and it's amazing how many strangers -attractive and otherwise- start conversations with you when you are percieved to be in posession of said car. And how predictably quickly they fuck off when they find out it's not yours. But if it was mine I'm certain I would have had blonde bimbos (think Footballer's Wives) spilling out of my bedroom.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Sun 22 Jan 2006, 22:43, Reply)

hamstersham
the night before new years eve 2000/2001 me and a couple of mates arrived in the shplendiferoush capital city of holland. like fat kids on cupcakes we began stuffing our faces with as many illicit substances as possible to work up enough courage to visit some ladies of the night. this done, i choose my lucky lady and wander into her boudoire, where i'm told to drop my threads and get on ze bed. after some amazing foreplay where she managed to strap a johnny on using only her face she assumes the position. so i'm back there taking it slow and steady, you know, showin her some respect, she says,"come on don't you know how to fuck?". without taking this too personally i embrace this criticism and pick up the pace considerably. to which my efforts are promptly met with, "shtop shtop i am not a machine!" so completely confused and totally off my stroke i try to strike up a happy medium, to which my efforts are met with, "okay time'sh up, get out..." after spending something like 200 guilders i was somewhat disappointed with my experience, so much so that i had to visit another lucky lady. unfortunately i could only afford a handjob.
(kalimah, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 22:17, Reply)

No I haven't you sad bastards



sorreh
(Fwapper Has just got a new PC =), Sun 22 Jan 2006, 22:04, Reply)

Well, I haven´t but...
A friend of mine came to London for a weekend, the highlight of which was to be a Transformers convention on the Saturday. He´d told me he was really keen to come along, and it would be his first time. So obviously on the Friday we went out and got absolutely motherfucked on pills and techno and as we were staggering back in the wee hours, he confessed that he had got right into ladies of the night lately, and he really wanted to visit one. I said that there were several "saunas" and "massage parlours" on the way home, but alas at this early hour they were all closed and despite calling one that had their number prominently displayed (the one by Camden Road train station) and asking if they would deliver, there was nothing to be found.

So we went back to mine and had a couple more drinks and a spliff, me hoping that this would calm his raging horn. No such luck. Eventually, he disappeared to find a callbox with a number in it, and I went to the TFs convention. I have never had such a ropey day in all my life, I was slurred, mumbling and spent most of my time in the bar, trying to regain some composure and keep the alcohol levels topped to try and avoid the inevitable comedown.

He spent about 2 hours with said lady of the night, because of the huge amounts of ecstasy swilling about in his system he had little to no chance of actually achieving orgasm and was still left with a raging horn at the end of it.

...

I´m not sure there´s actually a lesson here, except that Transformers are better than prostitutes. Probably.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 19:47, Reply)

When I was in Peru,
I spent a few days in Arequipa, decribed in all the guide books as a "beautiful city".

Beautiful as in brimming with whores, maybe.

Walking down the street with a bunch of mates one evening, looking for dinner, I felt a grab at my arm. Turning to see what it was all about, I was confronted with a group of Peruvian ladies of the night.

For reasons which I am currently unable to fathom, my way of dealing with the matter was to turn round and scream "FUCK OFF PROSTITUTES!" which they all found hilarious.

So no.
(Slurpy The Frog, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 19:08, Reply)

No...
... but if I ever wanted to I wouldn't have far to go, as there is a brothel on my street.

Me and my flatmates had heard rumours, but one of us knew for sure, (story told with his air quotes) as a friend of his had gone in one time for a "laugh". He was shown around the premises, was given some idea of prices and available wares, and then "left".

And if I was ever interested in that other sort of thing, the park about 100m from my flat is Glasgow's cottaging hotspot.

It's a shame I'm a girl really.

(First post!)
(w0rmwood pearl, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 15:37, Reply)

In Brazil
a few years back I was out for at a club with a bunch of other westerners, mostly guys. It was an open-air place with a dance floor but due to the fact that all the Brazilians were dancing like pros and we were all slightly lacking in the coordination department we were just sitting drinking and chatting.

After a while we had been joined by a group of local ladies, one of whom was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. With the translating help of a Portuguese speaker in our group it transpired that she liked the look of me too so a little while later we were kissing in a quiet corner.

On returning to the group it turned out that the rest of the group were ready to leave having discovered that the other women were all prostitutes, "we fucky fucky, 30 reais" being the standard line. Maybe being a little naive/optimistic but as my girl didn't suggest anything I don't think she was a hooker. That's what I tell myself at least.

Funniest moment of the night was when one of the guys did a quick conversion and realised to his great disappointment that the asking price had been just £10.

I guess the answer to the question would be no, then.
(The Sun King, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 14:59, Reply)

No
but thanks for asking anyway.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 13:32, Reply)

No
But I have heard that you can get someone to Kong your Whopper for only 50p
(WarneMarsh My priority for frivolity begets quality jollity, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 13:09, Reply)

Not yet
Never paid cash up front for it (yet) but my God I've certainly paid dearly enough for it in my day, and I'm sure you either feel the same, or will probably come to in time . . . so, sorry not to have a juicy tidbit to chuck at this question, but I do have a wonderfully appropriate quote:

"Beware of whores who tell you they don't want money. The hell they don't. What they mean is they want more money - much more." William S. Burroughs - 'Words of advice for Young people'

PS / BTW: Does this make me sound more bitter and cynical than anyone here who has had a hooker?
(kiki chunt now available in blank, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 11:01, Reply)

Another deal.
So the ex popped round to avoid rush-hour.

"Make me a coffee," she said.
"Give me a blowjob," I wittily respond.

Good girl.
(onedotzero, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 10:35, Reply)

Yep...
I have two kids. I'm paying for sex, and will be for the next 20 years or so...
(Bonedwarf is the size of a lemon, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 9:49, Reply)

yes
no
(weedom, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 2:55, Reply)

In estonia
I went there on a trip from Finland, where i was on a 4 month placement from my uni.
I went out on the piss with 3 other blokes (all Finnish and unable to speak English) after a few hours of drinking they decided to find a whorehouse. They flaged a taxi down had a chat to the driver and away we go, with me thinking we are off to another bar.

We pull up at a house and I started to wonder what was going on, my frist thought was arrrh they must be getting some coke. We all get out the taxi who then drives off, I'm getting really worried by this point.
A knock on the door and its opened by a scantily clad lady, I suddenly worked out what was going on, sobered up and started to flap. I tried in my best Finnish (i only knew yes, no and a swear word Vittu) to explain I hadn't payed for sex before and didn't really want to. To this day I'm sure they misunderstood me and thought i was trying to say I'd never had sex, becuase they all chipped in and payed for me.
So I ended up spending a very enjoyable hour with a russian lady, who also couldn't speak english, for free.
Technicly I didn't pay, but the round of appluse I got from everyone in the house afterward was payment enuff I think.
(lost at the beach, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 1:26, Reply)

Hmmph
I've bartered for it. Does that count?
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 1:06, Reply)

I knew
a boy once who embarked on sex. Did he pay for it I hear you ask? Yes,that he did. He gave her a scrunched £5 note, and she gave him the dirtiest clap ridden wart infested 3 and a half minutes of his life. Now the only thing he pays for is ointment and antibiotics.
Stay in school kids.
(Legs 11 last got some loving on, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 1:06, Reply)

I have never paid for sex
Oh dear, that was a bit boring.
(eyes, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 0:40, Reply)

A friend gave me a lift home a few months back...
and we dropped another friend off at town. If any of you have wondered down Sweet Street in Leeds at 11pm on any evening, you will know what it is like.

I needed to get some money out of an ATM because I owed him a tenner. We went to a cash machine near Sweet Street:

These 2 prostitutes came towards me asked if I was requiring any assistance. I wasn't. I took out my money and turned back to get in the car. My friend had driven down the road just in view to be laughing his arse off at me. I was scared! I didn't want to be left alone with these two middle aged women. I just said "no thanks", and walked off.

Then, the most terrifying thinkg I have seen for ages happened. I looked around and there must have been about ten thousand twelve prostitutes, all walking up and down. Their dark, smacked up eyes and wrinkled skin would have been more fitting in a coffin than out on the streets.

It was like something out of Dawn of the Dead. They all, slowly started making their way towards my friends car. He shouted at me "Get in the car!". One of the hookers thought he was talking to her, and opened the door. "Not you, yer filthy whore!"

My whole life flashed before my eyes: Walking my first step, saying my first word, failing my first exam, losing my virginity, right up to getting propositioned by a Liz McDonald lookalike.

Then everything went in slow motion. My friend drove off, and I was almost in tears! What if one of them pulled a needle on me? What if they tried to rub their chlamydia infested vaginas into my youthful, spritely eyes?

Eventually I managed to escape them, weaving in and out of their ferociously skinny bodies. I dived head first into my friends car through the window, as he drove off with my legs still dangling out. (Okay, so that last bit didn't happen.)

But I lived to tell another tale. I survived the manic 10 minutes that could have ended up with me contracting the clap. Alas, no! We escaped into the sunset and retired to our life of youthful innocence.

Plus, I only had a tenner, and they wanted fourty!
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Sun 22 Jan 2006, 0:35, Reply)

A quick calculation
I reckon it cost me for sex while at uni:
£200+ in hotel bills
£2000+ in drinks
£400+ in restaurants
£100ish condoms + accessories
£250 in gifts

so thats £3000ish, shit thats a lot; how much would it have cost if I'd actually paid?
(lankymike, Sat 21 Jan 2006, 19:44, Reply)

for brotagaia
no we just have to pay more money for the same services as skinnys not more frequently as the girls are risking crush injuries, they know my belly every fold the deep depressions where the cankers taking hold
( Vultan the real one I threw my little yellow shoe, Sat 21 Jan 2006, 14:17, Reply)

patpong
I vividly recall my first visit to bangkok, where upon arrival i had to find evidence of the extreme nature of patpong, the red light district.

Took a taxi there and the very first thing i heard, with door half open, in a high pitched whiny scouse female voice was " .... but I don't want to watch 2 boys having sex..".

By the time I recovered, the inevitable "you want sex show?", "girls, fucky fucky", "ping pong",etc crowd had gathered round me.

I have found that the best way to get rid of these kind of characters is to ask them for something so deviant that they just consider me too sick and leave me alone.

So I started asking for girl on donkey action, which only produced blank faces. so i proceeded to donkey noises and various arm gestures. This chased them all off except for one guy, who followed me to the first bar, waited outside, next bar waited outside, each time following me with cries of "donkey, donkey, come".

I didnt go and see although I do kind of regret it now.

Paid for sex ? on another occasion - yup. In germany - 1000 euros for 2 of them for the whole night. perfect looking and classy women that knew *exactly* what they were doing.

will I ever do it again ?

no.

I by far prefer real, shared enjoyment and the emotional context of being with someone you love.
( pregnantfridge, Sat 21 Jan 2006, 13:48, Reply)

In all the Benny Hill excitement...
Forgot to mention that many years ago I went for a massage (yes, a "proper" one at a beauty salon) and the young lady performing said task got a little over-friendly. More than the necessary body parts were massaged.

So I guess I did kind of pay for it. And then again when she came round to mine about a week later. That bottle of wine wasn't cheap but by golly it was worth it.

*tiptoes backwards out of thread*
(Flangella, Sat 21 Jan 2006, 8:01, Reply)

question
would the number of people who pay for sex be proportial to number of kgs they weigh?

that is, do more fatties pay for sex than skinnies?
(brotagaia, Sat 21 Jan 2006, 5:49, Reply)

Cheap Bastards
Was in Pattaya Thailand for work (really truly). Naturally myself & about 10 colleagues decided to try a night on the town.

First bar we went into had about 2 dozen girls sitting on benches behind a big glass window. After a few beers while window shopping (Number 33 with the lot, thanks), we decided to find out "how much".

At this time, it became obvious that of the 11 people at the table, I was the only one single. Someone came up with the idea to split the cost 10 ways (cheap as chips), let me go & have the shag, then come back & tell everyone about it. That way we could all get some satisfaction (some more than others) without "crossing the line".

Needless to say, I was very disappointed when half the guys turned out to be cheap bastards & wouldn't cough up

I got my revenge by paying another girl for sex later that night...







Pop goes my (B3TA) cherry
(Barry Dangerous, Sat 21 Jan 2006, 5:19, Reply)

Cheap, fast and too soon.
When I was about 9 or 10 some of my classmates came up with a plan where if we each put some money in and came up with $5 one of the fairly hot girls in the class would lift her shirt and show us her tits. Of course we all pitched in immediately! When the shirt came up we realized our fatal error, which was in forgetting that 9 year old girls don't have anything to look at under the shirt yet. In fact with her shirt pulled up over her head you couldn't tell her from us.

Oh well. If we'd invested that money in stocks instead we'd all be retired now.
(Ennui Kissinger, Sat 21 Jan 2006, 2:34, Reply)

About two years ago
one of my best friends at that point, before he had a bit of a sociopathic moment, shall we say, played for the other team. The team that could be called 'Bummers Utd.' (Note here that I do not, in case you're wondering)

Anyway, we were at one of these rainbow bars when this guy gets chatting to this very dirty looking old man. Note here that my friend is 17. And this man looks about 60

After a bit they disappear into the toilets. And reappear a while later.

What transpired was that the old man had offered my friend 50 quid to let him (The old man) give my friend a blow job. In the toilets. right there and then.

So my friend accepted.

He then told us that as the man left he whispered in his ear that he 'was staying in such-and-such a hotel, room such-and-such' and to come find him later.

My friend actually debated whether or not to go.

Much to his seeming delight we called him rent-boy for about a month untill we realised it wasn't annoying him, so went back to calling him bum-fiend
(Quantum Sheep was going to type something clever here...but...oh, Sat 21 Jan 2006, 1:55, Reply)

Accidental Almost Prostitute
Whilst in Korea, a friend of mine (Korean) and I (Canadian, brown haired, female) were walking when a very distinguished looking woman in a tradtional dress approached us. She smiled at me, gestured at him and proceeded to discuss something in rapid Korean. My friend's face grew more and more red as she spoke, and finally, he said something nasty to her, grabbed my arm an hurried us away. Apperantly the enterprising madam thought I might be in need of work…
(nabi, Sat 21 Jan 2006, 1:44, Reply)