The "Comedy Second"
Ahhh, the joys of the "Comedy Second". You all know what this is; it's a moment in time where a particularly nasty thing has happened to a person and time seems to freeze, just long enough for everyone to grasp the situation presented to them before things speed up to normal.

I caused one of these to occur in PE once. Twas during a spectacularly boring game of Indoor Cricket.

Now I have never liked cricket. I find it tedious to say the least. Hitting a ball with a stick every minute or so aint my idea of fun, so when the PE teach announced we were to get the springy uprights out quite a few of us in the less-able PE group all contributed to a more than audible sigh throughout the gym.

All setup, and 40 minutes later I had pretty much stood still for the entire time wondering when school was going to finish. Our team were now excitedly "batting" (I'm sure that's an Urban Dictionary term now) and lo, it was my go. Yey.

As we were in the spazzy group, just moving the bat and touching the ball constituted to a run. Hitting the side walls and touching the floor was a 4, while hitting the side walls of the gym straight off was a 6. Joy. Also, it was a tennis ball used, plus the bowler could only use underarm too. Could this get any lamer? Thankfully no.

Our team needed about 15 runs, and I was just happy to stand perfectly still and tap every bowl to me. I got a run and no-one had a chance to catch me. See, spaz PE'ers can strategize too :D So all the fielders had decided to move in closer and closer until they were literally about 2 metres away from me. One of these fielders was Shaun, a quiet enough lad who lived around the corner from me. Poor, poor Shaun.

I need about 6 more runs to win, but all the fielders are closing in. Time for a change of tactics methinks. The ball is bowled to me. I take a deep breath. Then twat the fucker with all my might. The visciousness of the swing surprised everyone, none more so than Shaun, who managed to catch the ball quite literally with his bollocks.

The "Comedy Second" is born.

Shaun's face contorts, firstly into a look of shock, then into a look of uber-pain. During this time, everyone in the gym took in a deep breath of air as they were all boys and knew exactly what Shaun was experiencing. This is the only time men genuinely get sympathy pains, watching someone's nuts getting crunched. Pregnancy pains? You're having a laugh. A gunt in the goolies? Men crossing legs nervously nearby.

To top this off, gravity had temporarily disabled and the tennis ball had snuggily made a pillow of Shauns beanbag and remained embedded there for a full second, before finally time sped up again and it peeled off, dropping as normal to the floor. With Shaun following it. While making mong noises.

As his ballbag temporarily catching the tennis ball was not counted as an actual catch, I was still in to bat and the remaining fielders all backed off by a number of yards, all nervously covering their nads. I went back to tapping the tennis ball again and won the match, yey me.

Poor Shaun, but yey me.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 16:08, 3 replies)

*click*

( TheMattInAHat has a particular... odour..., Wed 25 Nov 2009, 19:25, closed)

I think you'll find
a "gunt" is the flesh exposed by a fat chick about her midriff, in the mistaken belief it's sexy, a "muffin-top" if you will. The flesh between her gut and her cunt. The reason crop-tops should be banned in the UK unless worn by Polish women.

Nevertheless, a click because pod-pounding stories are always funny (when they happen to someone else).
(Rsoles, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:03, closed)

and learning is half the battle :D
I shall now walk down the local High Street and shout "GUNT!!!!" at every dobber who struts her mid-riff in public.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:07, closed)