Shit QOTWs.
And people coming onto /talk going 'LOL LOOK AT QOTW IT'S WELL WACKY AND STUFF!' when the link is perfectly available at the top of the page to not be clicked if we so choose.

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( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:12, 3 replies)

McDonalds
Oh, and whatever happened to the "6 steps" method of serving someone?

(It was 16yrs ago, so it may not be correct)
1. Greet the customer cordially.
2. Take order.
3. Upsell (is that a large fries?)
4.Suggestive sell (would you like an apple pie with that?
5. Assemble the order in the correct sequence.
cold drinks, hot drinks, burgers/sandwiches/, nuggets, donuts (sic), pies and finally fries because they go cold quickest. If being taken out, put in the paper bags and fold the top of the bag over twice, with the label facing the customer.
6. Then take the payment. Say "Thanks, enjoy your meal, bye" (not have a nice day).

Went in McD's last week, fries were getting cold before the burger was ready, bag was scrunched at the top and dumped in front of me.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:10, 1 reply)

Mrs Spimf
believes in the spirit world. (dont get me started)

she also believes in psychics, tarot cards and all that palaver.

she is a member of the 'edinburgh college of parapsychology' - or i as i refer to it 'Hogwarts'

every month the 'college' send out a newsletter to their members.

why?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:07, 2 replies)

McDonalds
The advent of the clamshell grills. I worked there from '90 - '92 and about 6mths after I left they fitted out these fabulous grills and lost for ever was the art of running a 12:6 turn-lay with just a team of two for hours on end.
They don't know they're born.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:02, Reply)

............................................________
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.........................,/...............................................”:,
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............./__.(.....“~-,_..............................,:`........../
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...........((.....*~_.......”=-._......“;,,./`..../”............../
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............(....`=-,,.......`........................(......;_,,-”
............/.`~,......`-...............................\....../\
.............\`~.*-,.....................................|,./.....\,__
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........................................_\..........._,-%.......`\
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( WHARRGARBL, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:02, 1 reply)

supermarkets again
Oh and another one, those people who abandon a trolley in the middle of the bastard aisle (usually at an obscure angle to cause extra blockage) then wander off to squint at the shelf for a while deciding on what jam to get and whether they actually want any jam anyway even though it's on their list.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:01, 5 replies)

supermarkets too
People who wander around supermakets at the same pace old people wander around seaside giftshops looking at sea-shell wind-charms and diecast London buses.

GET OUT THE FUCKING WAY!!

Some of them even have a shopping list so why the fuck they can't walk briskly to the next item on the list is beyond me.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 7 May 2008, 18:58, Reply)

iPhone
People who wave their iPhone about claiming it's really good. No it isn't. It's an iPod (which are very good) tacked onto a shit phone.

I'm getting a Viewty. The 120fps video capability will make home-made bukkake videos absolutely breathtaking.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 7 May 2008, 18:56, 3 replies)

There are only four things that peeve me.
Animals, Minerals, Vegetables and My Wife. The order has been changed to conserve my marriage.
(downhill without brakes . It was the worst day of my life, Wed 7 May 2008, 18:55, 2 replies)

takeaways
The constant tsunami of takeaway menus that flood through my letterbox day in day out until I cannot actually open my front door.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 7 May 2008, 18:53, 1 reply)

I've just been to the supermarket
Breeders whilst I agree that the obese little shits you have spawned should be running about, take them to a fucking park!(sorry park, don't take them dogging)

Fat people you can't say that I'm too thin and then start tutting when I'm trying to squeeze my self passed you to get some cake.
(DryGoldfish, Wed 7 May 2008, 18:48, Reply)

What gets my goat
is that cunting troll under the bridge, given half the chance anyway
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 7 May 2008, 18:40, Reply)

Road manners
If I wave someone through when parked cars are blocking half the road, or I let someone out of a junction, it doesn't hurt to give a little wave or a nod of thanks.

I did a survey over the last week and I found that 9 out of 10 male drivers (and all taxi-drivers and I mean all) were courteous and waved/nodded compared to 4 out of 10 women.

It seems that being female makes you an ungrateful motorist, if you're an older women even more so, and if you're in a 4x4 in an affluent neighbourhood then you tend to just force your way through regardless of whether I'm giving you right of way.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 7 May 2008, 18:30, 4 replies)

My beer belly
It's a mass of wobbly dimpled yuck, distinctly resembling several kilos of bread dough.
I go to the gym (sporadically).
I walk the dog (daily).
I saved up enough Boots advantage points to "buy" a Slendertone abdominal belt (still in its original packaging somewhere in the wardrobe).
I have neither the sense nor the inclination to reduce my beer intake.

I went for my first mammogram yesterday. Apart from doing a top-to-bottom picture, they also did one left-to-right. In order to achieve this, one has to insert one's boob into the scanner with the torso diagonal to the floor. By far the worst and most excrutiatingly embarassing part involved Belly. The nice radiographer lady only had one pair of hands. She needed one to keep my boob in exactly the right position, one to operate the nasty squeezy clamp thing...
Keeping my belly from slopping into the scanner's base required at least one more hand.
"Here, I'll hold it", I suggested.
"No dear, you can't. I need your left arm at this angle and your right one around that bit."
With the speed of a leopard, using her elbow she deftly achieved simultaneous positioning/clamping.

Oh, the shame.

Getting my tits out in front of three doctors, two nurses, one nice radiographer and another bloke who did the ultrasound scan was peanuts.
But this belly has to go the journey...
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 7 May 2008, 18:21, 6 replies)

People who play computer games for the graphics...
...and not the game itself. Utter utter cunts. These people would play games like "Rise of the Robots" and ignore games like "Gauntlet", would play King Kong but not "Deus Ex" and play any version of "Jurassic Park" over "Theme Park".

"Errr, that's a bit shit mate."
"Graphics are fantastic though..."
*walks away*

Also, people who buy Graphics Cards to play games on a resolution higher than a 10 Megapixel camera; the card being worth double that of the PC in which they place it in. Looks great once it loads, but takes yonks due to having an old 20gb FAT32 hard drive. But it plays Quake 3 wicked.

NB If you are a cunt who buys graphics card at a rate of knots then just remember that the average human brain can only process about 90-100 frames per second of information, any higher is not required. If you spend about £500 on some monolith of a card to get a game running quicker than that then you are literally pissing in the wind.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 7 May 2008, 18:04, 9 replies)

Bugbears
Fucking stupid term for stuff that annoys you. Cunts.
( redazril I LIKE DRUGS!, Wed 7 May 2008, 18:02, 1 reply)

Childbirth
Specifically, Women who consider childbirth the alpha and the omega of pain, and that a man, such as RPW, here, can't possibly understand pain in any way. My mother was one such woman, until I was about 18, and the severity of my condition was realised.

An ailment from which I suffer, occurs in 5 times as many men as women, and those female sufferers who have had children describe the pain of natural, anaesthetic-free childbirth as a walk in the park by comparison.

As well as the severity of this pain, here are other important comparisons:

(a) You chose your pain, despite plenty of warning that it will hurt a lot.

(b) Many of you even had to try quite hard to get yourselves in the appropriate state to experience this pain.

(c) Your pain happens maximally, for about a day about once every 10 months. After experiencing the first one, you can choose whether and when to suffer it again. My pain occurs in 3-4 weeks stints at least three times per year, every single year, from its onset when I was 14 until I eventually die (if I'm lucky, that is - 10% of us go on to develop the chronic version, where we have the joy of about 3 pain-free weeks per year). I understand that childbearing also has its discomforts, but I don't hear anyone describing the rest of the 9 months as agony.

(d) Your pain is easily relieved by happy-gas, and there are several pain-killing options readily and immediately available to you if that doesn't do the trick. There is no readily available relief for my pain, and the prophylactics all have dangerous side-effects, not just the tiny increase of a risk of cancer that some of the prophylactics for your condition have. You also have a choice of adverse-effect-free prophylaxis.

(e) The outward manifestation of your condition, causes people to coo, and generally fuss over you in a nice way. Mine makes me look like I have mental problems.

(f) You suffer some discomfort, and restless nights in the lead-up to you suffering this pain. For the 3-4 weeks when I'm suffering, I am awoken by the agony normally 3 times per night, and typically won't start sleeping until the last "daytime" pain goes away at about midnight.

(g) After your little bout of pain, you have a nice little trophy in the form of a baby. My prize is that I get to live like a normal person for 3 or 4 months, and then it starts again.
(Rastus P Watermelon, Wed 7 May 2008, 17:32, 12 replies)

Pet Peeves, eh?
One of my many pet peeves are illiterate dwarves.

They're not big and they're not clever.

I am really sorry
(Purple Jessop Jessoping Purple all over your father, Wed 7 May 2008, 17:18, 22 replies)

While I still have a chance to make a reply-
anyone- and this even goes for quite educated people - who asks you what music you like and when you tell them say 'oh, that's rubbish' because it's not what they listen to.

Prog Rock has sired some of the greatest musicians and influenced many of today's rock bands and explored the boundaries of new recording and production techniques. Yes, it has spawned some pretty unwieldy monstrosities but then what music style hasn't? It has also provided some of the longest running bands in musical history... Yes, Rush, Jethro Tull for example- and of course Neil Peart is the world's greatest living percuissionist and I don't think anyone's better behind the (rack of) keyboards than Rick Wakeman.

Heavy metal and hard rock also has some of the most musically talented virtuoso performers whose technical proficiency is spellbinding to observe- Joe Satriani, Steve Vai, Billy Sheehan, Paul Gilbert, John Sykes and many others.

Electronica- well, it's OK not to not like Jean Michel Jarre but you better well not say he's 'rubbish' unless you can play him off the stage. And there are redeeming features to a sizeable minority of dance music tracks although I don't have a stack of dancey music CDs.

Jazz- the grand-daddy of modern pop and rock music- Buddy Rich, Bill Bruford, Carmine Appice- the thinking drummers' percussionists.

I am constantly fed up with people slagging off my taste in music and then expressing surprise when I say I don't really like Stereophonics, Coldplay, Arctic Monkeys et cetera and I absolutely will not listen to Oasis. I don't call it rubbish, I just acknowledge that it's not to my taste and move on.

Oh, I've been brought up in a classical music household so have had classical blared at me for years and learned violin, piano, acoustic and electric guitar and bass and a smattering of trombone in my earlier years so I think I'm qualified to make the value judgements declared here :-)
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Wed 7 May 2008, 17:16, 10 replies)

I've just been to see my shrink
so I have Valium in my grubby little grasp and am therefore relatively (drug-induced) happy. However, leaflets in mental health institutions make me - appropriately I suppose - mad.

Example:

JUNE MENTAL HEALTH WORKSHOPS
Homeopathy one day workshop - how homeopathy can solve your physical and mental illnesses

What the cunting fuck? They're allowed to pin that to the wall in a mental health unit? Bad fucking science? Touted at vulnerable people? How am I supposed to trust the mental health professionals who allow make-believe stuff like that to be pinned to a noticeboard?

Yes. Water. Water with "memory". It'll cure ya - I saw it on the wall of a hospital.

*swallows more Valium*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 7 May 2008, 17:15, 26 replies)

Err...
BT. Bunch of Twunts.

They make my blood boil.
(toomanydecibels has bleeding ears on, Wed 7 May 2008, 17:13, Reply)

Mon Bison, I hate people hooked on 'Air Fresheners' that squirt a chemical soup out at regular intervals all day every day,
how is that 'freshening' my air? I'm breathing this shit in, and if I look at the little tank from whence this stuff is being constantly ejected it is apparently some kid of sticky chemical filled oil that presumably is now coating my lungs.

Some even have warnings that they may be harmful to small children, asthmatics and fish, yet they make them in the form of children's nightlights!

THROW THAT SHITE AWAY AND JUST CLEAN YOUR HOUSE!
( ..wil, Wed 7 May 2008, 17:10, 3 replies)

British Gas....
...or Buggering Gits as I like to call them.

We swopped to them about 20 months ago, lasted until we moved house. The cocked up every single bill from the start, and currently are still chasing me for a £250 gas bill for 3 months in the summer for a 1 bedroomed flat (we used a shower mainly too and the heating about 3 times during that period). We worked out with one of their agents that the initial gas reading was completely wrong, but somehow after that BG had managed to lose all records of that and are still pursuing me for the debt.

If they take it further then I'll happily rip through them in court :D I'm on a different provider now and have never had one issue. Utter fuckwits.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 7 May 2008, 17:07, Reply)

One of mine.
When people go *my haven't you grown*

I tend to want to turn around and say *oh dear, you've shrunk*


Just to balance it out.
(Looneytwuns, Wed 7 May 2008, 17:06, Reply)

Another one
I hate the cheap toilet air fresheners that we have at work.

One quick squirt of pine fresh and....nothing, the loo smells like I've just taken a foul smelling dump in a forest instead.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Wed 7 May 2008, 16:54, Reply)

Just for the UK
Yes, it's quite nice weather.

Not raining, nope not even a smidge of drizzle.

Are we all agreed that it's quite nice in a weathery way?

THEN WILL EVERY UNIMAGINATIVE TEDIOUS REPETITIVE GIT STOP GOING ON ABOUT IT. Please.

If I hear "it's lovely out there" or similar I think I may spotaneously combust.

Think of a new topic of conversation, pretty please.

And the same goes for the frigging media whores. While sunshine is a rarity in the UK, you do not need to donate column inches and minutes of inane drivel to the fact that it is sunny.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 7 May 2008, 16:48, 6 replies)

On the subject of "News"
our local rag brings you the main story of today.

Were they B3tans I wonder?

edinburghnews.scotsman.com/topstories/Couple-spotted-having-sex-in.4056453.jp

Laughing aside (and I was laughing) this was on the front page ... but without the culprits. News? Gossip, more like.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 7 May 2008, 16:45, 31 replies)

mistaspakkaman's big list of peeves and impotent rage
1. Coming back from a backpacking and hiking trip in the Ukraine and other eastern-European countries to find you lot have been having a massive 40-page QOTWfest. I've still got a day left to post but I just don't have time to read the other posts so if any of my peeves have been mentioned before, then tough please post a link to the relevant story.

2. Cynicism. It's rubbish (but a healthy dose of scepticism is OK).

3. Lack of imagination and originality. I could also add lack of intelligence, but then, I'd fall into the former category myself.

4. People who assume that creativity and originality is some form of mental disorder. Call it psychosis / insanity / Asperger's Syndrome or whatever the current trendy mental-disorder du jour is, but personally, I like calling it 'creativity' and 'originality'. Is there some kind of conspiracy going on to crush the creative spirit and turn us all into drones *looks out window* oh yes, there is.

5. People who assume that the way I am was not caused by my shyness.

6. People who tell me that I try too hard. Please STFU and let me get on with whatever I'm doing.

7. People who are scared of my enthusiasm. FFS! Stop being such a wuss!

8. People who complain that I'm not chilled out enough, thus un-chilling-out me even more. Gah!

9. People who think I'm on drugs whenever I do something original. Look, it's called "Creativity" my friend! Many people have asked me "What do you put in your cigarettes". The truth is that I've never even smoked any sort of cigarette ever.

10. Office workers who bad-mouth their colleagues behind their backs rather than confronting them (e.g. listening to someone whingeing at the pub after work).

11. Negative attitudes and people who spread messages of hopelessness (or at least people who, enforce it on other people). Yes, shit does happen, but try not to let it get to you. I've seen a company go down from the inside just because everyone felt hopeless and thus did not put their soul into their work (bear in mind that this is a creative media company, so negative attitudes are a sign of impending doom).

12. Cynicism. I mentioned it once, but I want to mention it again. An example: I used to practice a number of martial arts. This means that I get to meet women who practice the same martial art. Women who practice martial arts are often fit, which means I get to know a fair number of fit women. So anyway, one day down the pub after work, I arrive somewhat later than the others. One of these 'fit women'^(tm) is sitting at another table and says "Hi" to me without any prompting, and I say "Hi" back. My work-colleagues notice this, and ask how I could possibly get to know a woman that good looking. They even suggested that I had hired a prostitute to say "Hi" to me. It's a good thing I didn't invite her and her friend to join us because the collective cynicism of my (now thankfully former) work-colleagues would have driven her to such extreme measures as never saying "Hi" to me again. While it's true that my line of work is a geek-related, at least half the lads at my table were already in a full-time relationship.

13. Religious people who think their religion has the monopoly on positive thinking.

14. Non-religious people who fail to see the point of religions.

15. Religious people who fail to see the point of religions.

16. People who cannot get their heads round people with 'unorthodox' personalities.

17. People who still assume all computer-people are sad nerds with no life. That is so 1980s!

18. People who think that the only people on Internet dating sites are sad losers. Speaking from personal experience, this is not the case! Saying that the only people who use Internet dating sites are sad losers is like saying that the only people who smoke dope are black guys with dodgy haircuts.

19. Trendy diets. Don't you hate it whenever some trendy diet is announced and everyone flocks like lemmings to try it out (Atkins - I'm looking at you). You don't need a trendy diet - just get off your big fat ass and do some exercise.

20. This whole anti-fat culture. While I think it's a good thing to do some exercise and be fit, it is possible to be both fat and fit at the same time. Unfortunately, many girls want to grow up to look like that rubbish you get in magazines and often resort to unhealthy diets. If it's a big-boned lass, that's just not possible. While I have nothing against people who like ladies that look like 10-year-old boys (unless it's a suppressed form of paedophilia), I personally like a bit of meat on the bones. What I do have something against is people who deliberately like to lower the self-esteem of anyone who looks different from the norm. Incidentally, most of the people deciding what the current 'trends' in body-shape are going to be are fashion designers, who often happen to be gay men, which is why female supermodels often look like a gay man's fantasy.

21. People who don't take cycling into account when considering personal transport.

22. Lack of decent cycling facilities and the general assumption that people don't cycle.

23. People who insist on labelling people (Hippy, goth, cheerleader, chav, etc.)

24. Chavs etc. (yes, this does contradict my last point, but chavs are so rubbish they deserve their own label).

25. Selling yourself. Getting into the 'selling yourself' mentality really fucks my head.

26. Shops/supermarkets that give you your receipt with your change instead of your goods. This annoys me because I like to keep my wallet receipt-free without having to do extra fiddling at the checkout line.

27. Cynicism. I thought I’d mention this again.

28. People who make 'laddish' comments if I show them a photo (or tell them about) of a woman I met while out and about. Please don't take out your sexual fustration on my memories.

29. Snobs.

30. People who think I'm a snob.

31. The ridiculous pricing scheme of UK rail tickets. Nowadays, I'd rather be circumcised by woodpeckers than jump through all the hoops of buying the cheapest available train-ticket.

32. Pubs that insist on playing loud music. I go to pubs to socialise and talk to my friends. I don't like the idea of having to snog the ear of the person sitting next to me. If I wanted to get up and dance, I'd go to a nightclub.

33. Nightclubs that advertise 'oldies' nights as nights that play 80's and 90's music, but not even 70's music. STOP IT! You're making me feel old!

34. Websites that use 'click here'. 'Click here' is an abomination that assumes the user is using a graphical web-browser with a pointer-device.

35. The placement of the 'Caps-Lock' key above the shift key. Sometimes, I type in all-caps without realising it. Ideally, I'd like to swap my caps-lock key for my backspace key (which is completely knackered).

36. Cynicism

37. Cynicism.

38. Cynicism.

39. Cynicism.

40. Whingers.


_{There. That's that over with. I think I'll go have a wank.}
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 7 May 2008, 16:15, 10 replies)

Percentage abuse
It really annoys me when people say rubbish like "I gave it 110%".


You can't give it more than 100%. Fact.
( Barbarossa is not my real name, Wed 7 May 2008, 16:14, 9 replies)