ok that's it
i hate missing out on things. i always like to know everything.

so now my newest pettest peeve is not knowing what all the arguments and apologies on this qotw are about. what racist? what offence? what? why? who? how?!

and as i've had more than one gaz asking me if i know, i am not the only puzzled one.

somebody pls to explain?
( rachelswipe is loving the return of teh frank!, Thu 8 May 2008, 10:29, 13 replies)

is it just me...
...or has this weeks question caused more ranting, bickering, apologies, retractions repercussions and deletions than ANY other QOTW evah!

we have even flushed out swifty the sleeping racist - so it's been worth it.

so i think my pet peeve is QOTW questions designed *looks around conspiratorially* to fuck with our heads

*taps nose*

PS unclechuckles SORRY!!!! FFS S.O.R.R.Y! mkay?
( spimf is too dodgy for crackhouseceilidhband, Thu 8 May 2008, 10:27, Reply)

Small Message Fields
The small message field for typing posts on b3ta. WTF? Maybe its not such an issue for most, but I'm in the yellow circle club (over 40) and use ctrl+scroll wheel to increase the font size...

At a comfortable (for me) reading size, only the first paragraph of this crap post fits in the message field when actually typing the reply.
( Mime, Thu 8 May 2008, 10:14, 8 replies)

The Jesus Army
Or, as I call the, the God Squad.

I am a peaceful person, have nothing against other people's beliefs and I think that religeon when used properly is a great thing for those who have them. My mum's catholic, my dad's protestant and I'm pagan, quite a mix there really.

Anyway, the God Squad actually scare and worry me. Although they seem to be a harmless group of people (some of whom live next door and took my parking space last night, grrrrr) But the fact that they have organised themselfes into and 'Army' suggests they have something to violently fight against.

Sometimes I will see a group of three of them marching around town with their flag, other times they're cruising around in their minibus, but all of the time I'm wondering how Jesus gets to have an army when, for example, the "Islam Army" might get run out of town with pitchforks!

What are they fighting against? Its a constant worry and fear.

I don't understand.

On a similar strain, I have a small peeve with the Christian faith. As I said before I love people having their own views and truly enjoy discussing religeon with people, but I don't like the fact that I either can't tell people of my religeon or let it slip, I get horrified looks (my boss even made the cross gesture with her fingers) and people think I worship the devil

Reality check...

1) Satanists and Christians are BOTH Devil worshippers as well as God worshippers because you simply cannot put that much faith and respect into one without feeling the same for the other

2) There is no such thing as the Devil in Paganism, there is equal good and bad in everything

3) Christianity demonised Paganism many years ago making people believe that to be Pagan is to worship the Devil

4) Paganism is a lovely religeon (once I've been able to explain what it is to people most say that its one of the most beautiful religeons they've heard of)

why can people not open their minds?

My boss also asked me the other day "Does having piercings affect your brain or something?" she was talking about a lecturer who wass on her back about something who happened to have piercings and thought she's ask me this scarily genuine question because I have piercings too.
(Katzilla Is usually at work on, Thu 8 May 2008, 10:09, 14 replies)

Rich People Eating Poor People Food
Bizarre and suspect cuts of meat, eminently affordable by desperadoes such as myself and formerly of appeal only to owners of large neglected lurchers, suddenly being rocketed to popularity and unaffordability by some bored food pornographer. A tray of trotters or shins which would have once fed me for a week at minimal cost are now worth their weight in gold because of some trendy bitch's efforts to commodify what was once called "scran" and is now known as "comfort food".

Go root for some truffles and keep your manicured mitts off my offal.
(lonelybadger, Thu 8 May 2008, 10:09, Reply)

Overpriced Shite Flimsy Trendy Footwear
Havaianas.

I'm sorry, people. It doesn't matter if they've got a little rubber logo on them, or that you paid ten quid for them at some wanky boutique. They're flip-flops. They're Hong Kong Thongs. They're fine if you need them to walk on the beach or if you happen to be a porter at a Kowloon fishmarket, but for fuck's sake, no matter how you look at them or how you wear them, they ain't couture. They're vulgar, and they look like shee-it.

If you must be vulgar and look like shee-it, be honest about it and get a pair of seventies-style cheapies from the pound shop, and I'll have a lot more respect for you. Seeing the supposed sartorial saving grace of the word "Havaianas" emblazoned on your footwear makes me want to plant my size 8 #501 "Crazy Horse" textured leather Blundstone, procured by mail at some expense and effort from Sam Bear Disposals in Melbourne, firmly between your pertly clenched arsecheeks.
(lonelybadger, Thu 8 May 2008, 10:01, 2 replies)

Hayfever
I think I already mentioned this earlier in the week, but I would like to reiterate:

Hayfever sucks.

A lot.
(PenguinOfDeath has his bike back, wooyay!, Thu 8 May 2008, 10:00, 8 replies)

Fuel!
How cna the price of fuel have risen so much in a year?

What used to cost me about £130 a month, now costs me in the region of £200!

Now that is a pet peeve and I feel impotent against it.
(Fuckarma - needs a new job, know of one?, Thu 8 May 2008, 9:47, 6 replies)

Fishy-symbols on cars...
I was going to grumble, but then realised that these symbols act as a warning symbol.

Fishy-Sign = "look out, I'm a shit driver"
Fishy-sign on Volvo = "Look out, I'm a dangerously ignorant driver"

EDIT: PJM-inspired caveat: this does not apply to Bikers....
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed is happily supporting students down-under, Thu 8 May 2008, 9:38, 9 replies)

A very Humpty-family-only one..
My mum - bless her cotton socks - says "I-een" a lot.

Over the years of explanatory conversation the phrase "I mean" had become "I een" and is slipped into many little gaps in speach.

"I-een it's only another cup of coffee." etc.

Ever since my older brother pointed it out it has been bugging me.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed is happily supporting students down-under, Thu 8 May 2008, 9:36, Reply)

"I want to buy a laptop for about £500, what do you recommend?"
...

that you ask Mr. Google instead?
( emvee is being semi-productive - he produced a semi on, Thu 8 May 2008, 9:31, 1 reply)

When people say
"they turned around and said"..."then she turned around and said"..."so I turned around and said"
I've known a few people to say this phrase when retelling a conversation they had previously. But no-one does it worse than my friend Sarah. It makes me think that whenever she talks to people, they are all spinning around during the conversation.
(Mellicious A beautiful blend of love and high explosives..., Thu 8 May 2008, 9:23, 3 replies)

Self-righteousness, sanctimoniousness, preaching
People who try to be "right on" in a withering way, people who are really post-modern and witty in a reeelly dry and ironic way.

For example - The Smiths, Morrissey, and all of their singularly fucking studenty fans, vegefuckingtarians, Jarvis Cocker, et fucking al.

Grow a fucking spine instead of whining you pathetic little shits. Just because you can't fight doesn't mean you have to act like a fucking girl.

Hypocrites who make "ist" jokes and try to justify it by saying "I'm allowed to say that because I'm a Jew/black/woman/gay".

And I'm allowed to say all this because I'm a dyed-in-the-wool New Model Army fan, and their fans are all a bunch of self-righteous, sanctimonious, preachy generally vegetarian gits.
(A Vagabond loves your mum, Thu 8 May 2008, 8:59, 1 reply)

Self service checkouts.............
Supermarkets - I already pay enough for my shopping, so why should I save you the cost of employing someone to put it through the checkout? Also, why shut the two 'basket only' tills at the busiest times of day? No wonder I end up binge drinking on supermarket own label booze - it's all a cunning marketing ploy - bastards!

Seethe........
(wobbegong69, Thu 8 May 2008, 8:56, 2 replies)

Dad and Porn.
My mum's quite heavily disabled and there's no way she and my dad are ever going to "get it on" again... the pain would be too much for her.
A few years ago I realised this and introduced my dad to a couple of "safe" porn sites... he became a more chilled person, and was very grateful.

*Good.. no probs dad, don't mention it. No really - don't mention it*

*********

He kept his end of the bargain for a long time until recently... and this is my peeve. He's far too honest.

"Hey Humpty... have you ever seen "redtube.com"?
"Of Course I have Dad ... Why?"
"Well, I saw someone "Foot-Fucking" I mean - you know - a woman getting a *foot* stuffed inside herself. A whole FOOT!! .. and now I can't look at a woman without wondering if she enjoys having a foot inside her..."
:o/
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed is happily supporting students down-under, Thu 8 May 2008, 8:39, 5 replies)

Common phrases and Supermarket worries
1. "No offence, but...." is a nasty excuse to say something as hurtful as you like with (sometimes) the desire to cause huge offence. But it's ok though because I said no offence innit.

2. "Thing is" is often folllowed by a feeble excuse to get out of work/domestic chores. It doesn't make any sense to me this "Thing" abuse.

Ok enough nitpicking, now to tackle the supermarkets. Rhymes with Al fresco.
1. A few annoying checkout assistants took great offence to me placing my basket onto their conveyor belt. In fact they usually spurt out "There's a basket till at the end" and point sternly towards a 10 strong queue of people with baskets. Why would I intentionally waste my own time? As far as I'm aware it's not a legal requirement to have a basket at a basket till. It's not as if he gets to relax if he doesn't serve me.

2. Ranting about till regulations above reminded me of my days as a lonely checkout drone. One lady tried to go through my express till with a trolley load rather than the other monkey who had a conveyor belt etc. Also I pointed out my till was '10 items or less.' Her (genuine) response was "Does the computer only have the capacity for 10 items?"
Oh mercy.

3. Going into 24 hour stores after midnight I tend to find the shelf stackers look at you like you're some sort of freak for shopping at that time. Like they've seen a fucking ghost. YOU are the ones working mate!

4. The reduced section. Why do people just stop and stare at the items and not even move? Lord help us if people ever needed to ration again or if the major stores had a closing down sale. It would be chaos.
(muzzvsworld, Thu 8 May 2008, 5:45, 1 reply)

I don't get angry
But I sure do make a lot of people on this site angry. WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA!
(rizzivision, Thu 8 May 2008, 3:44, 1 reply)

Attention seeking slutbags
who post photos of themselves not wearing much on Facebook in order to get reams of "soooooo sexy" comments, boost their egos and otherwise fish for compliments. It's not big and it's not clever and it is not nice for those of us who have to look at your pasty thighs.

Especially when your other half is one of the ones who's commented and you spend half the night wanting to castrate him for being insensitive when you should be revising for an organised crime exam at 9.30 am that you know is going to cause you massive amounts of brainache and despair even if you hadn't seen that comment and suddenly become one of those irrational girlfriends you promised yourself you'd never become. ARGH KILL STAB.
( Maladicta is gainfully employed from the 4th, Thu 8 May 2008, 3:09, 2 replies)

my own lack of stealth
'what are you doing in the hedge?'

'-'

i couldnt be hiding from you. absolutely not.
(fakeplasticwateringcan, Thu 8 May 2008, 2:58, 1 reply)

The fucking Shiela's Wheels Advert.
Mostly the irritating song, and the fact that it's seemingly on every single fucking advert break during the day.
Not to mention the fact that it claims that women are the safest drivers.

Now, I'm not one to dispute over which gender is superior on the road. I'm completely indifferent over the matter.

But considering the fact that not only are the women in the adverts not keeping thier eyes on the road, but they're not even holding the fucking steering wheel either.

That's not very safe in my opinion, nor does it help to back up thier claims in any way.
(Martinus Prime, Thu 8 May 2008, 2:32, 4 replies)

PROOF
Doesn't happen very often, but reminded of it on the weekend...

Was at a party having my ear chewed off by some bloke going on about some booze he drank that was stronger than Vodka... the stuff was "sixty per cent - PROOF!"

Which would make it 30% ABV.

Saying "PROOF!" doesn't make you sound hard.

It makes you sound like a fucking moron.
(GroovyGranule, Thu 8 May 2008, 2:24, 1 reply)

people who are...
emotionally detached/distant. WTH/F are you thinking? Give me something to work with here!
(satellite blows, Thu 8 May 2008, 1:58, 2 replies)

you know what i am going to hate tomorow....
Staying up all night reading this feking stuff.

It's too bloody good. (especialy with a beer)

Anyway you lovely people i realy have to sleep (the umteenth time i have uttered this tonight)

have just realised i am going to have less than 4 hours sleep, am more than a little pissed. and should realy know better. take care

(will probably do the same tomorow)
(Patfish, Thu 8 May 2008, 1:55, Reply)

Conspiracy Theorists
It's a conspiracy I tell you.
( juanking ...and then it fell off, Thu 8 May 2008, 0:59, 3 replies)

Work stuff


1. People at work who are complete fucking hypocrites. I do get on with all of them, most of the time. It's just their insistance that male members of staff (about 90%) are perfectly entitled to badmouth whoever behind their backs, but if any female staff members, myself included, start or join in, it's bitching or stirring. *growl*

2. Customers who get their point across by screaming, throwing stuff, spitting, grabbing me etc. and think this might persuade me to do what they want. I know you're pissed off. I probably would be too. But explaining calmly what's wrong and letting me help you out would work miracles. You'd be surprised how the rules magically bend when you're nice to us. I really don't get paid enough to take your shit.

3. The fact that the 'We will not tollerate physical or verbal abuse of our staff' sign in my workplace has been replaced with an advert.

4. People who smoke and are therefore entitled to more breaks than the rest of us. If i get 15 minutes in a 6 hour shift, then a smoker will get maybe twice that. Fine, if they want to poison themselves, but i don't see why they should get rewarded for it.

5. Little twats on buses (or anywhere for that matter) who play godawful music through their phones.
(Mismatched, Thu 8 May 2008, 0:44, Reply)

'Restructuring'
Prompted by a reply posted on my thread below.

My organisation is currently undergoing a 'restructuring'. This is essentially an exercise in trimming the fat to make it more streamlined and better placed for next year when the North East moves to a system of being run by Unitary authorities - essentially, local councils will be scrapped and replaced by two super 'County Councils' that will fuck everything up even more spectacularly than the local ones did.

I've just re-written my job spec to make it more pertinent to the stuff I'm actually doing, and therefore (theoretically at any rate) give me a better chance of being placed into a position that will fulfil my professional strengths...

*engages in modest shoe scuffing and general bashfulness*

*and relax*

The meeting to discuss this took place on Tuesday, for which I was absent owing to having more pressing matters to attend to - like recovering from a hangover and taking Tourette's to the hospital - not necessarily in that order. Today, I've been swanning around in Middlesbrough and East Cleveland, so don't know the outcome of Tuesday's little session yet.

I could end up being posted to Durham, which is fine, but it will involve an overall commute of at least two hours there and back (more likely, three) - I've done similar before and it gets wearing. Or I could end up not having a job, which again is fine as I've got so many year's service I'll end up with a redundancy package that would come in very handy just now - I calculated about £55k.

Neither of those potential outcomes are pissing me off right now. No, what pisses me off is the organisation hiding behind the term 'restructuring', when really they mean 'we have to reduce the numbers so some of you will be made redundant. Sorry'.

In the 18 months that this has been going the word 'redundancy' has not been mentioned by HR once. It's been banned, for fear of upsetting the staff. Meanwhile, people that have almost become part of the furniture suddenly disappear with no warning and the first you know about it is when the announcement is made in the staff newsletter the following Friday.

I find this a bit annoying. But not quite as annoying as the fact that probably no one in senior management or HR will be affected by this. Or the fact that in 2006, we didn't get a cost of living pay rise, but the high-ups all got their bonuses.

Funny, that.
( Davros' Granddad Church of B3ta (QOTW denomination), Thu 8 May 2008, 0:37, 6 replies)

We interrupt this QOTW to bring you...
Heart-felt thanks for all the messages of support that have come the sweary one's way over the last couple of days. As we expected, there was nothing to worry about, but it's always best to be careful.

So thanks again to you all - you know who you are. Made me proud to be a b3tard, so it did.

*Sniff*

*Raises glass in salute*

Normal service shall be resumed tomorrow, hopefully when the question changes at a reasonable hour this time.

As you were people...
( Davros' Granddad Church of B3ta (QOTW denomination), Wed 7 May 2008, 23:51, 10 replies)

Children...
...who don't understand that those big metal things rolling around at high speed on roads would come off significantly better than a four-and-a-half foot snot-machine in a collision.

Your fucking bike isn't going to offer much protection either, sorry.

The little fanny-turd up the road from me who has a habit of swerving his BMX into oncoming traffic and then looking at the driver with a "Wot? I wanna drive on that bit of road mister" look on his inbred, porcine face nearly went under my wheels for the third time this week today.

I've given the fucker one more chance to learn about road-safety before I give him a cold, hard, metallic-silver, 30mph lesson in Darwinism.
(Dai Napoleon Who says that the King and I at discords be?, Wed 7 May 2008, 23:38, 7 replies)

Desperate Housewives
Possibly the most banal tv programme ever, after Loose Women.
It'd be almost bearable if they stopped with the fucking incidental music. It's like something rejected from a shite Disney Xmas film.
Either have the female cast naked or scrap the soundtrack and make a silent movie.
(Maudlin McCann spreading the word of Owstwick, Wed 7 May 2008, 23:37, 4 replies)