Pet SHOP peeves..

The complete fucktards I get coming in to the pet shop I work in. Examples include:

'The guy in the pet shop told me they only grow to the size of the tank they're in..'I swear, when I get hold of the 'guy in the pet shop'I'm going to kick him up the arse. He told you that to get you to buy it you moron. Can you think of any other animal which would do this? Does the queen have Elephant-sized corgi's in Buckingham palace? Do people in caravans have tiny guinea pig sized rottweilers? NO. The poor fish chokes to death on its own piss before it gets a chance to grow to adult size. If you did that to any other animal the SPCA would have you lynched.Buy a bigger tank /smaller fish you fuckwits.

'ooh look tortoises!'#1 No, it's a FUCKING TURTLE.Like the label says. Jesus H Christ what has become of the nation's basic general knowledge that people don't know that turtles live in water and tortoises live on dry land?

'ooh look tortoises'#2 'it's illegal to keep them you know' Riiiight. But we import them, look after them and SELL them in full view of the public, and DEFRA knows ALL about it.

'ooh look tortoises!'#3 'you can catch salmonella off them' IF you're in the habit of eating raw terrapins, then yes, I suppose you can. You're more likely to get it off a dog or cat or from not washing your hands, yes you who went and ate something after coming out the loo without washing your hands you filthy pikey.

Clownfish. If you've seen 'Finding Nemo' you'll know that Nemo is a clownfish. They are probably one of the cutest fish around. Everyone wants one. They are easy to keep too! Now, after spending 90-odd minutes watching some beautifully animated Pixar did it not occur to you that Nemo LIVES IN THE FUCKING SEA! SO WHY WOULD YOU BE ABLE TO PUT HIM IN A FUCKING GOLDFISH BOWL WITH NOTHING BUT SOME TAP WATER??? Really are people nowadays so ignorant that they don't know sea water is SALTY?

People who carry dogs about. WTF? why do you need to carry that rat on a leash around when it's perfectly able to walk on it's own? Oh, and don't try and sneak into my shop that has a sign saying 'NO Dogs'; that vile canine in your arms is still a fucking DOG! And big butch men walking aforesaid small dogs- you pussies! Your missus obviously nagged you to buy the little fucker; let her walk the little bastard!

customer:'My fish died I want a refund'
me: OK, do you have a receipt?
customer: No
me: OK, when did you buy it; I can check the Audit Roll (we have itemised till receipts)
customer: 3 weeks ago
me: Sorry, we only guarantee fish for 48 hours, subject to a satifactory water quality check. Its very clearly stated on the poster in the aquarium.Do you have the fish?
customer: I flushed it down the loo.
me: I'll check your water quality for you if you like then.
customer: I didn't bring any. Anyway, all my other fish are fine.
me: Right, so I'll just open the till and give you some money because the fish you have no proof you bought, that you have no proof EXISTED was in a tank of water that you have no proof was suitable for keeping said fish in and all the other fish you claim to have are 'allright'. Get to fuck.
customer: My sister works in Trading Standards.
me: Everyone's sister works in fucking Trading Standards. It's the UK's biggest employer by the looks of it. If you can't prove you bought something, and you can't even bring the fucking thing back you have no rights whatsoever. For fucks sakes, would you walk into Argos and say 'I bought a plasma t.v. last week and its broken I want a refund' without having either a receipt or proof you actually had a fucking telly in the first place? Get out of my shop.

'eeewww I can't stand rats' Now this is not a rant about folk with a phobia about rats. If you have a genuine phobia about anything then I will respect that. This is about those people who spend ages ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the 'hampsters' before they read the label that says 'rat'. See, you weren't scared of them up until you saw the word 'rat'. And anyway, how the fuck big do you think 'hampsters' are anyways? Jeeez!

And finally, well just for now anyway, I get several people every day with problems with their fish tank or pond. Now, everyone who buys a tank or pond or whatever leaves the shop with a big pile of leaflets and care sheets and information books and whatnot. Even a CD-ROM or two. So what do you do to avoid any potential problems with your pond/tank?
READ THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS!!!!!! Every day I waste hours on the phone or talking to people who could have saved themselves and me a whole lot of grief by READING THE GODDAMN BOOK!

aaand breathe....
(kilt101, Sat 3 May 2008, 20:58, 2 replies)

I'm guessing
skye from the aquatic rooms on leith walk

do i win some free live rock
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sun 4 May 2008, 2:15, closed)

reply
Hmm yeah, some fish shop owners are real dickheads. I once had a particularly moronic individual in Sowerby Bridge try to sell me a special Red Tail Black Shark that didn't have a red tail. That's because it's a Black Shark you numpty. They grow to 2 feet or so instead of 6 inches and are really nasty instead of being a bit territorial. Actually my pet peeve has to be shops that sell outsize catfish/cichlids/knifefish/tinfoils/whatever and don't make sure the customer can house the beast, just goes for the sale. I do keep a breeding pair of Red Terrors in a suitably large tank by the way, but I'm probably in a minority of fishkeepers here.
(hypostomus, Mon 5 May 2008, 19:26, closed)