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This is a question Performance

Have you ever - voluntarily or otherwise - appeared in front of an audience? How badly did it go?

(, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 9:26)
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And with a swing of her hips... (pearoast)
Every year the one-horse town in which I was raised has a carnival week that culminates in a hugely popular float parade on the Friday evening. As a shy (honestly), quiet (I've changed over the years) 18 year old fresh from her first year at Uni I went home to help out with painting a trailer or two. While doing so, people kept buying me very large gins. This pleased me. I was obviously doing a great job. A few hours later as I drunkenly slapped some emulsion on some hardboard, I was approached by the float coordinator- would I wear bikini and a grass skirt and dance my way behind the float? Seven gins said of course I fecking would, though I'd never worn a bikini in my life before, so self-conscious and shy was I. It was hardly the weather for it either- a Norn Ireland fishing village in June tends to be differentiated from the Arctic only because the Artic isn't as damp.

Fake tan - which was actually a Bisto and water paste - was duly applied, a bikini was borrowed, and I was handed a sellotaped bit of shredded brown paper which represented my grass skirt, and at 7pm the parade set off. We'd gone half a mile when, in a particularly energetic bout of hula-ing, my grass skirt fell off in front of 2000 spectators. I couldn't even pretend that no one had noticed - it made the local paper.
(, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 10:57, closed)
but
were you the best stripper in town?
(, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 14:59, closed)
Nope, I was beaten to that title by a 55 year old man with a beer belly who was also in a grass skirt and bikini.

(, Fri 19 Aug 2011, 16:36, closed)
Surprised no-one has requested POIDH yet.

(, Sat 20 Aug 2011, 23:42, closed)

I'm more suprised that no one has made a comment about someone actually referring to a Chris de Burgh song on here
(, Thu 25 Aug 2011, 12:48, closed)

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