Stephen Hawking you ain't
I was an undergraduate, giving a talk at another college on observations I'd done on X-ray binary stars. This was the first time I'd ever spoken to an audience outside of class, of people I already knew, and my social anxiety was kicking in big time. I hadn't slept at all the night before, and by the time my advisor and I drove into the parking lot, I was running on fumes and sheer terror.

Other students presented their talks. I applauded politely, not listening to a word. It seemed the others had invested in arcane presentation aids like "slides" and "posters". I had planned to do it the old-fashioned way, just talking and occasionally waving my arm to emphasize what I was saying. If a chalkboard were available, I would draw on that.

There was no chalkboard.

My turn. I stumbled up to the stage, and proceeded to give the worst presentation on chromospherically-active binary stars in the history of astronomy. Anxiety tightened my vocal cords, driving my voice into dog-hearing range. As I was immensely fat at the time, the audience must have wondered why my college had hired a eunuch to present the material. I sweated through my clothes in seconds, leaving dark patches like a fake Shroud of Turin across my shirt. Every other word was jumbled or stumbled over, and I could only console myself with the thought that the row of professors in the back were too old to hear my high-pitched squeak.

To focus myself, I looked around for a friendly face, and found something like it to one side. She was a fellow undergraduate, slumped in a wheelchair and hanging on my every word. I started to direct my presentation to her, glancing over every time I lost my nerve. This didn't seem to please her. After a few minutes, she whispered to her friend, who rolled her out of the lecture hall--and I realized that she had thought I was staring at her because of her disability.

Well, that killed me. I muttered my conclusion and was treated to a round of--well, I couldn't even call it a golf clap. It was the sort of reception an artist at the Royal Variety Performance might have received for dropping his trousers onstage and farting God Save the Queen--no lack of sentiment, but a horrific misjudgement of presentation.

I can't even remember what my advisor said to me on the way back, but it sure as hell wasn't "don't worry, we've all been there". As far as I can tell, no one's ever been there.
( thwart is just not feeling it with you, Sat 20 Aug 2011, 15:53, 13 replies)

In the words of another famous physicist though, *
Things... can only get BETTER!!

* Well, he did keyboard and danced a bit.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 20 Aug 2011, 16:05, closed)

good point
This was twenty years ago, though. If the karmic wheel is still turning, I think it might need a little grease.
( thwart is just not feeling it with you, Sat 20 Aug 2011, 16:11, closed)

this is fantastic

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 20 Aug 2011, 18:00, closed)

thanks!

( thwart is just not feeling it with you, Sat 20 Aug 2011, 19:39, closed)

Oh I have been there
Not on that scale but I have been there and it's not nice
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 20 Aug 2011, 19:18, closed)

I don't doubt it
but you can imagine how the ride home felt. MY LIFE IS OVER et ad nauseum...
( thwart is just not feeling it with you, Sat 20 Aug 2011, 19:40, closed)

Oh pfft!
Humiliation is character-forming. You're a better man for making a plonker of yourself. Everyone does it, no matter what they say. The great thing is acknowledging it, and eventually having a laugh at your own expense. Once you can do that, nobody can belittle you.

I know this because I'm 53 next week and have shown myself up more times than you've had hot dinners, and I don't give a stuff!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 20 Aug 2011, 20:43, closed)

you are wise
and I'm enjoying my plonker!
( thwart is just not feeling it with you, Sat 20 Aug 2011, 21:08, closed)

and if it's anything like the departments I've worked in no one would have cared in the slightest. They'd have just written you off as a typical undergrad. No one expects undergrads to be any good at that kind of thing anyway.
(xanthine, Sun 21 Aug 2011, 12:31, closed)

Oh, certainly.
Ultimately, I still got into graduate school--though what I did there is another story.
( thwart is just not feeling it with you, Sun 21 Aug 2011, 17:21, closed)

perhaps not quite that bad
but I know the feeling of giving a presentation and realising that it's going so poorly that I want to just run away and hide.

Only you can't just stop and walk out, you have to keep to going. You don't want to be there, the audience doesn't want to be there, your advisers are cringing in shame, your mother* is up the back beaming because she lives in a permanent state of denial... and you have no choice but to keep going. And then when it's all over you have to stand there like an idiot while the chairperson asks if there's any questions. And even when that's over with you have to politely sit through the other talks rather than run away and hide. And _then_ you're forced to stand around politely through a 'networking' session (pizza and bad wine)
while people tell you how 'brave' you were.

Like a bloody 5 year old. How does any adult honestly believe that _anyone_ wants to be called "brave" in such a situation?! It would actually be less painful to just tell them they sucked.
*this only happened once, it was a public event. I never ever let it happen again.
(xanthine, Sun 21 Aug 2011, 12:29, closed)

heh!
You're right, of course. "Brave" is for soldiers, nurses, and firefighters.

I'd forgotten about the Q&A period, however, mostly because there wasn't a single question. Ack! I have to admit, though, I had more fun writing this experience up than I should have.
( thwart is just not feeling it with you, Sun 21 Aug 2011, 17:20, closed)

See, you're halfway there.
You're starting to look back on it as something that happened back then, when you weren't as cool and experienced as you are now.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:37, closed)