The Tale of Martina and The Girl Who's Name I Can't Remember...
Some time ago, about 2 years, fed up with my job and being single, I took on a job at W H Smith. My duties involved turning up at 6 am every Saturday morning, pulling in the extremely heavy stacks of wet, October newspapers, laying them all out on the floor in order and then inserting the Saturday suppliments and stacking them up beside me. You'd think the newspaper companies would have a machine which could do that, but no, muggins here did it.

So, with the newspapers done, the shop would open at 9 am and I'd do the tills for more hours till 11 o'clock. The sheer number of Daily Mail readers who'd come into the shop at in those 2 hours was immense. The Daily Mail, by the way, was the only Saturday newspaper which came with it's suppliments with it, with everything contained in a plastic bag. The barcode on the bag, however, was unrecognisable to the machine, so we'd have to pull it to one side and scan the one beneath. While doing ALL this, I'd have to try and sell customers Lindt Chocolate Shells. It REALLY wasn't worth the money.

The ONE saving grace of this nonsense was the change-over at 11 o'clock. Not only could I leave, but the girl I changed over with was a STUNNING Chinese girl (who's name I can't remember) and who I'd do my best to flirt with as 50+ customers piled up in the queue, waiting for their Daily Mail.

After 5 weeks, I'd had enough. I decided that at the end of the shift, I'd go upstairs to my boss, hand him back my badge and locker key, give my number to the Chinese girl (who's name I can't remember) and leave forever.

All did not go to plan. For a start, my boss and the store manager picked THAT day to get sacked for embezzlement, having stolen in excess of £5,000 from the safe...each. So there was noone to hand my badge to at the end of the shift. Fine, I'd quit to the next in command, all was fine, it was gonna be okay.

After half an hour of suppliment filing, a call came through, the Chinese girl (who's name I can't remember) would not be in today. Shite. What to do, what to do...?

A few hours later, a solution presented itself. How I could quit and have a bash at pulling in the same day. The blonde girl with the big tits who worked on the till next to me needed me to sign off a reciept for me at the same time I needed her to sign one off for me. "People will think we're exchanging numbers..." she said with a flirty look. "Sorted" thinks I "I'll give her my number then."

So, I've quit and on the rush of adrenaline from that, I hand my number over... Now concludes Part One, in Which MeekMan Pulls...

Part Two, in Which MeekMan Tries To Get Dumped.

Good fucking GOD she was stupid. As dense as a dogstar, I couldn't bare another phone call with this girl (who's name I can't remember). Each phone call cost me £8 and lasted at least 40 dull, boring, mostly-silent minutes. So, I need an idea, I call my mate Martin and go to the pub.

The plan hatches. Martin takes on the character "Martina" my "current girlfriend" who'll "suckerpunch any bitch who tries to steal her man". Fourteen texts from Martina and blonde girl (who's name I can't remember) is FINALLY backing off, still asking if "she did something wrong" or "got the wrong end of the stick when I gave her my number". As much as I wanted to say "leave me alone, go away now please you dull dull dull DULL tedious bitch, everytime you speak to me I become a little bit dumber myself, go away". She was gone...for a bit. Then she called me right in the middle of Pulp Fiction. BIIIIG MISTAKE.

I let her have it. Proper. She was in no doubt as to the situation after that. Trust me. Oh yes.


Apologies for length, but it's the only time I've ever dumped anyone XD
( MeekMan Trying to reinvent the toaster since, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:52, closed)

Was it
the Chinese girl or the blonde with the big tits?

It's not quite clear, as you can't remember either of their names!
( K2k6 is working with a bottle of purest yellow, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 14:57, closed)

During Pulp Fiction
did you "strike her down with great rage AND FURIOUS ANGER"?
( Colonel Dracula Is not as think as you drunk I am, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:06, closed)

It was
the blonde one I was trying to get shot of. Trust me, the Chinese one was so fit she couldv'e told me black was white and I wouldnt have minded.

Pulp Fiction was a definite influence on my phone manner, yes...
( MeekMan Trying to reinvent the toaster since, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 15:07, closed)

Should have made a pass at the Chinese one instead.

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 11 Jun 2008, 0:11, closed)