The PoliceSitting in my local pub late one night enjoying the landlord's flexible idea of what constitutes his licencing hours, a bunch of drunk blokes in raincoats burst in. Requesting to be served, one shouted at the barman "It's alright - we're not coppers!"
They were spitting images of Lt. Columbo to a man. The barman laughed them out of the pub.
(
chthonic, Thu 22 Sep 2005, 10:12)
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Lengthy, sorryActually, no. I'll cut it down.
Acquaintance of mine. I'll not say 'friend' because that would mark me as a liar. Used to piss me off no end. Always used to say he 'hated the pigs'. So it was a surprise when he said he was going to join them, and then he could live his life properly (it being his first ever proper job, the parent-draining vampire, that he was).
So. This 'chum' started to go through the full entrance-exam-test-interview scenario - and all this time, he used to say 'I just need to get fit if I'm going to join the pigs' - thinking, as he was, that the final physical exam would be the clincher. "NO" we cried, wanting him to join the police and get out of our lives, "you need to get a job, do voluntary work or join the specials, they'll laugh at you if your only experience is cataloguing your extensive manga collection" "Oh no," said he, knowing better than the likes of us, with jobs and the like, "Oh no... The real pigs hate the specials"
Anyhow. Surprisingly enough, over the course of what? A year? He managed to get through all of the home-visits, exams (god alone knows how) and background checks - and the physical exam - for which, admirably, he had been preparing day and night - loomed.
Suddenly, the poor 'mug' fell ill with a severe viral infection that laid him low for a month. All of his good works ruined. So much so that weedy old me deposited him in the hedge for the first time in my life. And it looked like his physical exam was a bridge too far.
But.
Wonder of wonders, he passed.
And then, all that was left was the final interview with some senior policeman. Due in about a month or so. So again, feeling charitable we cried "you need to get a job, do voluntary work or join the specials, they'll laugh at you if your only experience is cataloguing your extensive manga collection" and again he poo-pooed us "Oh no. The real pigs hate the specials."
And the day dawned of his interview. Kindly we briefed him on interview techniques.
He emerged, blinking from the meeting...
"What happened?" We demanded...
"Oh, they asked what I'd been doing for the last six months. I said I'd been getting fit.."
"And?"
"Then they asked why I hadn't joined the specials. I said that the real police don't like them."
He didn't get the job.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2005, 2:36, Reply)
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