Every word....true.
Last night, following a 15 hour, Tequila binge-drinking session, I met Kylie Minogue in Spearmint Rhino where she was with a lesbian girlfriend.

After flirting with them for a few minutes, I took them both back to a hotel, 5***** naturally, and we had a threesome in the steam room until they begged me to stop. I then took massive drugs and nailed Kylie again in the Presidential Suite for another seven hours.

I got bored after she'd fainted for the third time, so I went out, off my face, and stole a Bugatti Veyron from the hotel car park. Whilst trying to confirm its top speed, I lost control (It doesn't handle as well as my Accord), and crashed it through the window of a Rolex jewellers.

Before legging it, I grabbed a selection of items from the wrecked display cases. I thought I should make a quick getaway seeing as I was probably in the wrong so I hijacked a taxi, holding the driver at gun-point (I always carry a firearm on a night out, on the off-chance I may bump into Michael Winner), and instructed him to take me to the airport.

Once there, I climbed over the fence and ran across the runway. Luckily, the airforce had been performing a display earlier in the day, and somebody had left a helicopter gun-ship unattended with the keys in the ignition so I made my getaway.

I landed on my private island around 4pm this afternoon. An hour or so later, the police smashed down my door and arrested me. Luckily, as a police inspector I have certain 'privileges' so they let me go.

Tonight I'll probably stay in and watch the complete first series of 'Two Point Four Children' on dvd.

I may have a cheese omelette for my supper.

With a milky tea.
(Mao's stepson is doing his bit for East/West relation's, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:13, 7 replies)

killing + Winner + winning?

Probably wrong QOTW

I like your attention to detail however - ah 2.4 children...
( elgordo, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:45, closed)

milky tea?
You sick bastard.
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Fri 6 May 2011, 10:55, closed)

You realise
that that's a 25 star hotel!?
(greatoldone Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl f'tagn, Fri 6 May 2011, 11:10, closed)

This might be a bit late
but I have never actually seen the original massive drugs and honda accord post, does anyone know where it is? I visited b3ta one day and everyone was talking about it, a bit like:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=icTrzUuWlHI&feature=related
(Lord of Marzipan Fact: Clouds are worse than Hitler, Fri 6 May 2011, 11:30, closed)

The Honda Accord post
was deleted by the writer, but AB has reconstructed it in his Archive. The Massive Drugs thing, I think, was simply a generic pisstake of, erm, posts about having taken massive amounts of drugs.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 6 May 2011, 13:20, closed)

Run away with me and I'll give you a brood of lovely bumbabies.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 6 May 2011, 11:33, closed)

milky tea?
you fucking wimp! tea should be the colour of a housebrick, brewed in a welder's boot, with 3 sugars in it.
be told.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 6 May 2011, 19:40, closed)