I’m feeling a bit sensitive - so I’ve had it with you lot...
I’m off to (insert country name here) where I intend to be a minority, yet insist that their whole constitution changes to accommodate ME!. Wherever I go…I want Christmas Lights up and whatever the weather, I want nobody to laugh at me if I wear a Santa costume.

I also demand they build me a church with their taxpayer’s money (whether I decide to go or not). I will be incredibly offended if anybody mentions the religion of their own country in my presence. In fact, as well as the church, I would like a traditional English pub to be built, draped in flags with football on the big screen and government subsidised beer (despite the alcohol laws of the country I choose).

I insist that whatever school my kids go to, they must have at least a weekly portion of fish and chips – regardless of whether their school friends like it. Come to think of it, I want the entire school curriculum be altered to include English Language, English History and English Religious studies.

I will meanwhile walk straight into whichever top-flight job I choose, because I will be the only white, English, 30-something, able-bodied male there…and I’ll pull the ‘Caucasian card’ if I have to. Woe betide anybody who spots my incompetence at my job – they’ll be out of there like shit through a goose.

Whatever country I go to, I will spend my weekends holding placards in the city centre slagging my new home off, and inciting the English to rise up and suicide bomb the shit out of the place.

In order to find the city centre, every road sign has to be taken down and replaced by one that explains directions in the Queen’s English…preferably on the backdrop of the St Georges flag.

Of course, when it comes to policing, the health service and government benefits. I still expect to be first in the queue…in fact, I want my own queue, and with my own public-funded translator…because they don’t speak English where I’m going.

Every single person in my presence must tread on metaphorical eggshells in conversation to me, and shit their pants at the prospect of accidentally calling reference to beer drinking, Yorkshire pudding, Shakespeare, pale skin or Coventry City Football Club (Well I might let the last one pass…they are shit after all)

So that’s not too much to ask is it? Surely it’s the same all over the world as it is here……..isn’t it?

I’ll start packing…
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 22 Nov 2007, 15:51, 33 replies)

A great book about racial tolerance to show the kids is
"The day I shot a thousand fuzzy-wuzzies" by Rudyard Kipling.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 15:57, closed)

lol
*nods*
*mutters*
*resumes reading Daily Mail*
*makes mental note to join BNP*
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 15:59, closed)

Is right...
...my post here was different, but it got too long and even I couldn't be arsed reading it.

Suffice to say, well said thar ;)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 16:02, closed)

.
saying what an awful lot of people are thinking
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 22 Nov 2007, 16:04, closed)

To be honest guys...
I was waiting for a backlash and a mass hit of the 'ignore' button.

I apologise to all who understood that the nature of my post is NOT born of racism. I truly am a twat (again) to so wrongly underestimate the cultural intelligence and social awareness of my fellow B3tards.

*salutes*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 22 Nov 2007, 16:07, closed)

@Thatbloke...
"If you want to live in another country, you learn the language, learn the customs and try to fit in..."

Why? You'll probably not flourish if you don't, I'll admit - but that's your problem, isn't it? Why go further than is necessary to secure your minimally-acceptable welfare?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 16:09, closed)

Pullitzer Prize
Well done
( BadBadman saw an incorrect comma placement on, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 16:22, closed)

Reminds me of
that girl who was caught smuggling heroin or whatever it was in Singapore, and was bleating about being sentenced to death.

Well tough shit. That's the way they do it in Singapore. It's their country. They don't have a crime problem.

I don't necessarily agree with all of their laws, but I have to respect them when I'm there.

Good on you to have the courage to write this, Pooflake.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 16:28, closed)

ugh
You racist piece of crap
( Blazemore Last seen on, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 16:37, closed)

you, sir,
are a legend.
(notjustahatrack peeling a sausage..., Thu 22 Nov 2007, 16:50, closed)

Blazemore...
I checked your profile...You post bugger all on the QOTW for over 2 years yet you are compelled to reply to my post?

I don't know whether to be proud, or tell you to get your thumb out of your arse and read the post again...this time trying to understand the context in which it is written.

Surely you are an advocate of free speech?

(Sounds like you and Prince would get on swimmingly)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 22 Nov 2007, 16:55, closed)

The only problem I have
with what you've said is this.

I know that people come here and be unreasonable in their expectations of what we should do for them. I know that they do not necessarily appreciate the good things that they get when they come to the UK.

BUT

One of the things that the UK is really good at is tolerance and accepting other people. Just because they come here and be unpleasant grasping system buggering cunts doesn't mean that we should give up our strong values...

And actually, I'm pretty sure that what you have described in your post is most of Southern Spain, a good chunk of France and the a fair bit of Australia :p
(faragher dub, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 17:06, closed)

Hats Off
Pooflake,

you have made a perfectly fair translation of the PC situation in the UK to another country - I salute you and am more than happy to post this in support of your (in my opinion) very fair question.

Stoned Quintuplets (high 5)!
(TAZ220 Not giving a toss since, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 17:08, closed)

...
Regardless of whether I am a darkie or not (I am!) I do have to tip my hat a little to Mr Pooflake. Of course there is a little exaggeration (I hope!) But, fuck me... even I have had a few of those thoughts. My folks came over to the UK a good 30+ years ago and have worked their fucking bollocks off, and it drives them mental to see some of this stuff happen to.

*head back into lurkdom*
(LadyTramp79 Left a bit, right a bit..., Thu 22 Nov 2007, 17:13, closed)

Your post might not be born of racism
but IMO its born of ignorance.

Strangely enough, the situation you have just described is not what immigrants want. I don't know every immigrant of course, but every person I have met from another country, of another race or of another religion seems to be pretty happy adapting to Britain.

When the Mail says "NOW DARKIES WANT OUR KIDS TO LEARN DARKIE-SPEAK" guess what- its a major bloody over exaggeration.

So yes, it would be aweful if all the immigrants were like that- but theyre not- the vast vast vast majority are the same as us- they want a normal life where theyre free to do what they like (within reason.)

so in summary, your post is bollocks.
( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 19:03, closed)

hats off mate
you have summed it up. i would say something along the lines of "amen to that" but i wouldn't wanna piss off the various races around the world now would I?
(Ketzer, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 20:38, closed)

KernKraft
Now…I'm not going to answer every reply from people that have their panties in a knot regarding my light hearted attempt at humorously combining every immigrant-related stereotype I could think of, into a collective single incident for the purposes of the QOTW.

I am glad you have not met a single person from another country who has been guilty of the things I listed above. Unfortunately I have, and as you can tell from some of the posts on this QOTW, so have many others.

However…I’m just a normal bloke who happens to write posts on B3ta – normally at his own expense. I don’t go around in a white hood and robes…I abhor racism in all respects. Racism is born of fear…fear of difference…I don’t see the point. So let’s get real here – This is a post about political correctness on a (normally) fun site. I’m not in Covent Garden inciting racial hatred

So I ask you who is being ignorant here? You haven’t seen it with your own eyes so it doesn’t happen? We are both merely commenting based on the facts that have presented themselves before us. You, however felt the need to speak for the ‘vast vast vast majority’. I didn’t. I thought I’d take the piss out of the minority that serves to take advantage and ruin our society for the ‘vast vast vast majority’

I’m not prepared to go into how I may or may not be affected by what goes on, I really can’t be arsed, I don’t read the Mail and It’s not for me to say. What makes us essentially British is our sense of humour, our tolerance (as mentioned by faragher (and lol for the Southern Spain line btw)), the way we embrace and welcome all cultures, but most of all the fact that WE WILL NOT BE FUCKED WITH.

Anyhoo, thanks for the ‘bollocks’ comment…it really added weight to your argument.

So in summary , this is a free country. Please feel free to push the ‘Ignore’ button if you can’t take my style of posts. I can rest assured that there are many B3tans out there who understand where I'm coming from and lack of malice in my intentions

To quote another misunderstood man who has recently become pilloried onB3ta when he’s never done anyone any harm…

Cheers
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 22 Nov 2007, 21:28, closed)

I don't accuse you of racism
and your post isn't the same as telling every kid that comes into a mosque to go blow up a bus.

I'm just saying that the minority of people that do try and force their way of life upon british people are not the people that make the policies- your post implies that what they say gets done, whereas it doesn't, so rather than the Government being the ones being blamed for "PC gone mad" (something that I believe is an untrue statement- but lets not go into that) the immigrants themselves get blamed.

Unfortunately people are grouped together and the one immigrant with stupid ideas becomes the archetype.



What Im saying is- by blaming immigrants themselves, and not the government (who make policies) you start on a slippery slope towards just blaming immigrants in general- and although you, and most boarders, will be smart enough to realise there is a difference- most people wont.
( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 21:43, closed)

Christly fuck....
Well said sir. I'm getting that entire post tattoed onto my fat Welsh arse. Can I come to live in Pooflakeville?
(davemission Drinking too much for a change again as usual., Thu 22 Nov 2007, 21:45, closed)

I half-agree with KernKraft
The point is that many of these policies are actually introduced by politicians terrified of offending anybody- it is hardly the case that immigrants themselves change these rules as your post implies.

In fact, your post is a massive strawman, mixing and matching different problems with immigration. For example, the part about blowing people up is obviously a reference to muslim extremists - most of whom are completely home-grown, and are 2nd generation or more. Indeed, there are cases where they have been converts to Islam. You also talk about road signs having their language changed... Complete fiction with no basis in reality.

And when has anyone ever been forced to learn a language at school that wasn't a European language? Your post in general smacks of reactionary rhetoric, and the very fact you pointedly defend your right to free speech it then imply that one should click ignore rather than address what you have said is extremely hypocritical.

I can see how you would get angry if you met someone from another country with these opinions, but you seem to be taking it as a general representation of all immigrants.
(jizzools, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 0:48, closed)

I know plenty of 1st and 2nd generation immigrants
and none of this applies to any of them.
( Zuowan, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 5:50, closed)

A lot of people seem to be grumbling...
and, sure as eggs is eggs, I'm not one of them.

You've managed to Echo the prevailing trend here in the largest city in the south of Sweden. We have the exact same thing. The Swedish government falling over itself to please people who - in a lot of cases - give nothing back to the community, and Swedes being Swedes don't like to draw attention to it: that would be Non PC.

Agreed: It's not "all" immigrants, but as Pooflake CLEARLY says, this is based on HIS personal experience, and Whether you know people who don't adhere to this stereotype or not is entirely irrelevant.

Just because you've not experienced something yourself, It is not proof that it doesn't happen.

*click*
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 23 Nov 2007, 7:09, closed)

"light hearted attempt at humorously combining every immigrant-related stereotype I could think of, into a collective single incident"
Ah the Bernard Manning school of humour.

It can't be racist - it's a joke!
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 11:17, closed)

Woo Yay etc
Nice one M'boy! I'll be putting that one in the Christmas newsletter!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 11:45, closed)

Right, I’ve got to stop biting to these responses!
Blimey Charlie, I’m loving the fact that what started out as a pretty standard controversial B3ta post has raised such discussion, with open forum and many alternating viewpoints.

Here’s the thing though…I’m not REALLY going to leave Britain and I’m not REALLY going to do any of the things in the post. As you and KernKraft have pointed out…I have IMPLIED things – using artisitic licence in the spirit of B3ta. .I can quite confidently predict that there will NOT be riots up and down the country as a result of my post. I’m used to people not giving a flying fuck to what I say and do.

Where I live there are at least two schools that have Hindi and Urdu on the curriculum…but as far as I can tell, nobody in this country has ever been ‘forced’ to learn anything. Ever.

I thought about the road signs thing when I remembered Welsh / English road signs and then thought that would be a good thing to put in. No factual evidence whatsoever. It just seemed to fit. It.was.a.joke. Maybe not Bernard Manning-esque…but a joke all the same. I’m not trying to seek refuge from my comments under the cover of comedy though. Call me a bluff old cynic, but I have a fair feeling quite a few posts on B3ta over the years have been based on made up stuff to get a laugh?

I don’t deny that ‘many of these policies are actually introduced by politicians terrified of offending anybody’. But does the offence or threat of offence have to start somewhere to prompt the reaction?

However…Hypocritical? I defend my (and your) right to free speech – true. I state that this is a free country and people can click ‘ignore’ if they want – true. What’s ‘extremely hypocritical’ about that? If you don’t like it you can click ‘ignore’ or post a reply?

But on the subject of hypocritical…You mention how I ‘imply’ things, and then go and imply things yourself. ‘most of whom’? – do you know all (or any) Muslim extremists? Bloody hell I hope not. You ‘implied’ that I was ‘angry’ – I’m not. I don’t get angry, I post things on B3ta. A site famous for it’s outspoken views, where everybody can say what they like. As long as it’s not about Prince. (fuck – did it again)

And for the record, I don’t think Prince is a cunt because he’s black. I think he’s a cunt because…well basically…he’s a cunt.

What cracks me up most is that nobody has spoken on my line about Coventry City Football Club being shit! But then that’s not such a ‘hot’ topic is it?

Anyhoo, I’m off home in a minute so you can reply what you like without getting an essay back…I’m doing a gig tonight in a pub run by three midget Indian blokes (really True! - They’re fucking top blokes as it goes and we always share a few pints post gig. I’m hoping to play New Year’s Eve there.)

Oh, and when I say ‘do a gig’ – I mean I sing and play guitar…not do some kind of hideous Jim Davidson (who is also a proper cunt) ‘nic-nic’ comedy gig….And yes, I do play songs by black artists…and women…and homosexuals. Music effortlessly unites cultures and sexual preferences in a way that all the PC wank in the world could never do. My only musical requirement is if it’s any good, then I’ll do my best to do a pissed up hatchet job on it. Still, some people seem to like that too…

I’m considering doing a new song tonight….I think it was by the ‘Soup Dragons’…

“Cos I'm free, to do what I want, any old time”
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 23 Nov 2007, 12:16, closed)

Fair enough
Alright, good point about what I said about muslim extremists. I take that back(ish), it wasn't very well expressed/thought through etc.

The main reason I took it so seriously was the fact that there seemed to be a fair number of people agreeing with it fairly seriously as well...

And I think that making up a story for this QOTW can be pretty dangerous, in that you could end up being one of the ones propping up twatty Daily Mail stereotypes. Bit different to making up a story about how you were wanking in an ice-cream van with headphones on then got the shits and had to wipe your arse on your mum who'd come in with a cup of tea.

Also, I was forced to learn German at GCSE... And Prince is indeed a cast-iron cunt.

Have fun at yer gig, sorry if I, uh, came on too strong. It was late and I had a headache.
(jizzools, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 12:48, closed)

Amazing
I find it quite amazing that anyone has had cause to comment negatively on this post at all.

It's so blatantly exaggerated satire - how could anyone extrapolate anything from it except humour?
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Sat 24 Nov 2007, 19:36, closed)

EuroSong
Because it's exactly the kind of nonsense Richard Littlejohn would put in one of his columns, and then try to deflect the criticism by saying, "come on, it's only a joke!"

I don't think Pooflake intended it in quite this way, however. (And he's right about Prince and Jim Davidson. You can add Littlejohn to the cunts list, too.)
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Sun 25 Nov 2007, 22:40, closed)

Not because
some folk take them selves a bit seriously then?
(nunoncastors is more serious than cancer, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 9:52, closed)

Yes, of course
people take things too seriously, and Pooflake was obviously only having a laugh.

But whereas he obviously doesn't mean it, a lot of people say the same sort of thing (hence my reference to Littlejohn) and do mean it. And, sadly, this week's QOTW is bringing out the Littlejohns of this board - the sort of people who use PCGM as a cover for their own bigotry.

For every few people who read Pooflake's post and go, "that's funny" there'll be one who goes, "too right, mate, that's just what it's like with these Pakis who come over here."
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Mon 26 Nov 2007, 14:45, closed)

made me piss
hat well and truely off to you sir,

now if you could just get something in their about schools!
(pogo_it, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 12:24, closed)

How to take Things out of context: Part 1
"Too right, mate, that's just what it's like with these Pakis who come over here"

Argh: He said the P-Word. STONE HIM, STONE HIM!!! *Screams something about hate-crime*

*****************************

I think it's possible that many people (myself included) "agreed" with Pooflake - confident that he had meant it entirely tongue in cheek - and took it to be a near-perfect example of how daily-mail readers see the situation: hence praise-worthy by dint of being excellent observation.

I'd hope that the majority of people on this site are more than capable of mentally sorting the Jim Davidsons from the rest...
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 27 Nov 2007, 13:54, closed)

The utter genius of this post
is that the negative responses represent everything that anti PC people hate. Why is it that it's hardly ever the group supposedly being attacked that complains?

It is so often an overly sensitive member of the majority with a bizarre guilt complex that jumps in with their size 12 legislation boots and starts moaning and wailing about percieved inequalities often without understanding the situation properly or even thinking to consult the "injured" party.

Anyone who couldn't see the that Mr. Pooflakes answer was a joke is either terminally dim, or was so keen to take the moral high ground that they didn't even read the answer properly.

Go and find something useful to do with yourselves and retract your organic, fairtrade, multi cultural awareness paddle and let people just get on with their lives.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Nov 2007, 17:02, closed)