My mother once
took me out for a birthday dinner... at the restaurant at which I worked.

Imagine the joy when she mentioned it was my birthday.. forcing the staff, my co-workers, to gather round my table and sing me an unenthusiastic "Happy Birthday," as per standard awful theme restaurant procedure.

Working there became just that much less fun after that. I didn't stay much longer.
( Rob T Firefly talked, like, William Shatner, on, Mon 27 Sep 2004, 1:14, Reply)

Mad would be mother-in-law
bought me a wedding dress much to the extreme horror of my boyfriend & myself we weren't actually engaged and were in the throws of a dying relationship - this actually did help end it so perhaps I really should thank her.
(DWF, Sun 26 Sep 2004, 22:48, Reply)

SRY
i forgot to mention it was free. cheap bitch
(cowcarnavor, Sun 26 Sep 2004, 18:19, Reply)

BLEACH
Okay...this one is weird.

I was visiting my Aunt for winter vacation and was really excited for peresents. She not poor, mind you, and i was 9. I got the gift and started ripping it open. i looked at what i had opened. A FUCKING DISPOSABLE CAMERA THAT COSTED A BUCK! and not one of those plastic covered ones that look nice. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. it was a roll of film with a lightbulb rapped in paper.
(cowcarnavor, Sun 26 Sep 2004, 18:02, Reply)

my uncle
once got me a thing you press into bread before you toast it so the toast would say 'good morning'.. I think my sister got the same thing.. but in his defence he did get me a book on computer hacking the year after.
Speaking of my sister, one resent year she got me a framed picture of HER DOG. Which since she has an insane sense of humour was kinda one of the best presents I've got.
My other sister has this pathetic genetic mutant of a dog that me and my nuts sister enjoy to hate. So one year I got the dog a 'present'. It was a neatly wrapped bullet. Much evil sibling laughter ensued, not from my other sister of course.
(Vectrex, Sun 26 Sep 2004, 17:44, Reply)

Get Well Soon
A couple of years ago, I had a motorbike accident and broke a leg and an arm. I spent a couple of weeks in the local hospital in pot and looking like something out of a bad british sitcom.

Sick of miscelleneous rewarmed meat from the hospital trolley, I asked my Dad to bring me in a bit of fruit - traditional grapes would be fine but whatever you can get.

Fucker brought me a coconut. And stood and pissed himself whilst I banged it against my cast with my one good hand to try and open the cunt.
(Greatest Bloke, Sun 26 Sep 2004, 17:40, Reply)

Socks
Fuck off socks
(morbi5, Sun 26 Sep 2004, 16:55, Reply)

for my second birthday i got a sister
thus reducing my present value threshold by about 60 percent (cos girls need more stuff than boys aparently)

meh, guess thas pretty boring...
(The Cosmic Boy Zombie (Formerly Pirate Cat), Sun 26 Sep 2004, 16:51, Reply)

christmas
my auntie allways used to spend allot on my christmas presents but she allways used to buy the addons for things one year she brought me a meccano drill but i didnt actually have any meccano.
(fwack bang on it, Sun 26 Sep 2004, 16:04, Reply)

christmas
my mate believed in santa clause till quite a late age and one year his dad thourght it would be funny to put coal out for him and his brothers then give them their real presents. well when they descovered the coal they all started balling it so he went and got them their presents but he couldnt stop em cryin for about 3 hours.
(fwack bang on it, Sun 26 Sep 2004, 16:02, Reply)

Grandma
My Nan has a wonderful eye for presents. One year I had a wonderful green leather handbag. Then another year I had a brown furry wrap-around skirt which had lost a button. There have been various bottles of perfume which smell like cheese.

Then my 'auntie' once bought me a wonderful necklace made of seashells. It was a beaut.

I prefer a chocolate orange with a quid in the top every year from my oher grandpa, bless him :)
(Lozhead, Sun 26 Sep 2004, 15:46, Reply)

Lovely software
I was about 12 or 13 when my parents got me a copy of Make-a-chip for the Spectrum.Christ alone knows what face I made when I opened thet piece of toss.
Mmmmmm.Nor gates......
(archroy Get down wi' yer bad self., Sun 26 Sep 2004, 1:01, Reply)

name a star after someone
For 35 dollars someone named a star after me that was "documented in the US copyright office in book form" (I know this because I must have been hearing the same radio advert for months). Wow, what an honor...an invisible star named Mary. I would rather have watched him take his 35 dollars, flick a lighter and burn it in front of me. That's not even all: for the last two years my husband has forgotten my birthday. Yes, I remind him about a month before and then again at about 9PM of the day in question. Ooops! Sad I am, yes, but he's rich. Guess what I'll be giving him.....
(GTMotorboat, Sun 26 Sep 2004, 0:57, Reply)

thanks v much
I had recently let the police hold onto my driving licence for safe keeping (as they do) and imagine my gratitude, when for Christmas my gran gave me a car shampoo set! Bucket, Sponge the lot. Hmmm.
(paranoidvisions only in it for the money, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 23:33, Reply)

My mates
sister is a real spoilt cow whos had everything she ever asked for. One christmas my mate (whose name is Robert) gave her an MP3 player (just when they came out and were well expensive). She gave him a music tape that she had recorded five songs with the word 'Robert' in the lyrics because it was apparently 'meaningful'. Spoilt cow.
( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 21:17, Reply)

Imagine,
for a second, someone gave you, at Christmas, a tie that played Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer when you pressed the nose of the grinning spacker's approximation of Santa's least favourite pet. I don't have to imagine.
( Flippu!, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 20:13, Reply)

Crappy xmas
When we were little our parents would give me and my two sisters some money so we could buy each other a present. I brought my little pressies and they were ok for a ten year old.

I was really looking forward to x-mas day and opening the briiliant presents they had brought me. Middle sis brought me a nice vase. i went to little sis pressie and excitedly ripped off the paper...

it was an old moulding book which she had had for about two years and had previously dropped in the bath. I think i cried for about 3 days, i wont let her forget it either.. git.
( squiddylyd Once you pop you can't stop!, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 18:12, Reply)

My ex-girlfriend
Gave me crabs
(ClockworkDespot, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 15:51, Reply)

Anyone ever hear about what Santa Claus does to bad kids?
He leaves a piece of coal in thier stocking, The thing is, the parents of this bloke I know once did that to him. Serve him right for being an utter fucking cunt.
(NPC, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 15:16, Reply)

...
Two years ago my girlfriend was given an umbrella for christmas by her flatmate. why?

For my 21st I was given an electric hole punch by my parents. I spent the day trying to punch holes in as many things as possible. my flat looked like an advert for swiss cheese.
(Timmy (Esq), Sat 25 Sep 2004, 14:48, Reply)

Not me, but a mate...
His brother received a Playstation 2 for his 16th birthday and when my mate's 18th birthday happened but a month after that, his dear mother bought him a packet of potato seeds.

SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!
(Sheriff, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 14:12, Reply)

my now ex girlfriend
told me how after spending 9 months or so in Brazil she returned to give each of her friends and family

a stick [from the Amazon rainforest.]

I thought this was quite clever, her being a penniless student. And serves the greedy bastards right
(monkeyseemonkeydo, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 13:13, Reply)

The Dockers
In the mid-90's I lived in Southern California and had a penchant for wearing tacky, loud clubwear, knob that I was. My girlfriend at the time, a Mexican named Grisiela, hated my taste in clothing. She constantly begged me to dress in her words "like a more grown-up". "I want to see you in the Dockers," she would frequently say.

I, the smug fashionplate, would just laugh at her pleas.

One July morning I awoke to find a package from Mexico for my birthday. Sure enough, Grisiela had sent me "the Dockers", bright blue, a shade shy of neon. For S&G's I tried them on. They were truly the most heinous article of clothing I'd ever worn up to that time. The pants were about two sizes too small, such that the zipped fly was stretched almost to the breaking point. What's more, they were clearly retreads, as they were highlighted with numerous bleached streaks indicative of sloppy laundering.

Grisiela never saw me in "the Dockers". We split up shortly after when she was impregnated by a Dutch tourist.

I'll bet they wear "the Dockers" with pride in Holland...
( luvtub, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 8:00, Reply)

Flinstones
My mother and sister once gave me a pair of bright orange boxer shorts with black triangles all over, made to look like Fred Flinstone's suit.

Fred's trademark bright blue tie hangs right down the front.

That's what every man needs.. to receive a thoughtful gift from ma and sis that draws all attention to your man parts.
( Rob T Firefly talked, like, William Shatner, on, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 5:52, Reply)

My great-grandmother gave me, her great granddaughter,
a pair of boy's underoos when I was 10. She gave my brother the same present. He was 14.
(Sinister, baby is waiting for ffej..., Sat 25 Sep 2004, 4:35, Reply)

Shit Present
My grandmother (devoutly catholic and more than a little nutty) gave my brother and I (not the most "respectable" people) an animated video about St. Francis of Assisi one Xmas. We sold it in a garage sale 3 years later, and that Xmas she gave the same tape to us. 5 years later (2 years ago) and we send it to the Salvation Army thrift shop and what do we get for Xmas....

Yep, you guessed it.
We now have it hidden in my parent's attic or some other such place.

First post, Woo!
(lizbianajones, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 4:12, Reply)

At least my feet were, uh.. ...warm.
I was given a pair of socks (white ones, too, nothing fancy or interesting about them aside from the red line across the toe) for Christmas. Thanks a lot, grandma. I'll remember this when you're laid up in the hospital, you cheap hag.
(mahasoor, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 4:11, Reply)

oops !
I gave my grandma a Thin Lizzy album when she was dying of cancer .....oops.



My sister recently gave me a 2 year old calendar because she thought I would like the pictures.
(MrPhoto, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 3:14, Reply)

idiot.
thought of another indignation-inducing present situation...
My ex got a second-hand copy of Riven for me for my birthday, because he'd finished Myst which I bought for myself and was never allowed to play.
It didn't work in my computer, so we went to a friends house and he played Riven for the next two hours on her computer, completely ignoring her and me. In front of me, he asked her 20 quid for it which she paid, and then he got me a pipe he paid 5 quid for. The rest he used for beer money for himself.
Tight fucking bastard.
(spida, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 1:25, Reply)

eh?!
My father was quite harshly in denial that I was growing up...
For my 15th birthday he gave me a rag doll. Not a classy, victorian style one (which I wouldn't have liked, but it would have meant some effort was involved) it had a label on it to confirm my suspicions it was from Bewise. For my 16th I got a $20 bill (I was living in the UK) that my father couldn't exchange.
For my 14th birthday I'd come home from school a little bemused and slightly upset (trying not to act like a spoiled child) that nothing was forthcoming presents-wise. Finally I got up the courage to ask, and my mother snaps 'we only just bought you a new bed!' This was 4 months before, and I had to get a new one because I'd had the old one since I was six and a leg had snapped. Is a bed really a birthday present? Luxury indeed. mmm.
I also had to arrange my birthday parties from the age of 7 onwards, which I was allowed to attend between preparing food. I still end up in tears on my birthday.
I'm spoiling my kids I just decided.
Oh yeah, and my ex got me an extendable file for my birthday. I got him a DVD player. Boys, please never buy anything so obscenely practical for your gf's birthday unless you want to spend the night alone. And possibly a few years after...
I got a kitten this year...things are looking up!
(spida, Sat 25 Sep 2004, 1:15, Reply)