Piercing
My story doesn't just involve me getting a gift that needed to be tossed out. It involved something that is still affecting me today.

When I turned eight, I wanted a doll. I really liked dolls. All my friends had dolls. I wanted a doll!

My birthday rolled around. I recieved no doll. I didn't even get some other toy. Instead, I was told "Surprise! You're getting your ears pierced!"

My mom took me to the mall, where my ears were pierced. The stupid piercer put the studs in off-centre. It ALSO turns out I have severe metal allergies, and I can only wear really high quality gold (not being snobby. Any other metal makes my earlobes swell and the skin cracks. It's gross.) My ears are still messed up twelve years later.

Happy birthday to me.
(dragonrose, Wed 29 Sep 2004, 7:38, Reply)

It's better to give...
We had an office Christmas "white elephant" giveaway with a $16 limit on the gift, so I went out and bought a $15 hammer at the hardware store and put it in a paper bag that I drew colorful holday pictures on with green and red magic markers.

Unfortunately I wasn't there for the drawing, I ended up with a horrible little Christmas tree made from a terra cotta pot, some plaster, and a piece of fake greenery with little red beads glued to it. Horrible.
(local_weather rarely posts anything, Wed 29 Sep 2004, 3:01, Reply)

my dad
Back in the day when we were kids and packets of Polo's cost 10p me and my bro had spent all day pestering my Dad for sweets so he took us to the sweet shop, bought a packet of 10p Polo's (which were out of date like everything in this shop) and then proceeded to split it in half so me and my bro had half a apacket of sweets. Tight bastard!


my parents announced they were getting divorced on April 3rd, at which point I pointed out they were too late for aprils fools day, anyway my Mum buys really cool presents(like DVD boxed sets and model formula 1 cars which I happen to like, and my dad lets himself into my flat every so often and leaves random bags of tomatoes and banana's on my work surface whilst borrowing CD's from my collection. I love them both, but my Mum buys cooler presents!)
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Wed 29 Sep 2004, 1:02, Reply)

I was once given...
A large bottle of vodka, 24 cans of Stella and a bottle of black abynthe 80 by my work collegues. "wait" I hear you say, "thats not a crap present". It was really considering I'd just recovered from a very nasty bout of jaundice and wasn't allowed to drink any alcohol for at least 3 months. :(
(kgibsonuk, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 21:53, Reply)

Christmas presents of joy
My gran gave my cousin a litre of Diluted orange juice (no sugar). She was sure chuffed about that(!) and wanted swap for what I had got from gran... a candle stick (whoppee).

Once I gave my best mate a kiwi fruit for his christmas. haha. He saw the funny side of it.
(Janny, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 19:51, Reply)

Gere, Connery crap
Missus greencat usually buys fairly useless presents at the last minute - but this year she suppassed herself for my birthday. A copy of First Knight on DVD - Bl**dy awful film that I've already seen...(but she hadn't).

Parents are no better - one year I was given the Hobson's choice of a dodgy chinese good luck ring or a farting gnome for Xmas (at least I wasn't disappointed on the actual day)
(greencat, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 19:29, Reply)

GIN
I know it sounds like a fabulous gift, but I hate gin. Hatehatehate. I have a psycho friend, and every birthday, and then every christmas I am given an econo-size bottle of this nasty poison. Tangueray too. He will watch me drink beer and vodka at sundry events, and still. I've told him too. The reason is, he gets gin every year and doesn't drink it either, so he doesn't even open it, knowing what it is, and hands. it. over. I've got at least 10 bottles of it.

First post, be cucumber-y please!!!
(Drunkendragon, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 18:39, Reply)

A friend's shoddy presents
Haven't received anything noteworthily shoddy myself, but my friend has received several from his dad's friend, who just happened to be his maths teacher. One Christmas he got a present you can't get in the shops! It was a Lurpak mug, which is obtained by sending away the lids from six packs of Lurpak. Another year he got a bar of chocolate that was six months out of date. His sister, interested in classical music, was given a Classic FM CD, which actually sounds like quite a good present until you learn that all he did was buy Classic FM magazine and give her the free CD off that.
(Scynthius, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 17:01, Reply)

garage sale queen
My nana is vaguely crazy, and spends all her money on the races and furs, and so has none left to spend on presents. Instead, she would go to garage sales, buy random second hand toys and clothes, put them in clear plastic bags, and then sellotape on a price tag which she had pilfered from something she actually had bought new. I was always impressed with her attempts at sneakiness until the year she bought us all second hand underwear. Then I was just grossed out.
(pacificprincess1, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 16:41, Reply)

I'm 27...
Having seen me chuckle at a couple of Simpsons episodes when visiting for Sunday Dinner through the year, last xmas my parents bought for me a set of dancing figures -the type you place in front of your stereo speakers, there were all the simpsons family in the set and I overheard my Dad say to my Mom "I can't wait to see him playing with them".

It's like they forget how old I am, every year something equally adolescent !
(gingerALAN, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 16:41, Reply)

more shit
my old drunkle has for the past 3 years sent me, thru the post his old underwear....skids n all. cant happen any more tho the mean cunt died hahahaa
(Stalkin Bambi, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 16:18, Reply)

The true meaning of Christmas: socks and pants...
I'm now 28, and ever since I was about 10 I could rely on 3 certainties... Death, Taxes and Socks and Pants for Christmas. Generally boring socks and functional boxers by the mountainload. Well last december I was doing the pre-home-visit clean up of my flat, and decided to throw out a load of old junk and tatty clothes. I discovered that the grot-supply was running low, and it was therefore time for a trip to Primark...when I caught myself. Why go to Primark and spend a whole English pound on 5 pairs of boxers when I will undoubtably will get a shedload for chrimbo.

I am a genius.

And that christmas I was a genius going commando.

My aunts and my nan thoughtfully bought me selection boxes.

I don't eat chocolate.
(Thebigfella, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 15:00, Reply)

shite
for my birthday a couple of years ago i received a 'snowstorm' from a mate. you know - one of those little glass things which you shake up to make the 'snow fall'? it was themed on the city of london. where do i live? london. great.
obviously grabbed from the nearest tat shop on the way to the pub. oh well it's the thought that counts i suppose...
(littlerichardsmustache, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 13:59, Reply)

shit presents
I received a shaving set from my father-in-law one Christmas. A second-hand shaving set. A used shaving set, in fact. With dandruff in the comb, bits of nail on the nail file and hair on the razorblade. All wrapped up with love at Christmas.

The phrase "You shouldn't have" never seemed so appropriate.

Come on, I must win a bun for that
(sneepystoat, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 13:50, Reply)

It's so cruel...
I remember when I was 7, all I wanted for my 8th birthday was a super soaker 500 or whatever it was...you know the really cool big ones with the water tanks that go on your back an shit. I was having visions for weeks about fucking annihilating the rest of the kids on my block and laughing with a furious rage whilst I did so...anyway, my dad had promised me this present for weeks but he is a dosser, so when I awoke that sunny morning after a night of virtually no sleep, what did I see on my bedroom floor? Was it the bazooka shaped parcel that had filled my dreams for a month? No. It was a big map of the world. I thought it was a joke, and all day, in vain, waited for my dad to go "Surprise!!!" and pull the pistol out of a cupboard. It never happened, and to top it all off, whenever I've brought that scenario up in more recent times, he just goes "Oh yeah!", smiles, then laughs almost manically.

Also, once my sister bought me a wooden car, fixed to a round base. Yay.
(Tommy B!, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 13:22, Reply)

Just keep it
The worst was instead of the I *love* New York t-shirt requested my parents returned with a black t-shirt with that hideous raised puffy writing saying Palm Beach in pink and accompanied by a equally lurid palm tree (orange and green). Oh and the sleeves rolled up to reveal that the underneath was in fact bright yellow. I have never seen the like since - god only knows where they got it as I don't think they had even gone to Palm Beach. Did I mention that all these colours were fluorescent and no it wasn't the 80's. Cheers.
(r0slynne, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 12:47, Reply)

Oneupmanship
It started last chrismtas when Mrs Badger gave me one of those electric leaf blowers that keen gardeners use. I am in no way a keen gardener and it was therefore consigned to the shed. Thus, on valentines day she got a beautifully wrapped angle grinder, and burst into tears when i said that i had indeed got her another present. The relief was short lived when she opened the disks to go with it.
(Aleister Crowleys Badger Nothing to see here, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 11:40, Reply)

My mates....
.... wrapped up a massive box for their Auntie (they are brothers) for Christmas. They then built it up throughout December, prompting extra visits from her as she attempted to figure out what was in the box. Christmas day came, she was round extra early to open the present, the whole extended family watching in suspense. What was inside- a pile of bricks.

Result, tears from the auntie, a complete bollocking from the entire family and my mates crying with laughter for weeks!
(dogger collymore, Tue 28 Sep 2004, 11:38, Reply)

Once for my birthday my 'friends' gave me
a white shoe box, mmm i thought to myself must be something nice in here, bottle of vodka maybe. No, it was a silver thong with a pink shiny bra with an illustrated characture of what i'd look like in them, now thats pretty crap but im a bloke and it was in the middle of school.
I hope she reads this..
(Absynth&Cheese Have you tasted my Jesus, Mon 27 Sep 2004, 20:06, Reply)

yes, another aunty one...
my parents stopped buying presents altogether for my cousins about 8 years ago. This all happened because one christmas my mother bought my cousins silver money boxes each. My Aunt and Uncle gave my brother and I blue peter style ( think fairy liquid bottles etc) slime pack things from the ghostbusters film, with the paint still wet and bits falling off. They also bought us some plastic toys from poundland, but put them in shoeboxes because "the wrapper broke" :: ahem....sure it did ::....quite glad since it meant more money was spent on our presents by my parents...woohoo! hehehehe.
(iapetus, Mon 27 Sep 2004, 17:50, Reply)

this year for my birthday i received.
a front door key.


...
sometimes i fucking hate my parents.
(melancholica, Mon 27 Sep 2004, 15:25, Reply)

I'm sure they didn't really hate me
I had an old auntie on my dad's side, one of those ones of some ambiguous genetic or marital connection that's just called "auntie" despite no-one knowing who she's actually related to.

Every year she would give me keyrings, packs of cards, more keyrings, maybe a matchbox sized car and some more keyrings. As if this wasn't crap enough, they were were all promotional items that she'd got for free somwhere.

But that's not that bad, what's bad is that they were all fag related. At the age of five I had an impressive collection of Dunhill, B&H and Rothmans sponsored tat. Marvellous.I'm sure she didn't meant to encourage me but I am rather partial to a smoke these days....
(Nursie, Mon 27 Sep 2004, 14:29, Reply)

i once received
a book entitled "13 Murder Mysteries".
From my grandmother.

Surely she was aware that a wimpy 14 year old girl has NO interest in blood & gore at all? I tell ya, geriatrics...

I stashed it in my wardrobe, along with a MUFFIN TRAY that i received from an aunt that same year. It's still in the packaging.
(hayno, Mon 27 Sep 2004, 13:45, Reply)

Beans are made to be sliced
18th birthdays are supposed to be more special than the others (or so I thought) until I received from my uncle: an egg piercer, a rubber jar grip and a bean slicer (what the feck is a bean slicer anyway?).

I'm not actually sure what he thought I might use them for.. but I havent used them yet and I'm careering towards being 20.

So if anyone needs their beans slicing or egg with a new set of piercings just let me know.
(melancholiclaughter Corpsichord, Mon 27 Sep 2004, 11:15, Reply)

One christmas...
some beardy bloke died for my sins.

Being the son of God and all, you'd of thought he'd of been able to pull a few strings and of got me the GameBoy I asked for instead.

Whoops, no, that was easter.
( Spencer Elden, Mon 27 Sep 2004, 10:48, Reply)

Christmas-ness
My mum used to give me money to buy clothes as presents a few weeks before Christmas (to avoid buying me clothes that I didnt like). This was a good idea until (every year) she insisted in taking the clothes out of my wardrobe, wrapping them and putting them under the tree 'for Christmas'.

Oh, and then there were the compilation CD's I never wanted, every fucking year, but I wont go into that.
(Bowling_for_Maybelline I know a Malteser when I hear it, Mon 27 Sep 2004, 10:12, Reply)

Tyre.
My brother (younger) is a tightarse when it comes to presents, so Imagine my surprise when I find a nicely-wrapped, large, and extremely heavy pressie on my 21st birthday morning. I unwrap it to find... a spare wheel/tyre... covered in rust and grime... which until recently had been living in the boot of my car.

Bastard.

My girlfriend of nearly 5 years has yet to give me anything remarkably good or useful. But her heart's in the right place... (seriously... I get her a lovely silver/gold watch... and recieve FUCKING BEDSHEETS).
(AlphaDog, Mon 27 Sep 2004, 9:26, Reply)

Christmas bonus!
A former job of mine was run by a team of notoriously cheap bastards. So when one December week my pay included a Christmas bonus of $20 I was amused and a bit surprised, and I gave all the polite thank-yous to the bosses.

I didn't think much more of it.. until the following week, when I found my pay docked $20 for what was listed as the previous week's "advance."
( Rob T Firefly talked, like, William Shatner, on, Mon 27 Sep 2004, 5:33, Reply)

The xmas
my parents bought me a lovely shiny new bike which I couldn't ride cos I had broken my leg so badly I was in a toe to thigh plaster cast for 3 1/2 months and they knew this when they bought the bloody thing!
(DWF, Mon 27 Sep 2004, 1:47, Reply)