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This is a question Pretentious bollocks

Possibly the worst event I ever went to was an evening of turntablists in London. The lights went down, the first guy put a cymbal onto a turntable, dropped the needle on it and left it making screeching noises for ten minutes.

When the lights came up, half the audience had snuck out.

What's the most pretentious rubbish you've ever been to see in the name of art?

(, Wed 28 Sep 2005, 14:19)
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Pretentious bollocks
In my long forgotten past I was a criminal defence lawyer in a piss poor northern town. One of the regulars at court was the most pretentious streak of piss that you could find; educated at Oxford don't yew know. Lost no opportunity telling everyone how clever he was.


One of my collegues was a timid little thing who now teaches the piano to kids. Lovely girl called Lucy. Made virtually no impression in the rather coarse world of the criminal fraternity due to a lack of swearing, lying and overt bribery but will allways be remembered for the following.

Following one of my clients going down for a very long time (deserved it, guilty as a chav) I was walking out of court between the pretentious streak of piss and Lucy and he rather loudly said something to me in Greek (not modern greek, oh no, but ancient, fucking, greek). Cue me looking slightly blank. Cue Lucy leaning across and saying uncharacteristically loudly "Right sentiment, wrong tense". Cue streak of piss going red. Cue much laughter.

For the next two years before I escaped that particular pergatory everything he said was greeted with the question "right tense?".

Toodle pip
(, Mon 3 Oct 2005, 19:18, closed)

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