we used to have a holiday home in spain
it was a little cliff top terrace of 8 villas, all of them occupied by spanish families apart from ours. until mike and lynda bought the one next door and moved over from southampton. now, bear in mind that mike and lynda were two of the ugliest people you have ever seen. he was tall and unbelievably thin. she was short and unbelievably fat. and they were both absolute rampant raving alcoholics.

after they had been there a while, it became clear that they were not only keen drinkers, but also keen nudists. not great, but the nearest nudist beach wasn't visible from the house, so let them get on with it. but a little whilst after that, it became evident that they were swingers. and rather keen on my parents. my mum and dad used to wonder which of them would have gotten the worse end of that transaction. (for the record, i think it was my mum. my little cousin summed mike up when she announced in her little yorkshire accent, "'e stinks dun't 'e?")

one day in the summer holidays, when my parents were there for a few weeks, lynda waddled round to ask if my parents fancied going away together for the weekend. taking evasive and pre-emptive action, my mother told her they were off to granada for a few days. it turned out that mike and lynda were off to a nudist camp and had wanted my parents to accompany them. my mother decided to book train tickets to granada as quickly as possible. in fact, she'd have bought new trainers to run there.

a couple of days later, mike and lynda were packing for their trip. my parents were truly intrigued as to what on earth you pack to go to a nudist camp, so they were nosily watching the car being loaded up. it turns out the predictable answer is booze. lots and lots of booze. and off they went. the very next day, they were back. they hadn't liked the nudist camp. there was no air conditioning and.... their room was "too far away from the bar".

if there is one thing i learned from mike and lynda, and the gaggle of germans who were the only other people who ever went nude on the nudist beach, it is that physical attractiveness and the desire to be publicly nude are usually not related. not even distantly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jul 2014, 18:35, 19 replies)

Someone told me
that a swingers orgy was like mating time in the hippo cage.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 1:24, closed)

It says 9 replies but I can only see 1. What's going on ?
(chovnik, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 9:54, closed)

Shambolic got upset and deleted them
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 10:49, closed)

He tends to do that quite a bit from what I hear. Is that correct?

(Dr Doctor Can't you see I'm burning burning?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 11:05, closed)

It's a mystery alright.
An old man spends all day every day for over a decade, somedays really putting in the overtime till past midnight relentlessly posting about his fantastical millionaire consultancy life away from his computer. Then gets terribly upset and ignores posters and deletes everything whenever it's pointed out how the two lives are somewhat incongruous.
(Your name: Board Sig:, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 11:21, closed)

it's either a giant murder mystery with elements of conspiracy and derring-do
or someone deleted some words on the internet.

i think i prefer the former
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 12:23, closed)

www.b3ta.com/questions/publicnudity/post2327036"
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 11:16, closed)

needs more words

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 11:22, closed)

words confuse some people on here so drawed a picture

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 8:38, closed)

try telling that to the five page rambling non-ecdote semi-literate dullards

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 9:04, closed)

We straddle them colossi of erudite prose
typing ever more engaging and hilarious stories about our fascinating lives

and take the piss and type shite like every other fucker here ;)
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 9:12, closed)