ahhh
"that's seventeen pounds fifty nine, please"
*reaches into pocket for purse, which is not there*
ohfuckohfuckohfuck! where's my fucking purse!? i must have put it in my handbag!
*checks handbag*
bollocking shitcunt! it's not in there, either! i'm going to have to put all this shopping back and then go grovelling to mum for money because I'VE LOST MY FUCKING PURSE!
uhmmm.....wait a minute.....it's in the little pocket on the front of your trolley, you fucking numpty.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 13:16, 18 replies)

This happens to me an average of about once a day.
Replace purse with wallet/keys/phone as appropriate.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 13:22, closed)

it's an absolute pisser

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 13:27, closed)

i think this is a valuable lesson to all female shoppers
TO GET YOUR FUCKING MONEY READY WHILE YOU ARE IN THE FUCKING QUEUE

PAYING FOR THE STUFF ISN'T EXACTLY A SURPRISE AND THERE ARE PEOPLE WAITING


AAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 13:26, closed)

usually, i'd agree
but when you've got speedy gonzales manning the till, throwing stuff through the scanner almost before you've put it on the conveyor belt, someone in front still bagging their stuff up and someone behind already having theirs scanned, it's all just a bit hectic. i generally do have my money ready, but it was a nightmare in there today.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 13:29, closed)

oh in that case, fuck it,
if they start scanning my stuff before the previous customer has finished bagging up, they can pack it as well. i go quickly, but very much at my own pace
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 17:49, closed)

the christmas rush was well in effect

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 22 Dec 2012, 21:13, closed)

Why women can't just buy trousers with a back pocket,
is beyond me.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 13:38, closed)

i've got some of those
they're called jeans. today, however, i'm wearing a dress.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 13:46, closed)

I bet you don't use the pockets in your jeans,
and so have to root around your handbag whenever you need your purse, phone, or keys.
Keep your handbags tidy, women!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 14:44, closed)

i do use the pocket in my jeans
as my purse is the wallety kind that fits in nicely. front pockets are for keys, so they don't jab you in the arse when you sit down.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 14:47, closed)

Yet you still chucked your purse in the trolley?
No wonder men have all the money.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 17:10, closed)

it's safer in there
as the little pocket fastens with velcro
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 22 Dec 2012, 14:05, closed)

I found my debit card
in the bottom of my shopping bag one day. Of course I was totally convinced I had lost it / it had been stolen so I had already phoned the bank up to cancel it... oops.
(Mackeson_drinker, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 13:36, closed)

i have a hard enough job keeping tabs on my gas card
no way am i getting a debit/credit card!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 13:45, closed)

you fucking idiot

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 15:47, closed)

I have a thing where I'll be walking down the street and I'll suddenly stop and grab my arse.
It drives the missus mental. I suddenly get a sense of unease and I remember taking my wallet out at the last shop we were in, but I can never seem to remember putting it back. I have to check my back pockets as quickly as possible. Of course it's there, and the wife thinks I'm doing it to wind her up.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 17:54, closed)

I've managed to perfect the art of grabbing my arse whilst walking.
Go me!
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 21 Dec 2012, 18:28, closed)

would she be happier if you suddenly stopped and grabbed her arse?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 22 Dec 2012, 14:06, closed)