Bill Hicks was born 50 years ago today
can we have a better qotw than the current repeat one?
(weaselinajetengine, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 0:31, Reply)

deja vu
nice clean simple and full of familiarity
(retrac fumble in the jungle, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:09, Reply)

What did you dream about last night?
Tell us about your weird and interesting dreams.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 13 Dec 2011, 13:21, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

holiday shopping horrors
I always meet the worst asses while christmas shopping. The people that will break your neck to get to the christmas turkeys first.
(mariam67, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 23:19, Reply)

Parsnips
Your favourite anecdotes about Parsnips please
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Loser.

When have you laughed second to last, snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, been shafted by The Man or missed out on a lift in the Honda Accord Of Justice.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Huge Fucking Puns
I think we should let them all out in one go.

I want to hear about self addressed antelopes, elephants of surprise, hot cross bunnies and cheese eating cats waiting for mice with baited breath.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 11:18, Reply)

make up a word any word
and then define it
good words bad words sweary words
for instance just the other week i came up with blabeling in a post, i would define it as blathering and babbling it means to talk/post total shit in a copious manner
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 11:42, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

bad taste storys about what you have or would like to give to
Bad taste
how about presents that you would shouldnt but would love to give
maybe a nice shiny claw hammer
for that rather nice bearded peter sutcliff
or a pair of one size fits all gloves for jeremy beadle
or ian huntly getting a season ticket to man united
how about a book on how to captivate your audience for personal gain
and finally brian blessed singing silent night for the local branch of sufferererss of nervous conditions
the possibility's are almost endless like my spelling
or am i just being a cunt?
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 18:54, Reply)

De ja vue
sounds like it could have legs and run a bit before reposts
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 18:43, Reply)

The one thing I'd teach the younger me
You're doing it all over again and you can teach yourself one important life lesson, what would you tell yourself? Me? I'd tell myself to always hold the buckle of a belt when putting it on, especially in a rush.
(ThatNiceMan thought he was being funny, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 9:18, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Can we have 'Gullible Idiots' next week?
I'm sure it will be totally different to this week.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 13:09, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

deja vu
nice clean simple and full of familiarity
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Lucky escapes
Tell us about the time you stopped to tie your shoelaces and an air conditioning unit fell from a building and splattered on the pavement in front of you.
Or when you split up with someone, who then went on to be exposed as a serial killer.
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 1:21, Reply)

Near death
As a kid I ran through a glass door without opening it, door duly smashed and sliced me up a treat, another half pint of blood loss and I wouldn't have made it. Bet there are far more interesting near death experiences out there.
(bluehamster, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 10:55, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

George michele* and his demise
what web shit could you come up with the explain his lack of vitality and impending doom?
was it all to do with the cathaholics and that there pope in pointy hat?
or could it be a mafia hit that was a warning to elton john to buck his ideas up?
or maybe it could have been Sir cliff richard on an anti gay rampage ordering his army of blue rinsed old lady's to take out any high profile figures that didn't meet his oh so lordly criteria
finally could it have been ronald macdonald and his band of tiny turdburglers settling old scores by injecting his mcflurry hole with face acne collected from the bottom of the fryers where it had dripped in to the oil?
could it all be a hoax and clever marketing ploy to sell a new christmas number 1 by a fading singer
or a sales exercise by the makers of the bed that he is supposedly in to save his life
or maybe in one of his late night excursions to gentleman's rooms on the common he put his tin foil hat on but for got to put one over his helmet and got the drippy yellow stuff of anguish followed by the searing burny pain of despair and finally the gunky foul smelling discharge of inevitability that has done for him?
did i breath while typing this
does cuntuation really exist in my head or is it all just make believe
am i sitting here stoned and blabbleing my nut of




* could be any near death person
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 18:14, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

have you ever done a plop in your pants
or maybe in a carrier bag or a Pringles® tube or a policeman's helmet or something, I dunno
(yeah right bollocks bollocks, Sun 4 Dec 2011, 16:35, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

deja vu
nice clean simple and full of familiarity
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 11:48, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

You can't make this stuff up
Ever experienced something so bizarre, so off-the-wall or so unlikely that, when you tell us all about it, no-one will believe you? Are you beginning to doubt it yourself?
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 1 Dec 2011, 13:00, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Surprises!
Nice ones, nasty ones and what the fuck ones.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 1 Dec 2011, 12:36, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Christmas is coming
And millions children all over the world will be visited by Santa Claus who will help forge ever-lasting memories; hope, surprise, joy and, inevitably, disappointment.

Talk about the most influential people or characters in your life you've never met.
(ThatNiceMan thought he was being funny, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:12, Reply)

deja vu
nice clean simple and full of familiarity
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 29 Nov 2011, 22:00, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Do you have pushy parents?
Did they make you do things you weren't interested in for your own good? Do they constantly remind you about how your siblings and cousins are doing much better than you?
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 14:28, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Emergency Services
tell us all your tall tales of bent coppers, hunky fireman and sexy nurses...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 24 Nov 2011, 13:00, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Devastating Put-Downs.
I once saw a former manager of mine being asked to 'sit down and let your mouth have a chance to speak' by his senior. What's the best heckle/putdown/riposte you've ever seen?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Misconceptions
The missus used to think 'Beastiality' just meant you liked animals better than people - she was half-right, I suppose, but the look of horror on her face when I explained the full meaning was a sight to behold.

What have you only recently found out you've been wrong about this entire time?
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 2:35, Reply)

A&E D.I.Y
I once fixed an ingrowing toe nail with a screwdriver and stanley knife. I did this so that I could avoid painkillers and go out on the lash. What's the most extreme lengths of D.I.Y doctoring you've ever done.
( Ya What Skiddlyboop, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:23, Reply)

I know a bloke
who thinks Mc Donalds are in business with pharmaceutical companies, to make people ill and fat so they depend on medical help. Whats the craziest conspiracy theory you have been told ?
(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Tue 22 Nov 2011, 19:37, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Hot summer day booze stories.
2 of my boys then about 27 and 29 were living in Calgary and one hot summer day were getting legless with several friends in an inflatable raft on the glacier-fed Bow River. One of the girls had to pee but no one in their right mind jumps into a cold glacier-fed river.

Oldest boy talks girl in to hanging her bum over the side to pee and as she does so he gives her a kiss on the cheek, saying, "Bet none of you ever kissed a girl when she was peeing.

Youngest boy instantly says, "I did once but she was 7 and peeing out of fear."

I gather they howled all afternoon and phoned Dad later to recount the story.
(wanker47614761, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Rediculous presents
My borther-in-law and his girlfriedn announced on Sunday that they are getting their 2-year-old an iPad for Christmas. It's "educational", evidently.

What outlandish presents have you bought, been bought or heard of someone being bought?
(ScousersPet, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 10:48, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)