Saucepan on the head? Snapped banjo string?
What misguided activities have resulted in you taking a trip to Casualty?
(Eukanuba, Thu 16 Feb 2012, 13:05, Reply)

Stuff you're not sure you believe but choose to anyway.
There's a man in my local whose rumoured to have had a go on Annie Lennox back before she was famous. Nobody is really sure if this is true or not, but everyone chooses to believe it anyway for mild amusement.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 16 Feb 2012, 12:43, Reply)

Different at home
I once shared an office with a very shy and quiet temp who turned out to be the official coach for a national Turkish weightlifting champion. Ever spent years alongside someone very unassuming, only to find out that their home life is exotic and/or stalky?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 10:30, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Blowback.
When did you try to help something and it all went wrong?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 14 Feb 2012, 22:22, Reply)

Culinary disasters
I once managed to set fire to a potato. Can anyone do any better than that?
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 18:12, Reply)

Greatest achievements.
What is the most awesome thing you've done?
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Mon 13 Feb 2012, 0:43, Reply)

TOPICAL
Let's get romantic. With Valentines Day fast approaching, tell us about your most horrific break-ups and failed love stories. Just so that I know it's not only me.
( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Thu 9 Feb 2012, 11:44, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Virgins of the world unite.
Why have you never lost your virginity? Do you cry when you wank?

Tell us your sweaty handed stories.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:42, Reply)

Unwanted houseguests
A couple of years back, my sister asked if she could visit for the weekend. A few days before she arrived, she mentioned she was bringing her friend Adam (who I didn't know from, er...) who was running in the London Marathon. And his mum. Come Friday night, as I was preparing to go out on the piss, this guy's mum is giving me grief because I haven't laid on dinner for them. Tell us your stories of nightmare visitors who overstayed their welcome. Or who weren't even welcome in the first place. Or just make something up.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 0:06, Reply)

Welcome to my world
Give us a glimpse of life as it is lived by you. It could be your average day - told with flair of course - or it could be a small (or big) incident that recently happened in your life that shines a light onto your existence.

Any mention of croissants and/or balconies will not be tolerated.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 15:23, Reply)

Oscar Winning Performances
A load of overpaid 'stars' are about to cover themselves in glory if they win an Oscar this month.

But what about your own, genuine, Oscar Winning Performances? When have you acted your heart out to avoid an outcome you didn't want? Have you talked your way out of a fight, talked your way into someone's bed or dodged a prison sentence in court? What moment in your life would you award yourself an Oscar for?

Let's celebrate our own, far superior acting skills and then maybe it will be bearable to see Clooney win best actor for that pile of shite - The Descendants.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 12:24, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What makes you awesome?
Have you done a burnout on your shitty scooter that your mates at college thought was amazing?
Did you jump your bmx a foot off the ground?
What things have you done that you think are totally awesome and everyone else needs to hear you brag about?

And no, you did not pick up 2 supermodels in your Honda Accord and then have a threesome
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Tue 7 Feb 2012, 3:36, Reply)

You've been blamed!
Tell us of times were either you've framed others or vice versa...
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Mon 6 Feb 2012, 21:35, Reply)

Random acts of kindness
Has anyone ever been nice to you, out of the blue, for no reason? Make me believe that the world is a better place than the media and experience suggest.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Sun 5 Feb 2012, 17:43, Reply)

What the fuck was THAT?
Intended to be evoke a moment but be broadly interperable for storytelling purposes, like the classic 'The Onosecond'. Come on b3ta, let's have something that doesn't second-guess our anecdotes. Not that I've got any but still.
(electricteeth, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 19:37, Reply)

Rant
Do the youth of today piss you off? Do old people driving grind your gears?

Get it off your chest, have a rant about anything and everything.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 12:06, Reply)

Clean.
Tell us your stories of tidy, spotless, dusted and mopped.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 11:57, Reply)

Mad science!
Tell the collective about your crazy concoctions, hacks and fudges; things that simply Should Not Work, but for some reason do. Chilli Coffee. Nine-wheeled bicycles. The combination cigarette-rolling/fellatio machine. Tell us of the tortured mental processes that lead you to the point of inspiration!

And for bonus points tell us what your spouse/partner/best mate said when the smoke had cleared and blood-stains were out of the wallpaper.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Fri 3 Feb 2012, 11:20, Reply)

What was/is your Big Plan?
When your teachers asked, "What are you going to do when you're a grown up?", what did you say? Did it work out? Are you really an astronaut? What made/ruined it for you?
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 17:32, Reply)

Sitcom-esque Moments...

What things have you witnessed or been a part of that are so bizarre that they would not look out of place in a cheesy sitcom?

NOTE - 'I work in an office like the one in The Office' posts need not apply
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Thu 2 Feb 2012, 11:24, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Family strife.
What family moment caused you to pull your hair out in frustration?
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 11:01, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Prison stories.
What hilarious things happened when you were banged up?
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 11:00, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Superheroes...

What acts have you done that would qualify you as a superhero? Any inexplicable feats of courage, strength or speed that made people stare at you in wonder?

Or...if you could create a superhero persona for yourself, what type would you be? I would like to be known as 'Captain Sex-tastic', but am painfully aware that I am a much more likely 'Mongoloid Man' :(
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 2 Feb 2012, 10:37, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Getting people wrong.
When Alan Partridge came out, I thought (genuinely - yes, I know - I'm remarkably thick) he was just another sub-Wogan talkshow host.

Thus to my surprise, on starting university, I was surprised by a girl trying to entice me to share my smoke with her by saying "You should come over to my room - I've got the Alan Partridge Christmas Special!", and reprimanded her fully.

Imagine what a fool I felt when I found out that, once again, a delicious slice of irony cake had completely failed to register with my immature brain.

Who have YOU got completely wrong, and why?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 9:55, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

have you ever saved a life?
or maybe stopped some one from being robbed or hurt by being in the right place at the right time?
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 8:17, Reply)

Filth!
Tell us your tales of grot, grime, dirt, detritus and mess.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 1 Feb 2012, 18:51, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

how you lost your virginity
this would definitely alienate the /talk mob
how would describe the moment your cheery was popped and where did it happen.
was it a rushed encounter before the parents got home or was it quickie behind the sand dunes on holiday or maybe your dad did it for you?
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 18:17, 6 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Last minute discoveries.
Ever discovered something just in the nick of time that saved your proverbial bacon? Or found it too late to be of any use?

Tell us about your last minute discoveries.
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 15:14, Reply)

The worst decision I ever made
That second pint of Pernod and Benylin? Shagging your boss's son/daughter? Agreeing to attend a three-day Peter Greenaway retrospective? Taking a job as a Manhattan office window-cleaner on September 10th 2001?

We've all made decisions which, in retrospect, cause a shudder of horror, a self-face-palm, or a little bit of sick to crawl up our throats. Tell us all about it, and why it went so horribly, awfully wrong.

Let us learn from your mistakes, so we can all repeat them exactly.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 12:29, Reply)

De JaVue
nice clean simple and full of familiarity
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 31 Jan 2012, 7:51, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)