The axeman cometh.
Sorry it's a RP but it fits this question better than it did the original...

Just some quick background...

I've been having a really bad week. Broke up with my fiancee and later discovered she'd cheated on me. I tell you this only so you can imagine my current mindset. For those who can't; I'm so down I'm positively subterranean. It feels like someone's died.

With that in mind, some further background...

I live in a big old house that's been converted to 3 flats. I'm on the ground floor, the top two flats are currently empty. The landlord of the flat above mine had his previous tenant disappear owing him rent so is in the process of changing the locks. This includes the lock on the main, communal front door. He changed the lock on Monday and promised to get me a key cut. Since then I've had to leave the front door on the latch everytime I go out.

Yesterday, my phone died while I was in work. It's a messy business breaking up with someone, there's a lot of texting and terse phonecalls involved. So I'm essentially phoneless. I arrive home with some bags of shopping to find that the door is no longer on the latch. It is locked. I have no key. And no phone.

After standing there aghast for a minute I think "Fuck it. It's that pillock of a landlord's fault I'm locked out, he'll just have to replace the lock again" and start kicking the shit out of the door.

After about 5 minutes of this, Paul arrives. I don't know Paul, he lives across the road from me. He looks a bit 'special'. And is carrying an axe.

"Alright mate?", asks Paul, "need a hand with that?".

I'm so grateful he hasn't come to behead me I say yes. I'm further grateful that he decides not to go all "Heeeere's Johnny!" on my front door but instead wedges the axe blade between the door and the frame and starts twisting it. "While I twist, you push the door, hard", he says. So I do.

After about 5 minutes of this Martin pulls up in his van. I don't know Martin either. But he looks like a builder.

"Oi mate!", shouts Paul. Who also doesn't know Martin. "You haven't got a crowbar in the back of that thing have you?"

"Yeah.", answers Martin, looking slightly wary. "Why?"

"Bring it over here!"

So that is the story of how me and two complete randoms ended up in a heap on my hallway floor having crashed through my front door and broken into my own home.

I'm inside my flat after thanking the guys. I put the shopping down and I know I'm about to cry. I'm sweating, worn out physically and emotionally and I can just feel it coming.

Then there's a tap at the window.

I pull myself together, pull back the curtain and see Paul stood outside. I go out to meet him.

"Hiya fella. I just been and told the wife what happened and she had a right good giggle about it. Wants to know if you'd like to come over for dinner?"

I could barely talk I was welling up so much. How lovely is that?

Never underestimate the kindness of strangers.
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 18:06, 10 replies)

Pls let part 2 be about the threesome
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 18:25, closed)

A hot, sweaty, and not entirely willing threesome.
with Paul and Martin.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 18:43, closed)

Something about an axewound.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 19:06, closed)

and forced entry.

(Sloppy Giuseppe, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 0:01, closed)

In the interests of championing "human nature"
Paul and Martin now have an easy way to get into your flat using offensive weapons.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 9 Feb 2012, 19:49, closed)

If you have an axe and a crowbar,
you can probably get in wherever you fancy.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 20:20, closed)

You forgot to mention the part where you started bleeding from your vagina.

(Blahh, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 23:32, closed)

Well worth creating an account for

(TheColonel, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 10:00, closed)

This is my 3rd accound. I like to switch it up a little.

(Blahh, Fri 10 Feb 2012, 10:29, closed)

Click for
I'm so grateful he hasn't come to behead me
(Victor Mildew going apeshit again, (aka, nightprowleroftheweb), Fri 10 Feb 2012, 4:34, closed)