flew up to leeds for a job interview
a couple of weeks ago, nice little 50 seater twin prop bombardier plane (they make lears) decent trip up despite having to wear a suit and get up at 5am. get above bradford and the sky goes black (pretty much how i knew i was above bradford) we start to descend, and despite the fact i quite enjoy flying the fact i couldn't see anything around me had me a bit panicky. not as panicky as a minute later as the cloud suddenly clears and we're at the edge of the runway and about 10ft up. clean landing by the pilot (who obviously has to fly through such smog on a daily basis) but when you can't see anything for a few minutes and then you've got concrete hurtling towards you it does knock you for six
(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 19:17, Reply)

last
This thursday, I took part in a 2-mile race. Out of 54 competitants, I came last.

But how did you know my name was Really Scared?
(mmmkay, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 19:06, Reply)

christ yes
oh my god, bob from twin peaks - that was, quite simply, the scariest freakiest snarlingest smilingest thing i have ever seen ever ever ever. (apart from maybe the bedsh1tter when he was feeling horny.) i couldn't sleep for MONTHS after watching twin bloody peaks. yes, he made my previous terror of watership down look like a nice group of family pets on a picnic.

argh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 18:51, Reply)

This story should really have gone in the Secret Santa QOTW, but I think it qualifies for this one.
Just over a year ago, I was committing slow suicide by working as a phone-monkey. When Christmas rolled around, one of the traditional customs was that of the 'secret Santa'. "What is this tomfoolery?" thought I, never having worked in an office before. It turned out to be a gift-giving ceremony where gifts were distributed randomly among the staff. Well, not entirely randomly; you were told to whom your gift was going, but the recipient was not aware of their benefactor's identity.

Now this whole rigmarole is all very well if the gift-givers are receptive to their beneficiary's tastes; my present went down well, as did most of the others.

Then I received mine.

Feeling through the paper, it seemed to be a box with an unidentifiable hard lumpy object on top of it; the box rattled slightly when shook. I couldn't work out what on earth it was. My imagination boggled until, giving in to sheer curiosity, I opened it very late on Christmas Eve.

All my guesses about what it was were proved wrong. It was a cheap plastic ball-gag and a pair of metal handcuffs (which were the knobbly bit). Odd, I thought, and in poor taste, but the truly frightening bit was yet to come.

You see, I found out when I went back to work later in the week that it had been sent to me not by a secret office dominatrix, but by a rank, greasy would-be date-rapist in the IT department with a severe body-odour problem.

I have never felt quite as ill as I did when I found that out.

What makes it even worse was that he had been under the impression that I was female (I am not, but my abbreviated name is common to both genders.) I dread to think what the consequences would have been had his recipient been a married lady with young children.

Even though he was (apparently) banned from ever taking part in subsequent secret Santas, I was very glad to leave that job (and that scummy dead-end town) shortly afterwards.
(FUCK OFF, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 18:37, Reply)

.
Me and two housemates smoked a couple, (which probably didn't help) then I went for a piss, and when I came back Hostel had been put on. Now if I'd seen the warning signs, like the blood near the start, or even the picture on the box, then I might have been either ready to watch it, or veto'd straight away. As it was, I settled back down and let it start to seep into my eyes. From what I could tell by half way through, it was panning out like a cross between Shameless and Road Trip, rude, funny and full of awesome boobies. (Seriously, that girl in the sauna is probably the hottest person alive.)

Then torture happened. TV immediately turned off. We aren't ready for bed and there is nothing else on, so for a while we seriously consider just re-watching the first half again.

However, someone mentioned a story they'd heard of a mates little (14) sister going to see something else, something girly no doubt, at the cinema, but 'accidently' being given a ticket for Hostel. It is decided that if a girl that young can watch it all the way through on a screen that big, three early 20's blokes should be able to watch it in the comfort of our own livingroom.

I wish we hadn't, I dreamed of torture and only torture that night.


Anne frank - yes, clowns! Unfortunately, I also hate mimes. So what happens last time I went to barcalona - I get singled out and followed by a fucking mime-clown. I shit you not. I tried to remain composed, but in the end I had to shout at him, very loud, making rather an embarrasing scene. Better than having to be in its presence for another moment mind.
(Daveh, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 17:55, Reply)

Apeloverage,
They give you smileys in the vague hope you'll be distracted long enough to not post shit in the QOTW, mate.

Just kidding :P
(Cheesecake Like a cake...But cheese, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 17:47, Reply)

Chalk
Last year I was out dry-tooling the chalk at Telscombe cliffs in Sussex. You can't climb chalk like regular rock 'cos it's too soft, so you have to use ice tools (axes and crampons), and none of the routes are bolted for sport climbing 'cos it collapses so regularly there's no point.

Anyway, I'm about 40m up having passed the overhung crux, feeling pretty chuffed when the axe I'm rather relying on with my right hand levers off a chunk of chalk which immediately plummets towards the ground with me desperately trying to catch it, falling falling falling...

Not the first time I've taken a big fall so I'm not too worried on the way down, until I feel my gear placements being stripped out overhead. Cack, I was relying on them to stop death (which is bad for you), I fall back past the overhang and thank holy cock, come to a stop with about 2m clearance to the ground, eye level with my belay who's gone whiter than the rock.

Alive I thinks, only to look up and see about a kilo of ironwork (the stripped gear) screaming back down the rope towards my face (nooooo!) so I lean back quickly to avoid face to metal interface only for a large cam to whizz past my face, and smack me square in the testes. Which hurts (if you want to see how much this hurts, kick a post-pubescent gentleman between the legs and he'll tell you). I wept like a yeast infected minge. That was quite a scary experience.
( Drunken Sod, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 17:40, Reply)

Hmmm, two that come immediately to mind.
The first happened when I was about 11. I had just gotten to know a kid from school, who I lived about 10 minutes walk from. Our parents thought it would be nice to be friends with him because he was a bit of a loner, and to tell you the truth, so was I. Anyway, we had gotten quite chummy, going round each others houses, watching videos etc., when one day he says his mum is going to let him stay up late and watch a film, and would I like to come watch it. "Sounds good" I thought, what was the movie? "Chucky". Oh, thinks I, having not the slighest clue what it was. The day rolls on, with me asking several people what the film was (including my mum), to be greeted with blank looks. So a 10 miunute walk in the dark later, I get to his house, and watch the fillum. It was the most terrifying experience of my life at that time, and I had a 10 minute walk home. Despite my pleading with my friend's mother, she wouldn't walk me home as she had work the next day. So 10 minutes walk back, in the dark, down deserted roads (no cars, no noises, nothing). I walk in the door, turn around and ARGHWHATTHEFUCKHOLYSHIT! There a fucking doll staring at me from the hall, almost the same height as Chucky! Turns out it was my aunts, who had brought it round as she thought I would like it. That took a lot of getting over.


The other is a lot more recent, and a lot more tame. You see, I suffer from paranoia. Call it an illness, or just a state, I don't know, but I get very easily paranoid. Anyway, with this in mind, perhaps it wasn't a good idea to watch a back-to-back marathon of Dawn of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead remake, Resident Evil, and 28 Days Later, at 2am whilst drinking lots of cola. I still have to sleep with the bedside light on. I'm 22.
(Bumsmells, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 17:40, Reply)

I am a BIG SHITEBAG!
I get irrational fear of flying. And yet I still do it. So the last time I was terrified was when I last flew, a flight to and from Belgium for a job interview. It was only just over an hour in the air though so I got over it pretty quick. However my inlaws decided it would be a fucking great idea to book flights for us all to Florida in April. I seriously don't want to go though. They are all laughing at me cos they think this particular phobia is just me kidding about but I am GENUINELY scared. They know I hate flying but just went ahead and booked it. And now my wife thinks I'm being ungrateful for not wanting to go! Can't win. I swear to God it's just not right, flying and being in a big machine full of petrol that might explode at any given moment 30000 ft in the air.

I'm actually really scared now, just because I've started to think about it! Fuckers! So there you go, the last time I was really scared was right now!
( Normanator Bad case of trapped wind since, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 17:08, Reply)

Clowns!
The only thing that really makes me scared is clowns! the one at blackpool pleasure beach is the one that started it i think, that demonic face smiling and laughing at you *shudders* in fact i don't really want to talk about it
(anne franks drum kit Vat is dis banging noise from ze attic?, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 16:56, Reply)

I've just had a post deleted for *not* having a photo of my cock in it.
I joined an 'erotica' bulletin board and for a larf went to the 'amateur photos' section and put the following photo with the title 'pussy worship':



Anyway, the 'scared' part of the story is the other photos...
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 16:49, Reply)

BoB
The nasty twisted person that was Bob from Twin Peakes scared the shit out of me first time i saw his twisted greasy haired weasley face peering round the end Laura Palmers bed.
(Darth Vegas Poke It With A Stick, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 16:42, Reply)

Just asking is all
but if I'm so damn unpopular, how come the mods let me have smileys and no one else?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 16:34, Reply)

Don't talk to "Frank"
I was watching a commercial on TV the other day to dissuade the younger generation from taking drugs. It said that if I had any questions I should "talk to Frank". Having a young teenage daughter I thought I would call and ask for his feelings on ecstasy.

Imagine my suprise at the reply:

"I feel my swollen testicles being restrained by my welling scrotum as my muscles tighten internally. My seed begins to flow and start its journey to the ultimate release. As it exits its passage I reach my plateau before slumping back, spent and satisfied"

Fucking Frank gets everywere. I was horrified.
(Mong The Merciless Older not wiser, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 15:16, Reply)

Arachnophobia, the silent killer
Arachnophobia is no laughing matter, literally 3 people every year are scared to the point of hysterics every day. Not so funny now, is it?
This is my story.

There I am doing the cleaning when I spied a monster spider, it was on the ground, by a nearby window. It was still, it could taste my fear and I knew it, I felt for sure that soon I would be dead. I did the only thing I could do, got a plastic up and placed it carefully over said demon before retreating as a squealing girly mess. Wife will be home, let her deal with it!
So she comes home, tell the story of how I was nearly eaten and she agrees to dispose of the spider. She however knows something I do not.
Next thing I know she's laughing like a lunatic, spider in hand and chasing me around the house saying things like 'it's going to get you'
I freaked out and once again screamed like a woman, before she let me in on the secret. Yes, that stupid movie cliche which never really happens happened. it was bloody plastic.
It had a bit of grass on it, it was by the window, it made sens in my brain. I can't remember being that scared ever.

Length? it had 8 of 'em.
(The Cosmic Fool Became aware that the bird is indeed the word on, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 13:38, Reply)

Persecution
The scariest moment of my life was when vork banned me from his little website.
:'(((((((((((((((
( butchbint, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 13:36, Reply)

Event Horizon
Watched this when I was bout eleven. If anyone has seen it then you'll know how scary it is, especially to an eleven year old. That was the only time I ever recall having a nightmare, so must have been pretty scared.

Although I did have a dream about been a soldier on D-Day with captain Winters (he of Band of Brothers) as my C/O. Pretty scary stuff, dunno why I dreamed that. This was only last week, aybe I've been watchng too many war movies and reading too much Stephen Ambrose.

Length? Action Man makes me feel inaddequate.
(Unauthorised Titbeak Length? Oh, erm.... a Country Mile?, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 12:59, Reply)

In Ancient Egypt.

Mind you, I am a dyslexic cat.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 12:30, Reply)

Never again...
I started a fire half-way down a hill in the middle of a grassy paddock full of old pine tree stumps. This fire was not started as a result of my being a sort of fire-bug, but merely as a novel way of keeping warm and possibly toasting some marshmallows on. Yeah, open-air camp fires are a thing of legend to me... or mostly, anyway. It was situated under several blackwood trees in a kind of pit with no way of escape, or so I thought.

So anyway, I suddenly realised I had to go back home for some reason, and rather than come back and have to start it all over again, I left it burning merrily. Since it was small I had no thought of it getting into the kindling I had nearby, though this 'kindling' was a full-scale dead pine-tree left over from Christmas and was about as incendiary as a firecracker.

I'm not exactly sure how the fire reached the kindling, and thus the outside world, but when I was back home I began to hear some voices outside calling about a fire downhill! I raced outside, and this is where I really got scared.

Roaring uphill was a huge fire, sending off an even bigger plume of white smoke. It was starting to eat up the paddock towards us, and was starting in on some dead blackberry patches and bracken, which seemed to be even better fire hazards than the pine tree (as I discovered must have been the cause of this later).

I raced around to the shed (my heart was racing even faster) and grabbed the first implement I could find, which was a shovel, and rushed downhill to meet the fire. At first I tried digging a shallow trench by lifting the sod away from the dirt, but this was extremely tough going and to my fevered mind much too slow - as the fire was inexorably getting up to me.

I also noticed it was starting to eat into the neighbor's and likely to attack their house and sheds, so I jumped over there and left the fire to swarm up and around our place, fearing the wrath of our neighbors more than the well-being of our tanks.

If I wasn't scared before, I became even more scared now when I ran up and down the long fence beating out flames that reappeared two seconds later. My hands were becoming blistered yet I kept smashing out the flames. I kept jumping back and forth, trying to stop its onward progress on the south and east flanks, and then noticed (by this time my legs were wobbly, my arms numb, and my entire body physically exhausted) that it was licking down the hill into the neighbor's pines! I worked my way down there on the outskirts of the fire and around that time the blood blisters which had developed on practically the entire surface of both my hands popped, leaving large raw areas of flesh on my hands and blood on the handle of the spade which you can still see, 6 years later.

Around that time I noticed that the fire crews had arrived, dimly through the smoke. I gave up and walked slowly back up the hill, uncertain how to face my family and neighbors...

---------------------

Actually, nothing really drastic happened as a result of the fire, and it actually cleared a paddock which had been needing a bit of a cleanup for years. The innumerable pine stumps smoked for months afterwards, leaving many areas of the ground hot and cavernous (had to watch where you walked). The neighbors seemed to forgive me pretty quickly for giving them a scare too, and my family let it rest after about a year. I can still remember the cold, naked fear I felt when I was facing that fire though. A similar feeling is like falling in a nightmare, though many times worse because it's real...

No question it was a respectable length - you could see the burnt strip from miles away!
(satellite blows, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 10:19, Reply)

QUOTE
I nearly shat myself.

isn't that what you're meant to do beforehand?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 9:44, Reply)

Last time I was truly scared
was about two nights ago.

My flatmate bailed me up in the kitchen with his guitar, singing Ronan Keating's 'When You Say Nothing At All' to me. Meaningfully. Eye contact and all. It was one of the finer homosexual moments we have had in that kitchen.

I nearly shat myself.
(brazzin, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 9:33, Reply)

ex-wife and my anniversary
On the 16th of october 1999 i was 16 and asked out my friend, who later became my wife 4 years later.... anyways after not talking for 2 years we start to be friends again, i told her i was buying a brand new motorbike and she freaked out (the wife was coming out again), i got the bike because its my life and she's my ex with no control of what i do, 2 weeks after picking my bike up i stacked it, which was the 16th october, i get into the hospital and go for x-rays, the nurse who took me from emergency to x-ray had the same name as my ex, laying in the x-ray room with my neck in a brace someone walks up and sits on my bed, my ex-wifes best friend works in x-ray at the same hospital i was rushed to..... sure gave me a fright
(suzukimick, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 8:20, Reply)

Again a Stephen King moment
A few years ago My Grandad had pneumonia and so was living with us and unfortunately sleeping in my bed. So other than the abject terror of my beloved gramps popping it in my beloved bed therefore never being able to use it again I was sleeping downstairs on a z bed. Not so scary I hear you say, I was reading the shining at the time and when I went to go to sleep one night after a pretty intense bit theres me lights off ready to go to sleep. Except for as I am starting to drop off I notice the curtain is twitching in the corner. It took me three hours to calm down to be able to sleep and the worst bit is that I KNEW that it was just the breeze from badly fitted windows.
(He of the Avenged Nipple, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 3:35, Reply)

shows how thick i am
and not a little pissed to be admitting this at this time after a night spent mostly "singing" karaoke...

my new flat has 2 bedrooms, mine and flatmate's. victorian flat, second floor, original doors and keys. my lock works, hers doesn't. now it so happens that one of the things i keep her around for is disposing of spiders, as those 8 legged pieces of pure evil terrify me more than anything. so one night the other week, she was out, and a mammoth spider was most definitely IN.

in my bedroom, to be specific. i clocked it as i was getting into bed, all warm and scented and relaxed after a nice bath. for a minute i froze, and we eyed each other. then the spider waved a leisurely menacing (leg? tentacle? it was the size of a hairy garden hose) and i was the one who scuttled off, straight into flatmate's bedroom. i got into bed and curled up into a little ball, absolutely convinced and terrified that it was going to come after me and do something awful.

i managed to fall asleep, but at about 3am i was jolted wide awake by two gunshots inside the flat. i nearly joined the bedsh1tter and shat flatmate's bed, i really did. surely the fucking spider hadn't managed to get itself a couple of sawnoffs? or had it? i was also convinced i could hear breathing and footsteps. i tried to breathe as if i were asleep, but it kept coming out all jerky and choppy. and loud. why had i never realised before that i breathe like an obscene telephone caller?

eventually i'd had enough. i had to investigate. i clambered out of bed and tiptoed down the hall. the dark was silent and enveloping. the flat seemed to be empty and i began to relax. then, as i got to the archway that opens onto the kitchen, there was another crack of gunfire. i screamed and screamed and clutched at the wall. then i figured hang on a minute rswipe, that can't possibly have been a gun...

i sniffed around the kitchen and finally opened the drinks fridge only to find that flatmate had turned it up waaaay too high, and three glass bottles of san pellegrino had burst like fireworks. this was annoying and messy but not life threatening. however, by this point my nerves were shot and i could still hear 137 burglars in the flat. i had the choice - share the bedroom that locked with the giant black spider of death, or lie alone and shaking in the one that didn't.

in the end, i put my ipod and wallet outside my flatmate's room as a peace offering to the burglars and lay shivering under the duvet...

only in the morning did i realise quite how thick and cowardly i truly am!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 3:04, Reply)

Chessington World of Adventures...
Sounded like a fun place to go during the summer of '05 with then girlfriend and her mates. NOT however, if like me, you've actually got a phobia of theme park rides. Wanting to face my fears and partake in the 'fun', I hid my initial concern so my g/f was none the wiser.
Paying at the front and walking hand in hand with her through the entrance to the park, I notice the 1st ride. I believe it's called the dragon's fury or something like that. Basically a rollercoaster that's a tea cup ride on steroids.

"Why has your hand gone all clammy?"
"Ummm.. dunno, do you want to go on that one?"
"Hell yeah!!"

And go on it we did. Four fucking times in a row. Once I even began the ride with my back to the initial climb. The fact I was screaming like a bitch was muffled by the other ladies equally screaming with gusto. After this I thought bring it on! Can't be anything worse than this. Went on a few more rides then we had some of the Colonel's secret blend of chicken herbs and spices.

Then someone suggested a ride which saw me launch a tirade of verbal abuse at anyone to stop the ride because quite frankly, a good time was not being had by I. The ride in question? Why, the bloody pirate ship!! Yes, the one that swings from left to right getting higher each time. Shocked looks from the group turned to full blown laughter. I felt somewhat vindicated that two of them felt sick after the ride was over.

My g/f christened me 'clam'.

The journey back home was in silence.
(Mister-Chris, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 3:03, Reply)

caffine
now that you mention it i did once over dose on caffene and get freaked out. after finding out that the fatal dose for humans is 1-4 grammes i decided to only take 2g in one go to be on the safe side.

Fucking hell it was like living in bullet time, I was racing about doing twelve things at once while seeing every one else moving in slow motion. What freaked me out was that my sence of perception had incresed like someone had reset my eys to max brightness and turned the volume all the way up.

what scared me was that during the wild high I discovered a crude form of telapathy , I could see tiny changes in body language that ment i could pick up on peoples mood from ten meters away. But what really scared me was i kept having strange sensations in my head sporadicly.

then it occured to me that my perception was so enhanced that i was feeling thoughts forming in my head before i knew what they were. that scared the fuck out of me.

after i crashed out and slept like a dead log it occured to me that i might just of had one massive migrane but was too hyper to notice at the time.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 1:41, Reply)

Most Haunted actually scary?
2 years ago I was living with 6 female flatmates and one of them had bought a 'Most Haunted' DVD. Two of them asked me into one of the rooms to watch it and I did so for a laugh, knowing it's all setup and over-acted.

It seems they didn't. At first I wasn't scared but as soon as I realised they would scream their tits off at the slightest noise on the show I began to get a bit jumpy myself. You could never tell when you were next going to get deafened.
(Moglet, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 1:09, Reply)

Peeled m'self off the ceiling
I was young.

My parents left for the evening. I curled up with a very creeeepy Stephen King novel (well, I was young. It was creepy then!).

Being late fall, it got dark relatively quickly. Soon, the only light in the house was the dim chairside lamp illuminating my page. Engrossed in the book, I fail to realize how very dark it has become.

Sooner or later, the book reaches its inevitable climax. The protagonist is being chased by the Evil. He feels the breath of the beast on the back of his neck, and then, with a faint, audible *plink!*, I am plunged into complete and utter darkness.

I jump completely out of my seat, heart racing, and dive for the lightswitch, momentarily convinced that the Powers of Darkness are out to get me.

Really.

Why the sudden darkness? At that exact moment, the bulb in the lamp next to me burnt out. Perfectly ordinary occurrence, but it scared the living poop out of me. I turned on every light in the house after that.
(herbivorous, Sun 25 Feb 2007, 0:20, Reply)