Me ex
She'd had a rough life and I'd known her for years, since I was a kid, but at the point we started seeing each other I hadn't seen her for about 7 or 8 years.

After going out together for a year we bought a place together. Well, I say 'we' but I paid the mortgage and she'd pay the bills, only I always ended paying it all.

The new place was 1/2 a mile away from where she worked, doing a very unchallenging admin job, but I still had a 45 minute commute up the m6. Not long after moving in she started her psycho ways and helped level her previous issues / past by slagging me off in public all the time when we were out with my mates - she didn't have any - and also every time we went to my folks.

Anyway about 6 months in, and I was basically in my first management position where I was a low risk appointment - no previous experience or anything - it was a last throw of the dice for our companies dot com operations and on a shit wage. If I failed there was no doubt we'd go the way of the rest of our companies online departments and be made redundant. So I worked all hours etc etc to keep mine and her's little corner of paradise alive. I got so stressed by the responsibility I had patches of hair fall out!

Anyway, things eased off and the department made profit at last, had a pay rise.

'Why don't you join a gym' said she, 'great idea' said I. So I did.

It was only a couple of weeks before she'd wake me up at 5.30 saying I should go to the gym as it would be quiet, I was looking so much better for the weight loss etc etc. So I'd go and run and swim like fook.

anyway, one of our offices was only 5 miles away from home so, one day, after doing a training session there I popped home for lunch, and there was a car outside my garage with a kids seat in - no strange thing as people often park wherever they can in the close.

She was unexpectedly at home, the key was in the door but I managed to get in. She greeted me wearing her nightdress with her bra still on underneath. She told me she was off sick for the day. I went upstairs to drop the kids off and some fecker was in the toilet. This fella came out without his boots on, exchanged pleasantries, said he had to leave and it was nice to meet me.

The lass told me she was off sick and the fella was her boss who'd come round to present the results of her recent appraisal. I commented on the boots thing and she replied that they have to do that at work as they can't get their overalls down to have a shit otherwise.

Fair enough. Thought no more of it.

Anyway, I ended up being encouraged to go to the gym more and more. In the end I sussed she was shagging around (well not so much sussed but finished work early and went for a pint in the local and the two of them were eating each other's faces off)So I made some enquiries via my bro who worked on the same industrial estate as the lass. Turns out this fella has a wife and two kids as well.

I toyed with phoning his missus and telling all, but backed off as it would cause more hurt than necessary - basically my lass had issues and bonded sexually with anyone who provided her with security. It had been her MO all her life.

I held no bitterness as she'd had it rough (kicked out of home at 15 when she told her jehovah witness folks she didn't want to be one, fucked up all her uni prospects, lived in a squat etc etc) and we made arrangements to sell the house. As things progressed with the sale I decided to buy it myself, as I could just about scrape the money. She took this as me fucking things up and phoned her boss who threatened to beat the shit out of me when I slept etc etc. Didn't enjoy living there quite so much and the last few weeks i ended up kipping with no duvet etc in the spare room (she confiscated the spare duvet off me as I didn't wash the pans up one night and therefore 'couldnt be trusted with her posessions'!)

Anyway to cut things short, the day that she moved out he dumped her, and made her redundant.

She turned to me via her mate who lived next door but one that very night.

I could have had a right 'told you so' rant and laugh but instead chose to point out why she had ended up in the situation, how couldnt she see that her fling was of any meaning and talked around / convinced her that she'd get through it and offered my support in looking for a new job etc.

As she was, in her own words, in no state I drove her back to her new place. She insisted on us having a combined housewarming / heartwarming drink and it wasn't a problem as I could have the couch. After a couple of bottles of wine, the couch wasn't good enough so she insisted on me sharing her bed.

Hands wandered over each other and as my hand got down towards her lady bits, (I could feel the fucking steam rising off it from 3 feet away FFS!) I realised this is exactly what she wanted so I turned over and went to sleep.

The next morning the mood had cooled and she wasn't so keen on showing her body off. Turned out I'd been right so off to work I toddled, stopping off home for a 'settler' on the way.

Cut to the next weekend and she and her mate come round mine and insist I go out. As the night goes on they end up competing for my affections. It was like that old fucking ad for Denim aftershave with hands rubbing me chest etc. Turns out they were after a threesome - well that's what my ex told me.

Again, putting my sensible wurzel head on I go home whereupon I didn't get a shag for three years.

I did however deliver local newspapers to her flat, to help her get a job, for a good two months afterwards, even though she wouldnt answer the door.


Regrets? Them papers cost me a fortune
(spike starski, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 20:59, Reply)

My niggest regret is that more people aren't as honest as digitalaxe

( Amorous Badger has left it minty for you., Thu 12 Oct 2006, 20:10, Reply)

That I didn't steal more.
Was quite the thief between 11 & 14 years. During the days of NO video cameras anywhere!

Regret not stealing more and wish I'd broken into homes instead of just 2 businesses.

Was a rank amateur. Only petty thievery now, but I still like it.
(barrycounty, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 18:49, Reply)

My liddle regretty wetty.
I regret baby talking down the phone to my girlfriend, without realising that the biggest wind-up merchant in my company had just sat down behind me.

"Widdle kinky butt" has now been entered into the office lexicon.


Apols for the length of time I'll now have to wait for a promotion.
(MrTea, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 17:59, Reply)

Poor sign, porcine..
Getting up at 4.30 this morning to wrestle steaming swine in a bath of shite. Still, at least I got to go home later, the poor fellows will be part way to bacon by now.

1st postery? Tis but a cherry popped.
( infi_DEL touching ham in a professional capacity since, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 17:19, Reply)

my biggest regret
is posting in here with no funny story to tell :(
(djgalaxe, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 16:25, Reply)

Bye Bye Bi
I regret ever having gone out with this ridiculously stunning bisexual girl, who, despite me thinking we'd been together for 6months, has just broken up with me saying we "were never together as far as she knew" over Myspace because she has been seeing a girl for the last month. So I regret:

*meeting her
*having a Myspace
*spending ludicrous amounts of money on her
*being stupid enough to think I'd found a girl who wasn't a nutcase.


length. she isn't into it anymore.
(A Good Egg, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 16:07, Reply)

after being on here a while...
... i realised that i didn't have a clue what

TubGirl
LemonParty
MeatSpin

was... My biggest regret is typing it into google... instead of just asking someone!

thankfully i'd seen goastse years ago!
( hubare wants to organise a bitterbash :(, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 15:59, Reply)

NEXT
....................................
(frankspencer, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 15:43, Reply)

p0zitron
Bt3a saves another life!

Right now you feel good go chuck the bitch out!

New question tomorro? Fucking hope so!
(ruud316, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 15:33, Reply)

Currently my greatest regret
is that this fricking QOTW is still up
(><(((">, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 15:30, Reply)

Last Night..
I regret drinking 5 pints of beer, watching Scotland get humped AGAIN at football, then leapfrogging my way down Buchanan Street in Glagsow, only to fall flat on my asre outside a packed chippy beside Central Station.
I have bruises to prove it all happened and it wasn't just a baaaad dream.
If any of you out there know the kind gentleman who laughingly asked if I was OK, thank you for your concern. I no longer drink Furftenberg.
(earplugsdont _work and I'm fed up listening., Thu 12 Oct 2006, 15:28, Reply)

yikes
When did B3ta turn into an online support group?
BRING ON THE NEXT QUESTION
( browser in your trouser, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 15:21, Reply)

Thanks
While I kind of regret posting my story last night, just wanted to say thanks to all B3tans for those comments, came as a bit of a surprise.

:-)
(p0zitr0n - phunarmically charged particle, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 15:04, Reply)

Latest Newsletter
I regret Wikki'ing "meatotomy".
I didn't need to hear about that :(
(Darth Thump, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 14:59, Reply)

i remember
we used to mercilessly tease this girl at school, she used to come in for a day, go home in tears and not appear for a few months. feel bad about it every now and then when badly drunk and feeling maudlin about life in general

but then i was a right little shit at school.

No great stories of fucking up a possible relationship with a stunning bisexual nympho with money to burn either sorry.

Hohum, first post so total lack of length, girth and other such comments
(Halfy Danny Dyer can just fuck off, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 14:49, Reply)

is that you mother?
I'm starting to regret my liquid lunch ..
(flibbley lame balloon man far and wee, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 14:38, Reply)

I regret never completing Sonic 2 on the Megadrive!
Last Boss: Jump on his head, dodge, repeat. It really was that simple but somehow I'd always fuck it up and would have to start the ENTIRE fucking game again!

Dr. Robotnik is a fat ginger cunt!
(Minty Hit, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 14:08, Reply)

Positivity schmositivity
What's all this "look on the bright side" and "live and learn" crap?

Regrets are great because they give us an excuse to whine and bitch and be bitter. That's what we love! I'm not feckin' Oprah Winfrey!
(frankspencer, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 14:06, Reply)

unlawful odour, yep it is!
p0sitr0n, although my situation wasn't as shitty as yours is now cos my ex didn't shag about (I think), I can honestly say that if you leave things as they are and don't take some action to ditch her, she'll walk all over you!

Get rid and get your life back on track, it gets better pretty quickly, honest!
(El Cabron, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 14:00, Reply)

p0zitr0n
For what it's worth I too had a wife habitually unable/incapable of taking any responsibility for the state of a relationship where two people weren't happy and she too made my general existence a living hell. For that of course, I blamed myself as I must surely have done something bad in order for this to happen.

When we split I felt like shit. Really. For two weeks.

All of a sudden I realised how much more interesting life was not to have ex-Mrs PJM around making my life almost unbearable and actually began to take pleasure in being a human being again for the first time in years.

There most definitely is life on the other side. Don't blame the other guy - if it wasn't him it would be some other poor schmuck. Your missus was the one who knew the score and who betrayed you.
(PJM Per effluvia, ad astra, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 13:46, Reply)