I needed a lift - it was getting dark, was starting to rain, and I was in the middle of bloody nowhere. This wasn't good.
A car pulled up thank feck, and I ran to it - the driver was an old chap - probably in his early to mid 60s.

We set off, and he started telling me about his hip replacement. I listened politely, and drifted off into the passing scenery, watching the countryside slide past in streaks of green and grey. He was telling me about how to exercise he had to carry his mate on his shoulders for half an hour each day, wasn't that something, eh? He bets I can't do that.

"Hmm?" I say, "Oh - sure."

"I'd like to see you try."

"Of course."

And so ... he pulls over. What?

"Get out" he said, "And carry me on your shoulders."

"What?!"

"Carry me on your shoulders. Or not - I can go if you like."

Oh for fuck's sake. "We're in the middle of nowhere ... !" I protest.

"Well then it's probably best if you prove you can carry me on your shoulders." he responds.

"OK then" I reply, crouching, "Hop on."

He straddles my shoulders, I stand up, and start walking 'round the car.

It's at that point I start to feel his little fellah against the back of my neck, starting to harden.

I drop down and land him "FUCK YOU" I say, "I'm walking."

I spent the night under a tree, with only my cigarettes to keep out the chill.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:32, 4 replies)

That is...unsettling, weird as fuck....funny. Have eine kleine clickchen
(tyrellsOwl, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:36, closed)

*Fwaps*

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:54, closed)

I don't care if this is true or not.
*click*
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Sat 16 Jul 2011, 1:37, closed)

You're the new spankyhanky

(Stiltzkin, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 15:06, closed)