Well, I thought things would get better when I left Wales...
My lovely neighbours there really were treasures. 'Mam' was a scowling, potty mouthed yellow toothed hag who paid for taxis in a, ahem, traditional manner. I lost count of the number of Sunday mornings that saw shell shocked cab drivers leaving that gauzily clad (well, barely clad) trophy on the doorstep as she cackled goodbye.. ‘Tra love, come again.. Cackle cackle phlegm cough’ *shudder*they didn't even have the excuse of beer goggles so I don't know how she managed it.

Further evidence of their delightfulness was evidenced by the ashtrays overflowing into the dog poo, arranged nicely on the duvets; the collection of animals that were lovingly brought home and abandoned mere seconds afterwards to roam the streets/gardens with their slack, rabid jaws hanging open. Their thieving robbing children were similarly slack jawed, though I don’t think that was rabies induced. More like scurvy, malnutrition and, oh yeah, total fecking stupidity. They stole from everyone on the street (and then left their loot in their front garden, further illustrating their supreme mental faculty by not.realising.the.neighbours.would.see…) and on hitting 15 either got pregnant or impregnated some other poor sap.

'Da', whose dental state was matched only by that of wifey, sensibly moved out, just returning occasionally for the odd screaming row and throwing of furniture. You did not want to get in the way of them, ever. The worst was when i got home one night to find my dear old mum tucked up terrified in bed - one of their teenage 'friends', who would now be the proud owner of an asbo or three, had commented graphically and at length on the size of her 'hole'. I lost my fear at that point in a moment that proves we will do pretty much anything for those that share our genes. On entering their filth laden hovel, I think i made it clear that terrorising middle aged women was not acceptable behaviour and that murder would ensure should it continue.

I'm still glad i did that.

But anyway, since living in England, I've yet to find such quality neighbours. The closest since were a bunch of Polish people (who were actually quite nice, and no i'm not a xenophobic dastard) who seemed to think nothing of sleeping 8 people to a room and swarming up the exterior wall (they were on the first floor) if they forgot their keys...

I really feel I should make some comment about length now.. let's just say this is the longest I've known for a while...
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Thu 25 Aug 2005, 14:51, closed)