Gracie Fields turns in her grave
It was 1979, and national treasure, Gracie Fields, had just died. (Look her up if you're too young.) Oop north (where this happened) she was even more revered.

The head of the sixth form thought that the sixth-formers should be allowed to devise their own assemblies, with a "moral message". This particular class's teacher had (unwisely) let them get on with it.

The hall was darkened. The strains of the funeral march began, and four 17-year-olds solemnly marched through the hall to the stage, bearing a cardboard coffin which they placed upright onto a rocking chair.

The music segued into Gracie's greatest hit, "Sally In Our Alley". We're all sitting in the audience thinking, "Shit, this could go very very wrong..." We had no idea.

From the wings leapt a manic Keith Ballard, the sixth form's most, ahem, flamboyant student, dressed in basque and stockings, a la Frank N Furter, and wielding a whip. "You bitch, Gracie!" he screamed at the coffin, and began to flail at it wildly with the whip. "You total bitch!"

It got no further. The sixth form principal leapt on the stage crying , "Stop this at once!" He lined up the miscreants and demanded an explanation. "Exactly what sort of moral message. or thoughtful insight was this supposed to convey?" Even Ballard could not talk his way out of this one, and mumbled "Dunno sir," with the rest of them.

Assembly ended early. Easily the most memorable I ever attended.

Postscript: Keith Ballard went on to the National Youth Theatre, but died tragically young.
(Hurple Pelmet, Fri 14 Jun 2013, 15:04, 7 replies)

AIDS?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 14 Jun 2013, 15:10, closed)

No thanks.
(The Ghost of Stephen Foster, Fri 14 Jun 2013, 16:25, closed)

Crikey, I'm listening to Squirrel Nut Zippers right now.
That there song, in fact.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 14 Jun 2013, 16:29, closed)

Excellent choice. Have you seen the video for that one? Fucking awesome.
(The Ghost of Stephen Foster, Fri 14 Jun 2013, 16:36, closed)

the grandfather, of a friend, had Gracie as his inamorata
for many, many years.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 14 Jun 2013, 20:55, closed)

Do you think her greatest hit inspired this song?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8M2bxoGbgY
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 14 Jun 2013, 22:16, closed)

I am sure if they had dropped Gracie Fields
by parachute onto Berlin instead of all those bombs, Hitler would put his hands over his ears and surrendered instantly. She had a voice like a circular saw.
(Mackeson_drinker, Sat 15 Jun 2013, 14:27, closed)