piston_broke
I'm from Michigan and it is not illegal to pass out on a fridge.

It is illegal to pass out on anything below freezing, such as a freezer, girlfriend or wife.
(barrycounty, Thu 28 Dec 2006, 22:41, Reply)

i once fell aspleep
on a footstool while sitting upright, not exactly a weird place but it freaked everybody out, plus while on holiday and really drunk i tried to go to bed in the bathroom but i dont think that counts cuz i got interrupted and pointed in the direction of a bed
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Thu 28 Dec 2006, 22:05, Reply)

Strangest place to sleep?
Well, I once passed out on a fridge. Sadly not in the US (some random state- Michigan, I believe) where this is illegal however.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 28 Dec 2006, 18:09, Reply)

Response to both QOTWs
A previous job had the kind of Secret Santa where, as described in earlier posts, you either unwrap a gift, or take a gift that someone else has already unwrapped.
I initially brought an AOL CD, but thought better of it and quickly wrapped several GB worth of DAT tapes that I had found in the trash several months earlier and had no use for. Still crap, still cost me zero. I hated that job.
The gift I opened was called a "Tater Twirler" and was a potato-spinning contraption used to make curly fries. Someone "stole" it from me later in the gift exchange. I was sad, but honestly if I had kept it I probably would never have used it to this day, and that was in 2002.

Strangest place I've ever slept: In a Japanese -style garden. Like them now, even have a miniature one on my desk. But when my mother drug me to one at 13, I was so bored I refused to walk through it anymore, and went to sleep on a bench. I heard a little boy ask his Dad why I was sleeping there, and the Dad just replied "Must have been a long day".
(chase, Thu 28 Dec 2006, 15:49, Reply)

Topical
You may relate to this in your current state, Lardaholics. I once had a snooze underneath my desk during the hideous "Chrimbo Limbo" week as I like to call it. I had been forced to attend work on 29th December and had the most massive hangover ever endured. I therefore made a nest out of the cables under my desk and curled up there with a purple novelty hippo bath cushion as a pillow.
(Mad McMad, Thu 28 Dec 2006, 14:11, Reply)

In
Your mum
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Thu 28 Dec 2006, 12:34, Reply)

in
your mum's bed
(Handel blah blah blah, Thu 28 Dec 2006, 11:49, Reply)

New QOTW
Now I realise that there isn't going to be a new QOTW as yet, but I am hungover, bored and stuck at work. I have caught up with all my blog subscriptions, checked my online banking, dealt with all my e-mail and it is looking like I may actually have to do some work soon. That won't do. Not at all, so I have decided to do something about it.

So, without further unnecessary verbiage, taken randomly from the QOTW sugggestion page:

Where is the strangest place you have slept?

ObStory: Best Secret Santa present at this office was a set of rubber gloves and a bottle of Fairy Liquid to the guy that always complained about being part of the washing-up rota.
(lardaholics anonymous, Thu 28 Dec 2006, 11:37, Reply)

thanx grandad
when i was 17 the walls of my bedroom were natualy covered on images of half naked FHM women (pamela anderson etc). my grandad had obviously noticed this and took it into account when considering what i would enjoy for christmas.

upon opening his present that year infront of the whole family, to my embarresment the gift i recieved was a porn calander (leather fetish). if i wasn't embarressed enough i was also then told by my grandad "eh, you know where to come if you want some proper stuff! i can get proper pornos me!"

from then i quickly grew out of having FHM posters on the wall.
(sweatytramp, Thu 28 Dec 2006, 10:13, Reply)

I went to Loogabarooga for Christmas







...shall I come back even later?
(><(((">, Thu 28 Dec 2006, 6:46, Reply)

They never learn
Work in a bookshop specialising in business and law. (Even duller than it sounds.)

For the third year running we've given the boss a book on 'management in your first 90 days.' We just wish he'd read it, but reading isn't part of his 'skill-set' apparently. Any more than 'not being an incompetant pompous twunt' is.

Next year we're gonna hafta get him a book on euthanasia. With pictures.
(Mr Steve is jobless and fancyfree!, Thu 28 Dec 2006, 0:34, Reply)

Present Reflects Personality
Im a computer geek who sits at his desk and eats a lot of kfc... what did I get for secret santa ? ... a squeaky rubber chicken and "the little book of geeks"

Thanks Guys

PS.. no im not fat from the kfc...

just right length thanks
(maxumus HEY!.... diddly dee, de de de de de de, Wed 27 Dec 2006, 22:51, Reply)

secret santa - a nuns best pressie
My Ex-Girlfriend was working for a homeless charity years ago,the time came to secret santa so my ex gave the head nun a dildo....hehhe
(monkeybot, Wed 27 Dec 2006, 13:24, Reply)

.....Secret Santa in a new job .....fucksox
Well there I was, the new bloke, just posted in before Christmas and didn't know anyone ( as you'd expect ) apart from one bloke I'd met briefly a couple of years ago. Anyway Secret Santa was a new concept for me as the only time I give things to people I don't know/like is when I get taxed every month.

surpise of surprises I got the bloke I hardly knew for my secret santa gifting extravaganza. I think the limit was five quid. The only thing I really knew about this bloke was that he was of the ginger persuasion, and he had a wife and some kids.

So ..ginger..funny for a start anyway...so I bought him a packet of "ginger Nut" biscuits. Fcuking genuis.

And cheap.

Anyway Christmas came early at work and Secret Santa was called, prezzies were exchanged, I got novelty socks, wooo hoo.

giger boy opened his ginger nuts biccys, much derision was poured on the tight fecker who'd only spent a pound or so ( damn right )

But apparently his missus thought it was hysterical, turns out he'd had the snip a month before ......and therefore technically had no "ginger nuts" to speak of
(polar69, Wed 27 Dec 2006, 12:11, Reply)

I had a new Secret Santa gift......
...a calendar of Jamie Oliver. Cunt.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 27 Dec 2006, 8:01, Reply)

Kris Kringle
oh this year i got my friend the best presents.. i got her 3 pairs of big old granny underwear and 4 banana condoms (coz i didnt like the flavour) and a tube of Vagasil... i then had to avoid her family for the rest of the night because they werent happy
(snowwhitesarah, Wed 27 Dec 2006, 7:33, Reply)

What to buy!
had the usual £5 limit, couldnt decide what to buy, and usual crap of tin of roses from Tescos, cheap wine, vibrator/etc didnt appeal.

So had a look around and ended up at www.oxfam.org.uk/, paid £1 more and donated £6 to buy 100 school dinners for some african school.

You receive a card which explains about it in an envelope, about CD size.

this is where the story comes in, i got a cardboard package that you use to send CD's in the post, stuck the envelope in that, sellotaped it up (badly) and stuck a badly cut out print of father christmas.

so it was small, looked shit, and i knew people were commenting on the shitty secret santa gift.

The MD had it, but he wasnt in, so it was unopened, but I explained to the secretary what it was, her face was a picture when she realised the shitty present she was expecting wasnt that!

also didnt have to trapse around the shops looking for it!
(HomerJH, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 20:51, Reply)

I don't fucking believe it
I've been impressing my mates with tons of sick jokes, taught to me by b3ta, for months now. I've asked them

- what's the difference between 5 dead babies and a ferrari?
- what's the first symptom of AIDS?
and
- what's purple, covered in pus and squeals?

and had them in stitches. So what do they fucking get me for christmas? THE B3TA BOOK OF SICK JOKES. What a shit fucking present, I've read all the jokes! They had no idea that I was getting them from b3ta, they just thought it was appropriate for me, so now I've got a book that I've read through online already.

Why was Jesus so popular with the ladies? (best penis joke to end a post ever).
(mmmkay, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 20:43, Reply)

Secret Stealer
When I was at sixth form we did a Secret Stealer one year.

We each pulled names out of a hat and the object was to shoplift a gift for that person. I don't remember what I procured but you could tell which shops were known for their lax security by the plethora of trinkets from a select few outlets in town.

I have often tried to revive this as a Christmas tradition but no one seems to want to take up the challenge.
(atomkinder is deeply unfashionable, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 13:43, Reply)

Student Laziness
Ah, Secret Santa. Nothing more fun than giving someone shit you don't want, or stuff you've dragged up in the discount bins of a charity shop. This year, our little uni flat drew names at random, and each of us allocated a flatmate to buy stuff for. Being a bum, I put it off to the very last minute, at which time I'd forgotten. So cue all of us gathering in a nice circle, exchanging presents, and comes my turn:

me: I forgot...
Her:What do you mean "I forgot"?
me: I forgot to buy you a presnt.. Will *looks in wallet* a fiver *rummages through pockets* some headphones and a pen i nicked from work do?
Her:... Probably.
I come back a few hours later, she's left the pen and the headphones on the floor. The cheek of some people!
(Mead129, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 1:42, Reply)

Rodney
the office queen. well known for dogging, swinging and all things deviant.

he was bought a blow up doll, a single marigold washing up glove and a condom.

he booked himself out as "working from home" that afternoon.
(Stonkwood Pipes made me do it, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 0:06, Reply)

Coal
Mong - Your kids eat coal?? Bloody hell, in my day we were lucky to get a PICTURE of a lump of coal on Christmas day....
(niknak, Mon 25 Dec 2006, 22:25, Reply)

Santa is a complete and utter barstard
Dear Santa,

I won your "If I was Joel Veitch" contest and my prize still hasn't arrived.

Now my kids must starve as I was going to sell it on ebay to buy them coal for Christmas.
(Mong The Merciless Older not wiser, Mon 25 Dec 2006, 14:56, Reply)

Merry Xmas one and all....
But more to the point, Humpty, would you consider selling your *cough* ornaments ?

Long time lurker etc...
(Mr. Monkey, Mon 25 Dec 2006, 1:23, Reply)

Woooooooooooooo
HAPPY CHRISTMAS MA BEAUTIFUL B3TANS!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOO WOOOOOOO
oh yea story i have none sorry jus wnted to be festive!!
(Fluent In Bentish Living in Scatman's World, tis being fun!, Mon 25 Dec 2006, 0:00, Reply)

B3ta Christmas.
Once, I picked B3ta for my secret Santa. I left a bag of flaming poo outside of B3ta Towers.

Funny thing was, though, the lazy bastards picked my name too, and didn't get me anything, not even a new QotW.

Shame.
(Fodqou, Sun 24 Dec 2006, 23:11, Reply)

Bit late now . . .
I was in Bookworld or Bargain Books or one of those cheapo book places that are permanently haveing closing down sales today and I saw a copy of Eddie Large's autobiography for 4.99. Would have been a great secret santa pressie. Always next year I suppose. . . .
(garrison, Sun 24 Dec 2006, 21:10, Reply)

Humpty's Home Made Objects
I'm meant to be doing secret santa with humpty this year

I've got him booze,

Looking at his post below, I am VERY worried!


Happy Christmas B3tards...
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Sun 24 Dec 2006, 19:26, Reply)

Evenin...
Ima jus a lil curious about 2 things
1) how comes the b3ta gods have time to remove our posts which arent really posts but havent had time to change qotw?
2) which b3ta god actually has the almighty power of removin out non-post posts?

N a lil story....
my mate has jus informed me that the one grey lonely sock that he recived for secret santa this yr did have a partner it was given to another barman at the place he works last yr...so between them they have recieved a pair of grey socks from their secret santa

Happy Xmas everyone!!!!!!!! N dont forget to put out the mince pies or santa wont be happy n will only give u one sock!!
(Fluent In Bentish Living in Scatman's World, tis being fun!, Sun 24 Dec 2006, 17:06, Reply)

i have just got back from work...
and have been beavering away...

www.pichotel.com/pic/5760vcBwB/104909.jpg

Feast your eyes on those puppies... two are aluminium, one is stainless... time to anodise them i think :o)

The one on the left is a present: not exactly s asecret santa one.. the other two are to keep in the extensive armoury of humpty-made tools at home.

teh large ribbed one.. not sure if it'll be useful... but the image of giving it to my granny makes me giggle...

... it's gonna be a good xmas ;)

EDIT....

How many people have 50 liters of sulphiric Acid in thier kitchens? I've just anodised the aluminium ones... :o)
www.pichotel.com/pic/5760vcBwB/104931.jpg
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Sun 24 Dec 2006, 15:35, Reply)