The unkindest cut of all
Many years ago, before it became fashionable, I persuaded her that pubic depilation was a great asset to my obsession, oral sex, and that I was just the man to perform the introductory shave. Given that it was such a jungle down there, I explained that it would all have to be thoroughly trimmed before applying the razor and, despite her initial protests and misgivings, I took a pair of nail scissors and began Operation Close Shave.

It was all going very well until I was trying to daisycut the stubble to a length that I thought would suit the highest-tech two-blade razor that was available. I'd almost finished Stage One when I noticed a couple of stragglers and lined the scissors up perfectly to trim them as close as I could get them.

The resultant scream as I snipped her left flap had to be heard to be believed. I didn't know screams could be that piercing. Or that she could punch that hard.

It probably would have been better had we not attempted this whilst coming up on some good acid. Still, you live and learn. At least she had something to remember me by that had longevity and wasn't a baby.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Tue 24 Mar 2015, 23:23, 12 replies)

fobtqofgm

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Mar 2015, 23:35, closed)

something about your grandmother

(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Tue 24 Mar 2015, 23:48, closed)

Welcome to the new b3ta - the home of sanctimony.

(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 0:19, closed)

I don't get the tone of the last phrase - is it pride or sheepishness?

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 25 Mar 2015, 0:59, closed)

Certainly not pride
- Probably sheepishness mixed with a crap attempt at being wry at having done something so stupid when we were both pretty much off our tits. And naturally I exaggerated the effect - she had a noticeable nick which I always thought was quite charming, although I can understand her not agreeing. We lived together for several years after this happened so I was obviously forgiven. We still speak occasionally and when this cropped up in a recent conversation she seemed more than satisfied with the punch she gave me in return (which fucking hurt, I can tell you).
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 1:52, closed)

This made me wince.
I would have used a beard trimmer, although I can't see my missus letting me near her parts with that in my hand.

with that in my hand
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:16, closed)

reminds me of this classic
b3ta.com/questions/goingtoofar/post65726
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 10:29, closed)

I got a few too many nicks when I ran the beard trimmer over my sack.
I can't imagine what it'd have been like with a proper razor.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 11:51, closed)

It never fucking stops bleeding
...or so I heard
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 12:21, closed)

Do you know, I can't really remember.
I don't recall that much blood, thought that could be due to her knocking me sideways. I do remember we didn't have sex for a while, though. As you might have guessed.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Wed 25 Mar 2015, 16:02, closed)