Happily Ever After
I thought that when people fell in love they'd have wondrous sex and be all happy and bluebirds would sing around their bedhead as they consumated their beautiful relationship in sunlit sheets and glorious passion. They'd live happily ever after as best friends with a hot sex life.

The reality...

Scenario 1: you meet someone, you have drunken sex; later you have sober sex, it's okay - nice, and you have all those new relationship hormones buzzing around; you like them, you fall in love, the sex is okay; it tails off, you have a very loving but asexual relationship. Touching them feels wrong because you're so close to them it's practically incest, and not in a good way. You can't do sex but you can do love.

Scenario 2: you meet someone, you have drunken sex, it's dirty as fuck, it's hot and it's amazing; later you have sober sex (though it's better drunk); your relationship is a trainwreck, you can't call it love, you don't know what's happening emotionally but you can't be in the same room as them without tearing off their clothes; you exhaust each other in a perpetual state of mutually assured destruction, but the sex is AWESOME. You can't do love but you can do sex.

My psychiatrist is making a fortune.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:39, 33 replies)

This^^
Sooo true.

Especially the second one.
I was 21, she was 29. She'd had a tough life, been raped twice and had two suicide attempts. I'd come out of a disastrous marriage and was emotionally fucked.

What a trainwreck of a relationship, but the sex. Oh god, the sex...
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:44, closed)

I have swung between these two scenarios
for all of my adult life. I am working on a middle ground at present. It seems to involve no talk of emotions but lots of hot but meaningful sex. The secret seems to be living happily now instead of planning happily ever after.

Now that I've just worked it out, it'll probably end tomorrow. :(
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:47, closed)

I did have a happy medium (with many happy endings)
But we broke up a year ago.

Not wanting to spell doom and gloom for you CHCB, more saying that you can have both, and it's all good!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:54, closed)

harr
It's not just me then
( scoshi pretending to diet since, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 17:00, closed)

It's like you described my life!
Scenario 2: ex-girlfriend. Amazing, frequent and dirty sex. But she was an emotional disaster on stockinged legs. Told me she wanted marriage and kids after a month of seeing each other. Liked to keep me guessing when she went out with male friends but went psychotic if I even mentioned talking to another woman. Messed me up and ended up making me think I was to blame! Great sex though.

Scenario 1: my current girlfriend of three years. Sex once a month if we're lucky but it doesn't matter because I love her. Occasionally she gets drunk on vodka and we have the amazing sex but otherwise it's a comfortable relationship of going out for dinner, weekends away and me carrying her clothes shopping.

The question has to be though: which is the best?
(Ghostlight, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 17:02, closed)

I can never work out which is best
But I'm currently in my seventh month of voluntary monogamy and am in the first relationship for absolutely ages where I don't feel trapped, possibly because he's even more wary than me. Sometimes I'm panicking over the lack of spoken emotions; other times I'm just gazing at him thinking "I adore him so much and if I don't jump on him right now it's very possible I might die from desire". That seems to average out into something thing vaguely balance-y...
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 17:22, closed)

you probably already know this
in fact from what you (or someone) said above about enjoying the present you do know it

don't over analyse (hehe anal)

my other half and I have a great, loving relationship, not as much action as I would like, but I've come to terms with that.

the weird thing is though, that we don't argue, we'll have these weird periods, and then have a lengthy and tense discussion via email while we are at work. sort things out, agree some stuff, and by the end of the day everything will be awesome.

it's fucking weird, but it works.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 17:52, closed)

yup
my blokey and i are like that.
we have a long distance thing going. he lives in holland, i'm in the uk. we see each other for a week once a month and it's like a new relationship every time.
we've been together nearly 2 years now, so it's working out ok.
we do that whole weird period sorted out with an email thing too.
if ever we move in together, though, it will turn into scenario 1.
( gypsy turnips, Sat 27 Sep 2008, 16:23, closed)

*sigh*
Yep, I'm in a scenario 1 relationship right now.
Have a click.
( VandenPlas can't think of anything clever - no change there!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 17:25, closed)

Scenario 2
All the goddamn way.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 17:28, closed)

Aww noes
Scenario 2 for me and my ex... which is why he's an ex, goddamit. Nail on head there, CHCB.

When we split my mum gave me lots of good advice. I told her how much I admired the relationship she has with my stepdad as they are one of the most sorted couples I've ever seen.
"I don't know why" she said "we never talk about anything..." ... and then...
"Hmm, think I've just answered my own question"
She then expounded the theory that you're still the same people whether you talk about things or not, and everything passes anyway, so why bother?

Seems to work, maybe that's the secret?
Just a shame the advice came a year too late...
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 18:44, closed)

^This!
This and: just because you're with someone doesn't mean you have to take responsibility for them. They are their own person. Don't try and change them. Or control them. Just get on with life and enjoy them for what they are.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 19:26, closed)

^ this too!
Absofuckinlootley.

Another pearl of wisdom from my mum:

Don't have any expectations (which is not the same as lowering your expectations).

And, she assures me, acceptance comes with age, as more and more you just can't be bothered... lol, sadly I think I'm beginning to agree with her there...

Her final lesson? If all else fails, wear a pink wig, especially when your partner comes home drunk in the middle of the night expecting you to be cross.

Keep teh faith! (and teh humour!)
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 20:09, closed)

Definately
And I have just moved out of a 'Scenario 1' situation - that described it to a T!

Do have this click!
(Mogg Questioned her own sanity on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 22:10, closed)

not always true
my parents have been married for nearly 40 years. they still have sex at least 3 times a week, they act like lovestruck teenagers, they share all of the household chores AND the responsibility and decision-making. it's really quite sickening.

most of the time, what you say is true. however, just occasionally, a couple will get it absolutely right.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 2:31, closed)

^^
This is not true. Nobody's parents have sex. It's dirty and wrong.

I can't help asking, but, how do you know they still have sex three times a week?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 8:28, closed)

This is not true
I had sex with both your parents!

*tests boundaries*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 10:05, closed)

I'm not alone
Although you missed that when you've got number one you ache for number two and, sadly, vice versa.
(paxvobiscum, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 7:58, closed)

Oh yes.
What a shame I can't give you a clicky.
( HairyCanary as Ann B. Davis as Alice, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 9:47, closed)

I was in the
Scenario 1 with the same person I'm now in a Scenario 2 relationship with.....

Confused?

I'm not, my brain is so bonk addled I *can't* overanalyse!
(GirlOfTheWorld, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 10:09, closed)

Sigh
I'm 3 months out of a mix of the 2 scenarios - this probably explains why I'm so fucked up right now :(
( snee held his breath since, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 10:59, closed)

Tried no.s 1 & 2 exhaustively.
Can't be arsed with playing other peoples' manipulative games anymore.

Oxytocin has a lot to answer for.
( FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Fri 26 Sep 2008, 15:24, closed)

psychiatrist? pfft.

'beer' is the answer woman!

*offers beer*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 26 Sep 2008, 15:58, closed)

Watch out Pooflake
Beer takes her swiftly to Scenario 2 situations.

*sneakily pushes more beer at CHCB*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 16:34, closed)

That was the plan...

*winks*

*hands over more beer*

*works out 'timeshare plan' with Al*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:27, closed)

Scenario 2:
Without the drunkenness [sp?], as it wasn't necessary. But with the addition of mind games and just generally fucking up chances of a normal relationship with anyone else.

He may recieve a kick-in-the-bollocks in the post! (to quote a friend-of-a-friend)

But new and understanding friends FTW! :D
(Meya, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 18:01, closed)

I'm happy to say
that I've found the in-between bit: lots of sex, lots of talking, sometimes at teh same time. woo!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 22:19, closed)

How do you talk
when your having sex? Surely the ball gag is there to prevent such things?
(Bazongaloid, Sat 27 Sep 2008, 10:24, closed)

I've had several Scenario 1s
but no Scenario 2s yet. I WANT ONE!
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 11:42, closed)

I hear you, sister!
I was in senario one, I'm now in senario two. Completely stumped as to which is better. Am so glad its not just me headed for therapy and a long life of either sexual or emotional unfulfilment!
(G-Lo, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 15:42, closed)

How is your psychiatrist making a fortune?
From your 'two scenario pearl of wisdom' you could very well be MY psychiatrist!

*clicky* for being so spot on...
(Nogin the Nog is the good one! Beware Nogbad the Bad!, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 17:16, closed)

Unfortunately
despite CHCB's sagacity, there is another scenario...

Scenario 0 - the "Let's just be friends" one.
(Dr Teeth Who asked you, you fuckin' hobbit?, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 17:28, closed)