Brief, but appropriate
Sharing a house with friends post-university, we had a few waifs and strays to stay. One was my mate's (at the time) girlfriend, who we shall call Helen (for no apparent reason).

One morning, I go for the usual SSS routine, and look into the bog to see approximately (I didn't count) 50 brown raisin-type objects floating on the meniscus. Mucho flushing couldn't remove this, so I used the old "stick as much paper as you can down there and see if they'll be collected" trick.

Didn't work.

Anyway, later that evening, after many beers, I broached the subject to my housemates. Girl's boyfriend says "Oh that'll be Helen. Eats like a horse, shits like a rabbit".
(Dr Teeth Who asked you, you fuckin' hobbit?, Wed 2 Apr 2008, 20:52, Reply)