Clingfilm.
About 20 years ago, I escaped from my birthplace of Tasmania via a one way ticket to Western Australia.

The was a major recession in Australia at the time, and skilled job opportunities were thin on the ground.

I managed to gain part-time employment working in a pub. It was a fairly non-descript place, situated on a busy road with very few walk-in clientele.

the owner dreamed up a sure-fire strategy to boost punter numbers...employ naked women.

So, in an attempt to convert a dull pub into some kind of Gentleman's club (minus decor or ambiance), he arranged for two "hot chicks" to arrive at 3 o'clock each day, get naked and wander around behind the bar.

In another brilliant twist, the male staff were to wear formal attire, thus completing the transformation to an " upmarket" masturbatoriam.

It was shit. There was a building site next door, and as predicted, once word had got around a about the "naked chick pub" next door, every afternoon the bar would be full of pissed up labourers, slathering to grab the girls.

After a few incidents involving drunk horny semi-violent customers, we were issued with cut-down pool cues to "subdue" the more energetic customers.

After a bit, the Health Authorities got wind of this place, and told the owner he had to cover up the girls, as presumably there was a health risk from a naked badly wiped arse, or evil minge vapours infecting the beer.

So, not wanting to lose his hard gained custom from the hordes of sad masturbators, he wrapped the girls in clingfilm!

Now, a shapely woman in a tight fitting dress looks magnificent, and lends a small degree of mystery and imagination, due to the simple fact that the exciting bits are covered up.

A woman wrapped in a snug suit of clingfilm just looks plain fucking weird. Everything gets squashed and grossly distorted. Especially the pubes. Imagine a big black spider squashed beneath a pane of glass. It was also self defeating, as clingfilm doesn't breathe so there was a lot of misting and sweating happening under the plastic. The body odour was quite confronting too.

Eventually business dropped off, and the scheme was abandoned as the display of squished flesh was too much for even the most hardened drinker.

I left the place not long after and embarked on a proper career, but thankfully the experience cured me of the desire to ever enter a strip club.
( Ken Oath, Sat 12 May 2012, 20:42, 9 replies)

Genuine laughs here.
Great tale.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sat 12 May 2012, 20:44, closed)

^ this
especially the spider under glass bit
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 12 May 2012, 21:57, closed)

I used to wonder why a girl I know was called "Gladwrap Glenda"
Maybe somebody knew something I didn't.
(Redemption blamed it on the Bossa Nova since, Sun 13 May 2012, 6:05, closed)

some if the "rough kids" at my high school
Used to use gladwrap and a rubber band as a makeshift condom. It may have been her trademark?
( Ken Oath, Sun 13 May 2012, 9:12, closed)

ha! oh fuck. this cant be real?!

(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Sun 13 May 2012, 7:04, closed)

sure is...
...and they still do it in some of the regional mining camps.
( Ken Oath, Sun 13 May 2012, 9:10, closed)

Oi!
Regional mining camps? Like Perth and Brissie.
(Simian Typewriter Supplies Pty. Ltd. is house hunting in the neighborhood of infinity, Sun 13 May 2012, 12:39, closed)

And Inamincka.

( Ken Oath, Sun 13 May 2012, 13:19, closed)

Even though it's not about supermarkets/ shops, it made me laugh, and so I shall click.
( awayfromthenumbers, Mon 14 May 2012, 12:44, closed)