I'm not sure just how much you need to know this...
...but I'll tell you all anyway.

Sometime last month it was my 20th birthday. On my last night of being 19 I was feeling melancholic and nostalgic. All those gorgeous girls from school, who I'd likely as not never see again... *sigh* But wait...Facebook, of course!

So, I'm on Facebook, a bit drunk, 45 minutes away from officially not being a teenager anymore and feeling like I want to do something. Something which will, for the last time, define me as a teenager. I skim through my friends list and find the girl at school who was, shall we say, most endowed in the mammary area.

I don't know what it is with gorgeous girls and Facebook, but it's like their photo sections are amateur soft-porn sites. Every time you click "next" you come across (steady...) yet more skin, more pouting looks and, most importantly, more exposed breast. Let me tell you, this amply chested creature had only herself to blame for what happened.

So I've been clicking "next" for a while, mouth agape, when I stop suddenly on one photo. There's something my throat does when something seriously turns me on, like cross between reflux and gagging. There before me, on an innocent social networking site, was this girl, smiling, with her breastly leviathans being barely contained within an Ann Summers sailor suit. My head, among other things, nearly exploded.

"I am a teenager" thought I, "it is my duty to mankind to properly enjoy this picture". A few minutes later, the picture had been properly enjoyed. I had enjoyed it all over myself. That much is explainable.

What is NOT explainable is why I then decided to do the classic teenager thing of, shall we say, "sampling my own joy". A hefty swig of beer swilled around my mouth removed the taste, yet not the memory, which will doubtless haunt me for the rest of my shameful life.

What is even less explainable is that the next night, in the pub celebrating my 20th birthday, I ended up stood next to that very girl, who I hadn't seen in person for 4 years, at the bar. She spotted my birthday badge and nodded congratulations but didn't say a word, blissfully unaware that my mouth was, not 24 hours previously, laced with my own seed thanks to a picture of her in a sailor suit.

And so concludes a story about MeekMan you didn't want to know but have been forced to find out.
( MeekMan Trying to reinvent the toaster since, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:52, closed)

lol this is upsetting
(TDW I will bite your face off, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:57, closed)

Have a clicky, but...
....you should have just told her about it.

Girls like honesty in a man.....so they tell me.
(Reverend Fister with buttocks quivering in anticipation on, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 13:10, closed)

That was pretty grim
but we've all done it...
(Jeremy Paxmans Itchy Gusset, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 14:13, closed)

reverend fister is right
any girl worth her salt would have laughed if you'd told her about that. i'm a girl and i'd definitely have had a giggle about that. :)

she shouldn't be putting piccies of herself in sailor costumes if she's worried about spluffage.
( brixton bruxelles stay at home, eat yogurt, die young, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 15:42, closed)

Clearly made up
I think I speak for us all when I say we need to see a link to the offending picture.
( The Light In Chains won't play poker with the Skull Spark Joker, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 19:04, closed)

I don't think I've ever replied to one of my own posts before...
...but I don't know why anyone would make such a story up. To be honest, I rather liked it when it happened, because it reminded me that life isn't utterly futile because sometimes, just sometimes, life has MY sense of humour.
( MeekMan Trying to reinvent the toaster since, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 0:41, closed)

I'm very very glad
Whilst reading the second to last paragraph I thought you were going to tell her.
So I'm very very glad you didnt.
(muzzvsworld, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 8:20, closed)

this made
me well and truly laugh out loud
(yousatonmybiscuits liberty city has the worst cab drivers, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 18:31, closed)

Who cares if the story is true or not?
Clearly, all we are interested in, is getting a link pointing to said picture.
(Obsidian, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 13:11, closed)