"I 'spo I leer."
This is a true story, it happened to a friend of a friend of mine.

I used to share a house with a bloke called Gerald.
Gerry was an IT consultant. This was a time when "IT consultant" meant more than just being a computer salesman or helpdesk monkey. He made bigger bucks than most of us in the house (students and till monkeys) and thus *generally* moved in different circles to us. Sometimes those circles intersected.
That's how Gerry met Thalia.

Thalia attended uni with one of us. She was a bit of a knock-around girl, a grownup "tomboy" if you will.
Anything us blokes were up for, Thalia was happy to join in on. Including the more unsavory past-times. To whit - one of my most endearing memories of Thalia was watching her eat sushi off the pudendum of a stripper on a buck's night at a local house of ill repute. Good times.
To say we were incestuous would be like suggesting that you might find Ursine faeces in a woodland habitat. Most of us had known each other thru high-school and then into uni. We all knew who was fucking who, when, where and why.

Anyhoo...
Gerry saw, then met Thalia and was besotted. Thalia had had her fair share of suitors but wasn't really ready to 'settle down'. That said she was a smart girl and could see the writing on the [cubicle] wall - she knew she needed to cool her heels one day and find a man who would be secure and reliable. Gerald managed to fit that bill rather snugly.
Gerry was somewhat of a gentleman - he wanted to "woo" Thalia & make her realise his potential as a mate thru more civilised means rather than 'wham, bang, thank you mam!'.

Then one day Phillip 'arrived' on the scene in our little group. Much like Gerry, Phillip was on a career path rather than drinking and fucking his way to a tertiary education. Philip also knew Thalia outside of uni - apparently they had attended a local Rotary Youth Group together.
Gerry was incredibly jealous of Phillip and his friendship with Thalia and made that very clear with his behavior towards Phil. It seemed to give him the impetus to finally do something substantial about his his feelings towards Thalia.

They went on a number of wonderful, fascinating [expensive] dates which eventually culminated in them finally doing the dirty and dancing the horizontal tango. His happiness was only just eclipsed by our relief as Thalia gave us a 'blow by blow' at breaky the following morning after Gerry had gone to work. As you do. With your mates.

A couple of nights later while we were all at home sinking some piss, smoking some bongs, playing console games, watching the footy and generally hanging shit on each other, Phil sidled up to Gerry and unfortunately knowing Thalia and us better than he did Gerald, uttered the line -
"Just think, Thalia's fucked every bloke in the room now."
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 12 Jun 2013, 7:54, 30 replies)

a guy called gerald?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 9:32, closed)

Gerry.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 12 Jun 2013, 9:33, closed)

did he have a pet spaniel?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 9:50, closed)

No eye deer.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 12 Jun 2013, 10:16, closed)

I don't get it
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 9:38, closed)

Figures.
tl;dr - woman sleeps with many other people aside from the protagonist.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 12 Jun 2013, 9:49, closed)

tl;dr is right.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 10:33, closed)

Speaks more about your reading ability
than my writing I think.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 12 Jun 2013, 10:39, closed)

is this worth reading? asking for a friend

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 11:31, closed)

Naive Gerald finds out his new girlfriend is the town bike via a careless remark.
There, that's saved you a good 25 minutes.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 11:41, closed)

Terrible bullying of
Doveston's reading ability right here.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 12 Jun 2013, 11:42, closed)

You tell me.
If they're your calibre, no.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 12 Jun 2013, 11:41, closed)

you pronounced calibre incorrectly

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 12:45, closed)

"Caliper"?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 13:03, closed)

Sinking some piss is a
horrible expression
( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 11:54, closed)

It's an Aussie thing.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 12 Jun 2013, 12:25, closed)

Because your beer is terrible?
I've always liked "fizzy pish" - god bless the Scots.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 12:40, closed)

You guys think that Fosters/XXXX is worthy of putting on tap.....

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 13 Jun 2013, 2:22, closed)

It's all Paul Hogan's fault.
I hear that "shrimp on the barbie" was a lie, too.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 12:37, closed)

"To whit"?

(McChinaman banned, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 12:18, closed)

said the ov

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 12:24, closed)

Too wit, ta woo?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 12 Jun 2013, 12:26, closed)

This is a lie.
We all know Aussie girls are called Sheila, not Thalia.
(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 15:53, closed)

Charlene, Narelle and Sharon
are soooooo yesterday.
It's Sho-Neequaa, Afifa and Madeline these days.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 13 Jun 2013, 7:51, closed)

The Chart
On a similar vein, in a similarly incestuous group, we decided to draw up a chart to show who had fucked who, and hence determine who were the biggest bikes (male and female) in the group.

I was less than pleased when the final chart showed that the biggest female tramp was the woman I was seeing at the time...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 17:15, closed)

Also reminds me of my favourite line from The New Statesman:

Piers: "I don't want to die yet - I haven't been sexually intimate with my fiance!"

Alan: "Haven't you? I have - you're not missing much..."

.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 17:17, closed)

"Just think, Thalia's fucked every bloke in the room now."
I've been trying to work out this awful pun for five minutes now. Think I'll give up.
(K.W.A. Knickers With Attitude, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 11:35, closed)