Me, in retrospect
It's a long one, so be warned...

I will be 30 this year, which I guess is a milestone in anybody's life. Even so, I find myself thinking less about what the last 30 years meant to me, but the amount of bullshit my parents had to put up with.

I wasn't a bratty child. Hyperactive, in my own world most of the time, but not unpleasant. My mum is middle class through-and-through, but my dad is a working-class lad made good, and by diligent saving and hard work made a very comfortable life for me and my sister. We weren't showered with gifts on demand, but we didn't want for much.

Pubescence came, and as expected, I became moody, withdrawn and embarassed to be seen with, or even to be talking to my parents. So far, so normal. I reached college, did my A-levels and figured that now was about the right time to start getting into drugs. A combination of history of bullying and an inability to form lasting friendships meant that I stumbled through these years in a self-defeating haze of weed, pills and coke, jumping from college course to college course and generally being an ungrateful, sponging bastard. Still, my parents always lent their support, whether I wanted it or not.

At 21, I decided to waste more time by going to university. Shortly before I left, I met a girl who was to become my partner for the next 7 years, being unfailingly selfless and patient, and once I had finished the course, we moved to Southampton togther. By this time, I was barely in contact with my parents, despite the fact they helped me out financially where they could, and took pains to keep open the lines of communication. Through my own lies and half-truths, my partner had taken a dislike to them as well, and a deep vein of self-loathing couldn't let me admit that most of my missteps were my own.

Time wore on, and I begun to realise that I no longer felt the same way about my partner as she did about me, and we were hurtling towards a life of mortgages and babies I simply wasn't ready for. Plus, the added burn of having fallen for a close friend and trying to blot it out was making me increasingly desperate. Numerous types of anti-depressants, cognitive behavioural workshops, and trips to both my GP and the local mental health unit made no difference to my state of mind, and just before xmas 2006, I took an overdose of painkillers. I passed out, but woke up vomiting and confused. 20 minutes later, my partner walked through the door, and I acted like nothing had happened. No-one knew about it then, and no-one does now. I nearly gave myself an embolism trying to make it work, but in the end, I had to bite the bullet and end the relationship. Once again, my parents (though they actually liked my ex quite a lot, weirdly) were supportive and didn't judge me.

Through tentative phone calls over a few months, me the girl I was in love with gradually started to become closer, and began to see more and more of each other. We went to Barcelona together. Saw friends as a couple. Things were finally on track.

Sadly, it wasn't to be. In a curious inversion, she wasn't ready to commit to anything either, and broke it off after seven months together. A couple of days later, I was made redundant, and hit rock bottom again. Once more, my parents offered no admonishments, just help and emotional support. This brings us right up to the present day. Yesterday, and for probably the first time in about 10 years, I thanked them both, and told them I loved them. Almost immediately afterwards, I broke down in tears, and it felt good to know something had finally changed.

Maybe it's not an uncommon story, and it's certainly not extraordinary, but it brings home how much as a parent you have to give, and be prepared not to get back. I'm not saying they were perfect, either - my dad has a similar temper to me, and I worry like my mum, but they never, ever loved me any less. If there's a better way to make an ungrateful sod realise they are one in the long run, I don't know what it is.

Apols for length. It's been a while...
( the_other_jeff_lebowski http://www.fineexcuses.com - rock goodness!, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 14:49, closed)

Good for you.
I bet that's the only thing they wanted from you in all this time.
( big-girl's-blouse is going to piss on your fucking rug, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 14:58, closed)

Absolutely
And by withholding that, i was only cheating myself in the long run. You live, you learn, i guess.
( the_other_jeff_lebowski http://www.fineexcuses.com - rock goodness!, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 15:03, closed)

You sound quite a bit like me
Only I'm still in uni and haven't quite bollocksed things up so much yet. Plenty of time yet though...
(idle insomniac enjoys listening to Sigur Rós at stupid hours, Sat 11 Oct 2008, 1:46, closed)

Crikey, a musican like me as well...
Well, I hope you don't, because although there's always a way back, I have wasted an awful lot of time through my own foolishness. Good luck, eh?
( the_other_jeff_lebowski http://www.fineexcuses.com - rock goodness!, Sat 11 Oct 2008, 17:37, closed)

Yay!
Glad you had the guts to look at yourself objectively and put things right.
( mistaspakkaman and his slumberlicious feet, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 23:41, closed)