our school sports were fairly traditional: hockey and netball in the winter; tennis and rounders in the summer
we always had to bring our swimming costumes, in case we got rained off. those who forgot had to suffer the heinous plight of swimming in their aertex top and disgusting grey gym knickers. if the boys were swimming too, this was nothing short of disastrous.

it was the fate that befell my friend evie one day. actually being keen on sports and therefore not being bright enough to fake a period, she came out of the changing rooms to a round of applause. deciding to make the most of it, she did a big star jump off the diving board into the pool. mid-air her face turned into utter horror. after surfacing, she swam over to me. "i left my real knickers on underneath!" she said tragically. woe indeed.

at the end of the day, we caught up after last period to head home together. i asked her what she had done all day. she admitted that she had spent the whole day without wearing any pants. now, of course there are occasions when this can be sexy. but those occasions are NOT when you are only 14. and stuck in lessons all day. my face betrayed my disgust. evie got all defensive. "well what would you have done?" she snapped. "worn soaking wet pants ALL DAY?"

"noooo," i said thoughtfully. "i would have dried them out under the hand dryer and put them back on..."



i have now reminded myself of the time that we all had to play indoor hockey on another rainy day (this is why you don't go to school in manchester). the sadistic lesbian oberfuhrer who taught hockey announced that the proctor would be coaching that day. "so i hope you've ALL remembered your grey gym knickers," she said, gleefully swishing a hockey stick around. "i'm sure the proctor doesn't want to look at a row of schoolgirls' knickers."

"i'm sure he bloody DOES," shouted out my friend liz. detention for a week.

bet she was right though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 19 Apr 2012, 18:43, 3 replies)

Nice to see you around.

( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 1:09, closed)

ahaha
I hope it was a horribly pedantic school office that insisted on meticulous paperwork, so somewhere in a filing cabinet there is a form filed for perpetuity:

----------------------------------
Detention Attendance Form #312745b
----------------------------------
Staff: "Sadistic Lesbian Oberfuhrer"
Pupil: "Liz"
Reason: "Announced belief the Proctor wants to look at a row of schoolgirls' knickers"
Notes: "swore (curse level 2/10)"
( ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 1:59, closed)

In a classroom overlooking the schools outdoor pool
My friend an me were idly looking out of the window as the girls were led out to swim in their PE pants and tops. Blue undies. White tops.

After the first couple got out of the water the teacher suddenly hurried them away, from the jeers of the boys getting their first look at a wet t-shirt competition.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 20 Apr 2012, 7:31, closed)