My first goal
At lunchtime all the boys played football on the playground. If you didn't you were gay or something. I would rather have read a book, but I was smart enough to realise that wouldn't do me any favours.

Given that at age 9 most playground football games consisted of a dozen people crowded around a football buzzing around the playground, I opted to play in defence, so basically just standing around waiting for the crowd-with-a-ball-in-the-middle to come somewhere near me. Worked quite well as a left-footed left-back, since I rarely had to do anything.

This particular lunchtime the "refereeing by democracy" had determined that the opposition be awarded a penalty since more kids were shouting for it than weren't. Everybody lined up on the edge of the penalty area, me right on the end, as the opposition goalkeeper, who had earned the right via the medium of raised fists, ran up and struck it hard and low to our keeper's right.

Only he got a hand to it (he later went on to two seasons in League Two, so perhaps not so surprising). The ball cannoned off his outstretched hand way off to the left hand side of the field. To me, in fact.

I had no idea what to do. Absolutely EVERYONE was pretty much in line with me, nobody was further up the playground. So I just hoofed it towards the opposition goal, hoping that our players could run faster than theirs.

As it turned out, it didn't matter, because despite their best efforts nobody could get to it in time to stop it trickling over the line with its last bounce. I'd scored my first goal from the edge of my own 18-yard box. I was a hero! For five minutes, at least.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 21 Apr 2012, 0:22, 4 replies)

Sporting woe
What is this? subversion of the QOTW to relive past glories?
*click* in anticipation of the forthcoming shitstorm
(Figmaus, Sat 21 Apr 2012, 0:42, closed)

I've blanked out the bad times

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 21 Apr 2012, 1:16, closed)

I imagine the opposition goalkeeper felt pretty woeful.
You made him look like a right prick after his alpha male shennanigans.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Sun 22 Apr 2012, 8:29, closed)

i posted a similar story not realising it was sporting woes :/
welcome to the fucktard club.
you get a badge if you pay £5 p&p
( real i'm not happy 'til you're not happy, Sat 21 Apr 2012, 10:03, closed)