One of my colleagues who we shall call Dan for that is his name
used a hacksaw to cut another indent in a piece of RAM so it would fit in a different RAM slot in a PC. We told him it wouldn't work and he replied "Why wouldn't it?"

He's an IT Technician working at the home of the largest computer network in the South West.
( Peej, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:14, 9 replies)

Where milk comes from.
Many years ago I worked at Croxteth Country Park, on the edge of Liverpool. Within the park was the old Home Farm which was open to the public, and schools would have guided tours. One such local school got the full tour which included seeing the calves being fed milk from buckets, and then some calves suckling from their mothers. Elsewhere on the tour was the milking parlour where by a system of vacuum pipes milk was sucked from the cows' udders and collected in large glass vessels.

One local scally put two and two together i.e. calves sucking milk from udders and the milking machine. He remarked "Dat's clever dat is la. They used that machine to put milk into the big cows so the baby cows can drink the milk".

Other frequent ignorance included the a complete lack of understanding that meat came from animals, and not Tesco. Sad really.
( Varmint, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:13, 2 replies)

I had a friend
who insisted that a zebra had more genes in common with a rabbit, than it did with a horse
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:12, 8 replies)

I met a Canadian while abroad some years ago
and for some reason we were having a discussion about the Euro.

My favourite part of the whole conversation was when she said "Well, you may not have the Euro in Devon, but I'm pretty sure you have it in the rest of the country"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:12, 3 replies)

My flatmates have had some special moments
I wouldn't have said they were displays of ignorance, strictly speaking, just phenomenal lapses in logic.

Item 1: "Doesn't sound travel upwards?"
Yes, dear. You should find it travels in all other directions as well (with the possible exception of "sideways through time"), given that I didn't have to loom over you to hear you say that.

Item 2: Walking down the Thames one day, we see it's raining further up the river.
"That is rain coming from the sky, isn't it?"
No, it's actually being spat out of the river and up into a nearby cloud.

Item 3: In the name of balance, I did also have my own moment of brilliance not so long ago -
"...because 25's a prime number, isn't it? It's only divisible by 25, 1 and...erm...5...oh, arse..."
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:11, Reply)

A friend of the missus
once asked "Is salmon the same as gammon?" Also, my sister doesn't believe in dinosaurs.

My young lady's just reminded me that her friend also once asked "Where do ribs come from?"
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:11, 5 replies)

Living in New York for a couple of years
meant that I met many many many incredibly ignorant people. I don't think most were all that stupid just totally ignorant to the fact that there is a whole world that exists out there not just New York City and the rest of the US. So anyhoo, filling my belly at a sunday brunch all you can eat for $8 the rather vute waitress said that she liked my accent and asked where I was from. England I told her. Really she said, What language do they speak there?

And apparently the fact that there are far more blacks proportionately in jail in the US is 'all their own fault as they can't afford decent lawyers'. They weren't racist in the small white picket fence town that I was staying in but the only blacks you saw there were mowing lawns or fixing roofs. The amenities were second to none there too. Drive 2 miles down the road where they hadn't bothered repairing the roads or the school or the library or any other public works and guess who 90% of the population were
(Wagane, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:11, 4 replies)

Housemate's co-worker
"Do we have ground shipping to Germany?"

We live in America
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:10, 3 replies)

A girl in our office...
...just asked out loud for someone's phone number.

"I have it in my mobile" proclaimed I.
"Oh fab" she responded. I ambled over to her desk, trawling through the directory of numbers on my handheld communication device.
"Here it is..." I declared "...are you ready?"
"Yep"
"OK, it's 0-1-2-3-4 5-6-7-8-9"
"That's a digit short"
"Have another look"
"It's still a digit short"

FFS...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:07, 17 replies)

Someone just sat next to me and asked if it was possible to download software
to turn a computer screen into a mirror
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:05, 3 replies)

Some gems from my ex (who is a teacher btw)
"When I'm in the back of a car, I like to sit either in the middle or by a window" Errrm, where else is ther to sit in the back of a car?

"Which one of the Kennedys is Ludovic and why doesn't he have an American accent"?

There's loads more but I'm knackered.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:05, 1 reply)

Another friend of my Dad's...
Living in Germany for the first time, took his Missus shopping in Bielefeld.

As he didn't know the area he made a note of what street he parked on. After several hours and many hundreds of Deutschmarks later they realise they've not got a Scooby where the car is.

They go to a Police station and and when asked "Vere did you leave ze car" they proudly answered "On Einbahnstrasse"

Einbahnstrasse is characterised by a blue sign with a white arrow on it. Bless em.
( Sallyrsm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:05, 1 reply)

like the difference between night and day...
One of my brother-in-law's first girlfriends once commented that the Sun sure looked funny.

We all did a moment of silent astonishment then he explained,

"That's the moon."

It was around 1030pm...
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:04, 2 replies)

fire escape
in college everyone used to always use the side fire escape as the entrance/exit as it was closer to the main gate to leave campus. one day this was majorly choked due to loads of people trying to travel both directions through one door out of a double door. cue me taking one look at this pile up and openening up the second door. clearing the blockage
( Kingtoke was shit at life on, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:03, 6 replies)

Mirror, mirror, on the ball.
I was at a gig at Koko in Camden where a giant mirror ball hangs over the whole room. The Lovely-Ex was gazing at it. "Imagine sticking all those mirrored tiles on," he said. "It must have taken ages to make."
"It was probably made by little orphans in India," I replied, contemplating the glittery sphere.
"Don't be daft," sez he. "How could they have reached the top of it to stick them on?"

And he's a robotics expert. I despair.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:02, 1 reply)

Accidental animal cruelty
we had some friends once who were posted to Cyprus with the RAF. Not posted like in the mail but sent there for work, capisce?

Anyway at that time all your own furniture and stuff took six weeks to arrive in boxes in a container and that....You had to make do with the RAF's own stuff in the meantime. Six weeks. Everyone knew it was six weeks.

They packed their budgie in the boxes and couldn't quite believe it when it arrived doing a spot on impression of a Norwegian Blue.
( Sallyrsm, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:01, 2 replies)

Religion.
*smug*
( Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:00, 6 replies)

I am also reminded that my other half's sister is an A level physics teacher
to whom I have had to explain why things float.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 17:00, 5 replies)

A colleague of Mrs V often comes out with "facts"
and refuses to accept reason and logic and evidence that they are false.

My favourite one was when he was insistent that ice won't melt if you microwave it. This rendered me speechless for a few seconds before I spewed forth a torrent of sweary gibberish.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:59, 10 replies)

A dear girl called Lisa
When we were in the sixth form, someone asked her if she was a virgin. Her answer:

"I can't remember"

"..."

"...is that when you have, or you haven't?"
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:57, 1 reply)

An ex of mine...
"Are goats just sheep without fur?"

"Does a bacon burger have bacon in it?"
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:57, 4 replies)

I spent one hour and 22 minutes on the phone teaching my mum how to send an email attachment yesterday.
One hour and 22 minutes. For fifteen of those minutes she insisted there was no "Attach" button. Turns out she needed to scroll down the page.

Tech support deserve every penny they get.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:56, 15 replies)

My dad when I got my first printer many years ago
"How come they give you the black ink but not the white?". Bless him :)
( Poppy The Platypus was abducted by an army of toast soldiers on, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Buses
I was standing in a bus queue years ago, when I heard 2 old ladies discussing the new shuttle bus routes that had been introduced to a nearby village; "How can they say there's a bus service every 5 mins, you can't get there and back in that time.."
( finger jockey, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Apparently women have breasts
who knew?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:53, 6 replies)

Aw man,
How are we going to crowbar breast talk into this subject?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:52, 4 replies)

Fuck off

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:52, Reply)

My once girlfriend who asked;
The dinosaurs were BEFORE Jesus weren't they?
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:52, 3 replies)

I decalre this QOTW open *cuts ribbon*

Edit - aaaargh Fibbers you....erm...cunt.
(Tugnut I got them all..., Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:51, Reply)

First!

(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Thu 18 Mar 2010, 16:51, Reply)