Hahahaha, I have no tact whatsoever.
My best friend and his girlfriend recently had a baby. It was the first time we'd seen her and he'd brought her over to my mum's place so much cooing and making faces at the little one was taking place. I don't really like babies much, so I'm sitting in the corner being grumpy. Mate's girlfriend turns to me and asks me if I want to hold her, and before I can really stop it the first thing to come out of my mouth - in front of the doting parents, my mum, sister and girlfriend - is "Can't I wait until she's 18 and then hold her?"
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 10:06, 8 replies)

at least you said 18..

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 10:21, closed)

So your story is you're going to be a dirty old man?

( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 10:43, closed)

What do you mean "going to be"?

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 10:47, closed)

As my dad's friend said to his wife
"It's when I STOP looking that you'll need to start worrying."
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 11:32, closed)

Hah, even back in 1996 when I was most definitely a young man
my school yearbook entry began: "Uncle" Emvee is quite clearly the spawn of the devil. His interests include "reading" pornographic magazines* and testing cosmetics on animals.

*All lies, of course. I had the internet by then.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 11:44, closed)

Well
I liked it.....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 11:37, closed)

Muchos gracias

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 11:45, closed)

I said much the same to an old housemate re his 2 year old daughter.
Although in my defence he had just insulted my mother.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 4 Nov 2011, 21:56, closed)