The pink power ranger
I loved her.

Not the yellow one she had devious eyes
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 12:08, 6 replies)

My crush....
was tragically run over by a steam roller.

It took me a long time to get over her.
(Ginger_Whinger got in the newsletter!! =D, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 12:06, Reply)

Vanessa Paradis
When she did the song Joe le Taxi. I was only 12 at the time and how my teenage loins would burst forth every time I saw her Top of the Pops.

She's still fairly hot as it happens.
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 12:06, 2 replies)

Miss McLeod
Ah Miss McLeod. Also known as the one and only reason I had any interest in French whatsoever.

At the tender age of 11, I joined my new school. The first day, first lesson was French. As we all toddled into our classroom in short trousers and brand spanking new blazers we sat down with pre-pubescent curiosity coursing through our veins. Then, in walked a vision of pure loveliness. Imagine the best bits of Kylie, but with a slightly fuller figure, and the ability to turn any young males in her presence to jelly.

In her gorgeous mouth, French conjugations would turn into the most wonderous poetry. We hung on every froggy word that sprung forth from her lips. If she asked us to, I have no doubt that each and every member of her class would have thrown themselves to their doom if they thought it would bring a smile to her lips. And then in the summer....

...apologies, had to take a moment to myself there....

...in the summer she had a specialist line in rather fetching denim blouses which she with the top two buttons undone. Bear in mind, in an all boys school, basically a burgeoning jizzy soup of sexual tension, she was a Goddess. I have no doubt that several of my contemporaries fwapped themselves into a gooey stupour over the merest glimps of Miss Mcleod's top-bollocks. Many was the night that I myself experimented with crashing my yoghurt truck over that image, and I turned out to be a Gay (TM)

For three wonderous, gorgeous years we had the pleasure of Miss McLeod until - oh tragedy of tragedies - she got married and moved on. Yes, she left - to go into acting! She was replaced by a crusty old cunt with about as much sex appeal as Susan Boyle's fudge tunnel. My interest and ability in French crashed and burnt.

So, imagine my surprise when the other month I was watching TV to see the object of my adolescent adoration playing the mum in an advert for Nintendo DS!

And yes, you still would.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Thu 5 Nov 2009, 12:02, 4 replies)

Oh my Dear God... The shame.
First there was Nanette Newman who I so wanted to corrupt me. Then came Sam Neill in Omen Three: The Final Conflict. He played Damien Thorn and I was so in love with him, he was cool, dark and sooooo sexy.

Does this make me a sicko?
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Tiffany.
Amber.
Thiessen.

I completely forgot about her for years until I saw an advert for a telly programme with her in a while back. She was wearing a purple blouse and I jizzed in my grundies then and there.
(TheColonel, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 12:01, 4 replies)

Lynda Carter, phwoarrr
My first hormonal rumblings were caused by watching Wonder Woman's heaving chest. "Pay attention, Calgacus, me boy," I thought. "There's something here that requires further investigation."

Also, the video of Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) was quite striking. Annie Lennox was dressed like a man but was still most definitely a woman in a puzzling yet fucking hot manner.

Finally, Debbie Harry. So hot that, even now, when she's in her 60s men still hit on her.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 12:00, Reply)

Buffy the Vampire Layer
Kids today have it easy with their always on broadband and their internet pornography. Back in the late-ish nineties I was stuck with my parents dial-up connection that took half an hour to load the bloody beeb homepage. Essentially useless for looking at any sort of proper smut and thus we had to resort to using our imaginations; desperately trying to picture the female cast of Buffy in the buff whilst frantically tugging away. Luckily I've a vivd imagination. Oh yeah - that bird from Sliders as well. Hmm, I think that was about when Konnie Huq started on Blue Peter as well. My sister made me watch it. Not that I was complaining.

Massively jealous of anyone who had fit teachers - ours were almost all total fucking boilers - though I've developed a weird retrospective thing for one of them. I think I was too naive to appreciate her ample charms at the time.
(barnaby_kettleworth, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:55, 3 replies)

Sonia.
Yes, the scouse singing starlet of the early nineties.

I'd have crawled 100 miles over broken glass just to wank in her shadow. If 100 miles of broken glass were my bedroom carpet, and her shadow were actually small posters torn out of smash hits.
( Evil Bastardo, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:54, Reply)

Harry Connick, Jr.
When he sings Danny Boy in Memphis Belle I get wet.
When I was a nipper, I thought he had it all. The southern charm, an the accent, the crooning, the big nose.

I memorised the little talky bits inbetween songs on his live video.
I dragged my mother to see him when he played the local theatre, because not one of my friends would go.
I wept when he married 'that Jill one'.
I made a keyring with his picture on (do you KNOW how infrequently he popped up in Big magazine? He was no Christian Slater, let me tell you...)
And recently I found a little picture in my old room at my parent's house.

It is now on my bookcase, for all to see. I still love Harry.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:52, Reply)

Stevie Nicks
and I still would now.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:52, 2 replies)

Jaclyn Smith
That's the dark-haired one from the original Charlie's Angels.

Oh yes.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:51, 2 replies)

Wonder Woman
Though as a 6-year old boy I didn't so much want to do her as be her.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:48, Reply)

Felicity Kendall
Probably because most of the time I saw her, in The Good Life, she was up to her knees in mud. Filthy minx.

Sophia Aldred (Ace from Doctor Who) - she was a lass, but ran around with a baseball bat and C4, battering Daleks. Sci fi *and* a babe. Schwing!
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:45, 8 replies)

Rebekkah Elmaloglou
or sophie off home and away

tits on that spotty bitch were fucking great
(milk_explosion, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:39, 10 replies)

Miss Kelly
She came as a student teacher to our school when I was about 12. She was a flame-haired, pale skinned, vision of beauty fresh from teacher training.

One day she wore a short skirt and no tights, and I tried desperately to look up her skirt in class by leaning forward as far as I possibly could while getting something out of my bag and looking back under my arm to see if I could direct my view appropriately.

My friend Peter naturally decided that while I was precariously perched on the edge of my chair, leaning it forward to try and angle myself, it would be funny to give the back of the chair a massive kick, dumping me onto the floor head first.

The student teacher screamed and ran over, thinking I'd collapsed, and insisted I go home. So I suppose on balance, no glimpse of knickers, but half a day off school.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:38, Reply)

Several.
Mel and Kim. (Bad 80's Pop Duo) Think one turned into a porn star so I saw her badly packed kebab anyway.

Michaela Strachan - Annoying Tv Presenter. Would probably have to stab her to death after any sexual activity.

Kylie Minogue - Who didnt?

That Poster with the tennis bird scratching her arse.

And Karen who lived at Number 19 on my road. I once saw her fanny when she stretched up to close her bedroom window.

Wanked over her many a night.

1st Page as well - WOo
(hoogie Original Cunt Horse Author, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:33, 11 replies)

Legolas
yes, I was one of those for a year or so. First teenage crush- just Legolas, not Orlando Bloom. I was twelve or thirteen, and my family teased me for years about it- I was still getting bloody posters of him from my sister at the age of fifteen. It didn't help that my 'clever' way of mentioning it was 'ooh isn't he a good actor, he should have more time onscreen.'

Cue merciless teasing. I still get reminded of it if we watch Lord of the Rings as a family- but he is still pretty hot in it.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:32, 2 replies)

Debbie Harry
Floated not only my teenage boat ,but also a small flotilla of drain hole bound tadpoles .

I still would.
( bane, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:29, 3 replies)

Kylie Minogue
Still fancy the panties off her now. She's very much like a fine wine, she's got better with age.

*spluffs*
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:26, 6 replies)

Martine McCutcheon
Just thinking about her makes me go, thoroughly week at the knees and make my heart beat faster. It's the eyes and the beautiful smile. It's always wonderful to see her in the papers or on the telly. I was so incredibly disappointed when they killed her off in Eastenders. I must have watched Love Actually a hundred times and swoon a little when she's on screen.

The wonderful lady, who on Saturday will become the official Mrs Lardy, knows that if Martine came calling, I would have to leave her, just as I know to not put up a fight should Jon Bon Jovi pledge his undying love for my lady. Fortunately, Mrs Lardy to be, bears a striking resemblace to the lovely Miss McCutcheon, but with better curves. She raises my pulse and weakens my knees too.

I consider myself to be a very lucky man. If you're reading Martine, you've got until 2pm on the 7th.
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:18, 8 replies)

I don't think I've ever had a proper teenage crush
It's mostly just been the urging need to bang anything that stole my teenage years from me.
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:17, Reply)

Why I Failed KS3 History:
I was doing pretty well at History for a few terms, where we did the essays that counted towards our exam. The classes were boring, but interesting enough. In the third term, we had a speaking/presentation assignment. This was also the time that the department decided to give us a Temp teacher, who had the kind of eyes that make you go all wobbly... ahem.

Anyway, we split into our groups for the presentation, learn all the info, and draw pretty diagrams. We get to the time we're supposed to talk to the class. Temp guy stands at the back of the class and smiles encouragingly at the students as we mumble our way through 1930s America.

It gets to my turn. I stand at the front, look directly at Temp guy, and say with the grace of a flying penguin:
"Whuuu.... er, ferGGGhh...ummm.... er."

And then I sit down.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:13, Reply)

I have crushes
on loads of teenagers
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:12, 1 reply)

Janet Ellis
always loved blue peter and the presenters but must have been an 80s thing
(bluehamster, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:12, Reply)

Winona Ryder.
My mate's even met her (interviewed her for some magazine), and didn't help saying she is that pretty in real life, as well as absolutely tiny.

I'm in my mid-30s. I still feel a poetic, heart-wrenching ache when I see photos of her. It's pathetic.

Luckily my girlfriend is incredibly pretty too. She thinks I'm a dolt, but she still gets all giggly when she sees Harrison Ford in Star Wars or Indiana Jones.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:10, 8 replies)

A really fat teenager fell on me and broke my legs.
There you go folks, a bad teenage crush pun.

The first of many, knowing you people.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:08, Reply)

75th
Woody Allen.


I have no idea why.
( girlinthehole, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:07, 1 reply)