Terrible ParentingMy parents used to lock my brother, sister and I in the car while they went to the pub for a "quick one" after work. This quick one might last several hours, during which they would send bottles of Indian Tonic Water to us by way of refreshment.
On one particularly cold evening, bored stupid, we lit a small bonfire on the back seat of the car using the cigarette lighter and the contents of the glove box. We owe our lives to passing winos. (BTW: Please no more Maddie or Jesus gags, they've been done.)
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 16 Aug 2007, 9:47)
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My dad's a rozzerand not some tit-headed flatfoot, but the tazer-wielding fast car-chase sort.
One morning he's doing a morning shift, on patrol in a big Land Rover, with ALL the toys. Multi-band radio broadcast unit, tannoys, and, best of all, rear programmable LED board (so that you can type messages to the car behind you.)
Thinking, at the age of 15, that it would be fucking A to get a ride to school in one, I readily accept his offer of a lift (which he wasn't supposed to do, but who cares.)
It was all smiles and gloats as he pulls into the car park, watching my peers and enemies gape their jaws at such a majestic vehicle. I jumped out, try and pass off a blase "cheers Dad," slam the door, and nochalantly stride off towards my comrades. Five seconds later, the sirens blurp out a high-pitched squeal, I turn to look at the departing van to read on the LED board "DADDY LOVES YOU TOO XXX"
You simply cannot imagine the shit I put up with at school for the next three years. All policemen are bastards.
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 17 Aug 2007, 16:39,
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